Exactly an year before, a 19 year old girl gave birth to a child. She was unsure whether she wanted that kid or not but the moment she looked into the childís eyes, and saw all the possibilities that lay ahead, she knew she had made the right decision.
I was that child, I was that girl. I am my offspring, my parent and my sibling.
And today..... I turn one.
And it hasnít been easy. There were days when I was frustrated with the new me, because it was sucking out a major portion of my time. There was so much to do! New food to be bought, clearing out the hazards (junk food) out of the way, people giving their own opinion on how I SHOULD raise this child. And then there was the emotional turmoil, there were endless nights of inward crying because it wasnít easy to let go of who I was, because my comfort zone had been blown away by a stranger. I was that stranger.
But with each day that child morphed into a different being, I started loving the process. I couldnít wait for the morning to see what else had changed. Watching someone grow physically and emotionally is a blessing in itself. And I realized how blessed I was when I looked in the mirror everyday. I cheered for myself when I decided to go for a run instead of sitting on the couch, I consoled myself when I binged like crazy. I made a gazillion wrong decisions because the process was new to me. But I realized that everyone starts from somewhere. Everyone has a beginning. This was mine.
I was the one who fell... and I was the one who kissed my Ďowwieí and said that everything was going to be ok. I hated myself for making stupid decisions but I truly forgave myself because I knew there was no other way around it. I knew that I wasn't innocent, I was just ill informed. And forgiving yourself is possibly the hardest thing you can do. I still struggle with it, but I have accepted that it is going to happen. And how I deal with my emotions is what defines 'Me'.
I donít know what I will turn out to be when I grow up. I donít know whether I would be a prodigy or not. I really donít know.
I didnít even know I could get this far.
But I did.
And you know what?
Today... I turn one :)
It is my one year anniversary with SparkPeople and I want to extend a heartfelt gratitude to everyone who is a part of this site. Maybe I would have lost weight without this site, maybe I would have even gained the knowledge. But I couldnít have gained this wisdom without this site, or the compassion. This site has made me realize that there are people out there who are capable of giving unconditional love and support to others, expecting nothing in return. And every time I log into this site, it somehow re-instills my faith in humanity. This site has helped me become a better human being. Love you all!!!!!!
Edited by: LIL.ANGEL at: 10/29/2009 (08:18)