This is just one of those topics that are off-limits. It's rude to comment on someone else's weight, and unless you're a medical professional talking to a patient, it's not your place to make any remarks on the person's weight. Even if it's meant as a compliment. I just find a person's weight to be irrelevant to my interactions with them.
I don't think it's right to comment on someone's weight. All my life I've gotten the classic line of "You've got such a pretty face," and we all know what that means. I've always been so hurt by that comment, even though I don't believe there was ever any ill intent behind it. People who are overweight don't need to be told they're overweight. It really just makes it worse, especially if you're an emotional eater, as I am.
9/8/13 11:15 A
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536 9/8/13 11:03 A
If you can't day something nice - don't say nothing at all. This was the rule growing up in my grandpa's house ( God bless his soul ).
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221 9/8/13 10:52 A
it's a really simple rule, if you don't have anything nice to say...I'm not sure why this is hard for people, it's a pretty easy rule to remember!
As much as I am not surprised, I am appalled by the stories in this thread but I think it's really good there's a forum for sharing them - a lot of hurt that needs an outlet.
My dad, who I love and everyone I know would call a good and generally very kind and thoughtful person, trust me, will occasionally make a joking remark about my mom's weight. None of us put up with it but I honestly don't think he even sees why it's a problem. Maybe next time I will remind him of the rules...
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9/8/13 10:36 A
Honestly, I've been told I was fat so many times in so many ways, I am desensitized. I try not to comment on other people's weight, but an acquaintance of mine gained A LOT of weight in a very short time, and I am worried about her health. I doubt I will say anything anyway for fear of insulting her.
9/8/13 8:36 A
kendilynn - reading what you wrote not only made me feel sad but outraged. I hope your SIL finds the courage and strength to kick your BIL to the curb. Abuse doesn't only come in the form of physical abuse and he is definitely abusive towards her. I hope she can get away from him before he permanently convinces her that she's unworthy.
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2,617 9/8/13 12:52 A
My BIL is constantly making fun of his wife for being "fat". If she sits down on the couch, he will bounce up off the other end, as if her weight catapulted him off. Or he'll post on Facebook, "Sorry about the earthquake, my wife slipped in the shower." And when he and my husband get together, it's so much worse as they feed off each other. I've told them both that I don't think it's funny and that I take personal offense to their comments. There have been times when she and I were approximately the same size, so if she's fat what does that make me?? That shut my husband up in a hurry, because as mean as they are to her (while they think it's "joking"), he would never even suggest that he found me anything less than perfect. Honestly, I don't know how she puts up with him sometimes.
Now that I have daughters I'm even more aware of what they hear, especially our of mine and their dad's mouths. I try never to talk about myself or anyone else being fat/getting fat, but to frame our goal as to be "healthy". I would hate for them to see/hear how they talk about my SIL and think that it's okay to treat people like that. I also would hate for then to be afraid that someone will make fun of them for being "fat" and give them a complex.
9/7/13 9:43 P
are they a close family member or friend - yes, only if it's out of true concern and love. No, if it's meant to be snarky/hurtful/demeaning no matter who it is.
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9/7/13 8:55 P
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9/7/13 7:37 P
I agree with Fenway Girl. Unless you are a close friend and know the person has been dieting and trying to lose weight don't say anything.
9/7/13 6:34 P
I don't think you should comment whether they gained or loss, sometimes you don't know the reason for them losing weight and I remember a girl (I worked with ) telling this other girl she hadn't seen in a while how happy she was for her that she lost weight, the girl said well thanks but I lost the weight because of cancer so, I'd rather be my old self..... Boy did she feel stupid..... so I think it's better to just say nothing
1. some people just have no filter. they think it and then it comes tumbling out of their mouth. with the rise of social media, this seems to be getting worse as having followers seems to mean that everyone else must surely want to know every gem of an idea that flits through one's head.
2. there are some misguided attempts to "help." in other words, the person commenting really believes that the person with the weight issue has somehow missed this point and would benefit from knowing that it is in fact an issue.
I will never forgot the day when at my heaviest I walked out of a restaurant and over heard some men say "I hope there is food left", was it directed at me, it didn't matter because I felt it was. Or the comment a coworker made saying that my chair was not big enough for me. Comments hurt, but I must admit they helped me achieve where I am today. Now the comments are reversed, people telling me positive things about what I have achieved. Trust me as with the negative I will use the positive to not return to my past.
In our social environment, where body image is all-important and character has apparently no import whatsoever, I think people BELIEVE remarks on weight are appropriate. I do not agree! We're a superficial society, unfortunately. It didn't use to be this way.
I have less issue with a close friend or family member expressing concern if someone has clearly lost a lot of weight suddenly - but even then, only in light of possible health concerns associated with that loss. And only from people who love and care about you and are worried about your health.
As to the remarks from boyfriends on that radio show... good the ladies in question heard them now, unless they choose to be bound to such shallow men for the rest of their lives. I hope they have the good sense to dump them back into the gene pool, where they may sink. Hope springs eternal.
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2,545 9/7/13 2:00 P
Even with weight loss compliments, we need to be careful. I had a co worker tell me that she was worried that I had cancer because I had lost so much weight! (30#s in a year isn't that much! Get real!) Geez, do I look ill? Emaciated? Like I'm dying? Do you know something I don't?
I think some people comment because they care. Some care, but are tactless. Some are just mean. Some are jealous. Some are happy your fat because it means that aren't alone or that they are thinner than you.
My favorite compliment is "you look great" and then to mention the outfit or hair or whatever.
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9/7/13 1:22 P
No don't let them know they are overweight (they already know) - but congrats on "weight loss"
9/7/13 8:35 A
I'd say no don't comment on their overweight but yes to give them a compliment about weight loss.
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1,230 9/7/13 8:09 A
No it is not ok. Telling someone they are fat or overweight. It's like telling an amputee they are missing a limb. No one would do that! Encouragement is great, degrading someone is not.
9/7/13 7:59 A
absolutely not. !! I don't care if its a family member or who it is.. Most of the time its your family who are just down right mean.
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9/7/13 7:54 A
Compliments on weight loss are usually fine.
Many people think they can use tact and diplomacy, but the person on the receiving end would probably tell you something different. DUH - do you think they don't know?
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9/7/13 7:03 A
No, it's never ok to point out the obvious and put someone down. I've had horrible things said to me and none of it had to do with my weight. People need to mind their own business and tend to their own "houses" instead of belittling others to gain some self importance.
Walk away from these people and never look back. They are toxic.
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9/7/13 3:56 A
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166 9/6/13 11:05 P
Yes. I think it's perfectly okay to discuss weight with someone. The problem is, people forget that a certain level of tact and diplomacy needs to be used, and people forget that there is a lot of hurt for others around weight.
Someone may say "You're getting fat, you should lose weight" and mean it entirely because of health risks associated with being larger, etc. This person cares about the person they're making the statement to, but it's unlikely the second person will see it as care, they will likely see it as an attack. It's very difficult to have an honest conversation with someone, because everyone comes at the same situation from a different angle. And people forget that everyone has different experiences. If you ask someone to explain something, some people will and others will look at you like you're crazy for not knowing, even if you're just trying to make sure both parties are thinking the same thing.
As for the boys who've said "Gain weight and I'll drop you" — drop them. That's an obvious failed relationship waiting to happen.
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306 9/6/13 10:46 P
It's only O.K. for a doctor to comment on your weight. A common person making a comment does not help anyone. We all own mirrors and know if we need to lose weight. What is the point of the comment.
I think the only good time to comment on someone's weight is when you know that they have been trying hard to lose weight (because they've shared it with you) and you can see the results. Other than that no.
here is my opinion. Keep your thoughts to your self. As a child I was skinny and scrawny. I was talked about.......I was told I could stand in the shadow of a barbed wire fence. As an adult I have had people talk about my weight. A lady I know said that people were talking about my being too skinny..........they were talking about me behind my back. A persons weights is between them and God............And no one else unless they make it that way.
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360 9/6/13 9:54 P
I have a different experience. Among all of the people I am exposed to, no one ever makes comments about anyone wh is overweight. The only time comments are ever made is when someone is not overweight. Even if the person is fit and at a healthy weight, they are called things like "twiggy" and told they will blow away in the wind, need to eat a cheeseburger, or some other nasty thing.
No matter a person's weight, it's wrong to put people down like this. In my experience, only the people wh have issues with themselves do this to others.
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23,765 9/6/13 9:42 P
At work we have a lot of pregnancies at the moment. One of my female colleagues (who is known for not having much tact) "jokingly" went around asking all the women if they were "with child". It was offensive and not funny at all.
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499 9/6/13 9:35 P
I have to agree with the comments regarding only comment on someone's weight IF in fact it is obvious they've lost a lot of weight, and sort of expect to hear about it. If it's not noticeable and you simply say it to be nice, the person may feel you think of them as a fat person etc... Those comments to me just sound plain rude. Not a comment, a straight up insult! I think in general unless the person's lost a ton of weight and therefore most likely loves the comments (I sure do!) - It's safest to steer clear of the topic.
Someones Weight is Personal and Nobody else's Business! Say NOTHING unless a compliment!
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3,775 9/6/13 8:35 P
Only as a compliment to someone you know well.
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1,299 9/6/13 7:26 P
"Why do you think people believe it is okay to comment on people who are overweight?"
Apparently, there is a need in many adults to belittle others in order to feel superior, even if they are actually "inferior" in most things. In the 60's I was made fun of because I had long hair (short by today's overall standards). Short people and minority (dark-skinned) people and foreigners with accents and overweight people, etc. are often commented upon, either openly or "behind their backs," depending on location and environment.
I find the reason to be somewhat complex; but, in general, I think it is because of a characteristic in many people to be able to put themselves above others -- to feel more important.
I also think TV, magazines, and movies have shoved down our throats that "thin is in," so that people who are heavier are often commented upon, unfairly.
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9/6/13 6:54 P
It takes a miserable person to say miserable things.
There's going to be situations where commenting on someone's weight is said in concern for the person's health; a family member, a close friend.
But most of these situations sound like it was said just to hurt the person and that is never okay.
Personally, I don't think it's helpful to comment on a person's weight, whether it's over or under average weight. That being said, it depends on the relationship with the person and more importantly the motive for saying something. As for a ring, if the guy doesn't want you heavy then he's not worth having you.
See, I grew up with heavy people and I would never say anything, but I was nowhere near as surprised as the DJ when the calls started pouring in. I think our society, for the most part, allows it. I think "they" feel like it's okay because you could have done something about it.
9/6/13 6:06 P
I don't think it is appropriate to comment on someone's weight.
9/6/13 6:04 P
I don't think it's ever ok to comment on someone else's appearance except to compliment them.
And the "boyfriends" did those callers a favor. Hope the callers dumped them.
This morning the radio show I listen to on the way to work was talking about the worst true thing that was ever said to you. There were a few that were not weight related (although still superficial), but most of them had to do with people's weights. Even the DJ was stunned by how quickly it was clear that the most common thing was weight and that people felt perfectly fine saying things about it if you were overweight.
One caller was told by her boyfriend that if she wanted the ring, she better hit the gym and another was told the by her boyfriend that if she blew up like her mom, it would be over. Then there was one who had a sometimes co-worker see her for the the first time after gaining 30 pounds make a crack about her eating someone. Another said had a friend look at a picture they'd just taken and compare her to a whale. It just went on and on.
Why do you think people believe it is okay to comment on people who are overweight?
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