Sounds like you both know what I am talking about, and I have thought about both before I posted. I do think I have become a bit self-obsessed and, like you said, I go to church but it's like a class or a job, where it is only a commitment to go. I never really felt that strong pull towards God, but most of the people I know that go to church seem to have the "pull." I have one particularly friend that I talk to, but in general there are several friends that I can talk openly to. I've heard about exercise giving me energy as well. I believe it, but it's kind of ironic, isn't it? Using more energy to get energy? I've considered depression, I don't think I am, but I could ask my dad since he has a psychology degree (I'm not sure what subset of psychology though, pretty sure it's the emotional part). I don't think I really know how to get back to God at this point. I think, in order, I will exercise (and eat healthy) more, ask my dad to help with it, work on becoming less self-obsessed and then work on fixing my relationship with God. Wow, that was a long reply... sorry for the wall of text.
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I had been diagnosed with depression, bi-polar, ADHD, and other physc/emotional issues. But it turns out my problems had to do with being self-obsessed and distant from God. I too went to church, but it was like a class or a job. I called out to God sincerely for help, and He answered. I now live with knowledge of God being real and in charge of my life. Whew! What a weight off of my shoulders.
Anyway, maybe a spiritual solution may help you as well. Do you have any friends you can talk with openly about your life, etc?
I deal with depression too. Sounds like you are neutral emotionally, not to sad but not happy either. I know for me even at my most depressed I had times of happiness sometimes brought on by excessive alcohol use (not something I suggest) and sometimes brought on by other things. But now that my depression is managed that neutral feeling is gone. When I was in the same situation you are in now, I called it depression. I'm not saying you are only you can determine that but for me it was depression. When I finally got tired of it I went to the doctor and got antidepression meds which I have now taken for around 20 years off and on. This seems like a long time but my depression was pretty severe. I also went into counseling which was a great help and still is today. I've come a long way from were I was at 20 years ago. I took charge of my depression and said I wasn't going to keep going like I was and I took steps to get rid of it.
Being here at SP and having goals to lose the extra weight and develop a health lifestyle is the first steps in getting rid of your neutral emotional status. I've always heard and have experienced it myself that exercise is a great way to boost your moods. Even on days I didn't want to exercise and did anyway I felt better because of the endorphens and the sense of accomplishment of doing something. You said you feel like you don't have the energy for it anymore. I know for me when I exercise on a regular basis and eat healthy I have more energy and more stamina to do things I like to do.
You said you worry to much in general. So do I and boy can that zap your energy and keep you down. My faith in God has help me in this area a great deal. I still worry but not as much. Church for me has been a great place to heal from all the wounds I have carried around for so long. The more I heal the better I feel.
Keep posting my friend and keep fighting the good fight. I can tell you from experience that you can get past this. If I did anyone can.
I'm not sure what forum this goes in but here I go. I'm don't really ever get truly happy, I don't know if I worry too much about my weight, if I worry too much in general but still. I know I am not depressed because I still feel the entire range of emotions, but nothing really stands out anymore as strongly sad, strongly happy, or any real strong emotion. I don't know why. Maybe I simply don't have the energy for it any more... Any one have any ideas why?
More info - I am 20 years old, in college for a second degree, live with parents, have several friends, go to church every Sunday, 245 lbs and 5'11".
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