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STARS4ME Posts: 226
5/11/13 9:51 P

I am fine. Looking forward to a nice time with my 4 kids tomorrow for mother's day emoticon . I hope Everyone else here has a beautiful day !

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (101,558)
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Posts: 2,953
5/11/13 7:06 P

I hope that the woman who posted the original thread is all right!

TCANNO SparkPoints: (111,616)
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Posts: 19,767
5/11/13 3:22 A

It says it all as the post has been removed, I had better not say anymore emoticon

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (234,859)
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Posts: 7,194
5/11/13 12:07 A

He must be a very immature person.

BERRY4 SparkPoints: (144,475)
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Posts: 7,121
5/10/13 11:09 P

Sorry, but last time I was "told to do something" I was a child living at home. -- After that, there needs to be an adult relationship of mutual respect. Requests can be made... but the only people I "tell what to do" are my own children who are learning how to be adults! And I remind them that I will not do what they are capable of doing for themselves! (That is called "enabling")

OKIEGIRL561 Posts: 2,362
5/10/13 10:43 P

everywhere I go I see signs up about getting help for abuse. i even see them written in English with another language. really important to reach out and stop the abuse. it does affect the children if they see a parent abused emotionally.

STARS4ME Posts: 226
5/10/13 9:58 P

Today was a very good day , Happy to have my children home from school for the weekend. working hard on tracking diet and fitness , I really like SP Thank you all for the supportive comments . emoticon So you all know I collect stars they are a sign of Hope to me. they are all around my home. Focusing on the positive !

DMJAKES Posts: 1,596
5/10/13 1:49 P

I can't really add much to the advice you've already been given, except to stress the fact that NO ONE deserves abuse, whether emotional, physical or sexual.

You may think that everything you do and endure is for your son, but stop and think.....what kind of example and environment is this for him? I'm quite certain he feels the stress, unhappiness and anger in the house. After so many years, he obviously isn't going to change without some kind of HUGE intervention, and he may not want to change even then. Please, get some counseling for yourself first, then perhaps you and your son--then involve the hubby when you feel strong enough.

You have to decide where the line will be and what the consequences are, and you'll need a network and support to fall back on if things get rough. I wish you luck and all the happiness in the world--you deserve it.

I do have to add that if my old man EVER tried to tell me what to do or yelled at me like that, I'd remind him that he has to sleep some day and Loraina Bobbit is my hero emoticon

Edited by: DMJAKES at: 5/10/2013 (13:50)
DIETER27 Posts: 6,398
5/10/13 12:24 P

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JGIRL5799 Posts: 553
5/10/13 11:53 A

Very well said Bobby!!!!
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OP- just know there are tons of people that care on this community

GRIZ1GIRL SparkPoints: (130,075)
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Posts: 2,241
5/10/13 11:30 A

If you're in an abusive relationship, there is help out there! Seek out your local women's shelter, and ask to speak with a counselor....

LEC358 SparkPoints: (9,659)
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Posts: 2,250
5/10/13 11:15 A

The best advice I can give: www.thehotline.org/

FIRECOM SparkPoints: (107,673)
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Posts: 5,855
5/10/13 11:14 A

A jerk by any other name is still a jerk.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (61,851)
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Posts: 4,472
5/10/13 11:12 A

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

SPROCKETS1 SparkPoints: (35,506)
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Posts: 1,122
5/10/13 11:05 A

emoticon I understand how you feel, and how tricky it seems. I imagine he's been controlling for a long time, and now takes his problems out on you. You need to fix this. It may seem too hard to do or not worth the bother, but you also need to consider your wonderful son. Do you want him to grow up being made to feel bad as you do? Do you want him to think this is how adult men are supposed to treat their family members? You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Everybody does, you included. You took the hard first step towards having a healthy body when you joined SparkPeople, so you are smart and strong! Take the first step towards helping your family too. Find a community social worker or councilor and talk to them about how you feel and what you can do about it. The people at your son's hospital probably could point you to one, or may even have on on staff. We're here for you, and we've got your back. You can do this!
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BOBBYS1GIRL SparkPoints: (5,364)
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Posts: 302
5/10/13 10:33 A

Wow. There are so many things going on in your situation that just break my heart. First I want you to know something. You are important. Let me say that again. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Your health and well being should be a priority to you AND your husband. And his should be important to you both as well. The two of you should be working together to take care of yourselves. This situation with your son requires strength from both of you as individuals, and as a team. You marriage sounds rocky at best. It sounds like it started off with him controlling the situation and somewhere along the way you lost your identity apart from him. Get yourselves in counseling, and learn how to communicate with each other. And don't stop taking care of yourself. If he has been or ever becomes physically abusive, or if his controlling nature continues to get worse, for the sake of you and your son you will need to be strong enough to leave. You deserve to be loved, cherished, and appreciated. This disconnect is not healthy for your marriage, or for you. Please get help. If you need information on how to get help, feel free to privately message anyone on this board. We will do what we can to help you.

God bless,

Melanie

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
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Posts: 3,116
5/10/13 10:25 A

More than not fair; outright abusive. I am going to pray you get the help you need for you and your son.
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ONTHEPATH2 SparkPoints: (54,283)
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Posts: 3,011
5/10/13 10:18 A

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I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
5/10/13 10:11 A

I bet the abuse started 37 years ago and when you wrote this you were feeling extra emotionally weak. I don't think poor you or sweetie, this does nothing for people who stay with abuse. I say this because that's where problems happen too, they want that sweetie this, sweetie that from their spouse but don't get it and so when they get it from others they feel good and carry on with the controlling abusive arse, seek some sweet words from others, feel good then go back and repeat, repeat, repeat. I also think it is abuse to let abuse carry on time after time when we are able to leave, there are lots of programs to help if you have no friends or family that support you. When there is a will there is a way. I do hope you start to love yourself enough to do something about it. This is my tough love, I am not picking on you.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/10/13 9:22 A

Right, Judy. Marriage is a partnership!

JUDYAMK SparkPoints: (22,237)
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Posts: 1,393
5/10/13 9:19 A

Oh my you talk about CONTROL!!!! You are not a child.I remember when I went to Israel, Greece & Jordan my husband would not fly let alone out of the country, I had so many many people tell me if you were my wife I would not LET you go or MY husband would NEVER LET me go.I held up my hand & said STOP right there we do not OWN one another we respect one another's wishes & dreams to reach them. I am not a dog so please do not use the word LET!!!!
Judy

ASHLEYGILLE SparkPoints: (11,171)
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Posts: 1,427
5/9/13 11:44 P

Please do consider counseling. You could share your experiences, related feelings, etc. with someone: a professional, and "in person". (We are certainly a support here at SP, but it sure sounds like you could benefit from more.) A therapist could help you consider ALL of your options and, ideally, (with time) empower you to stand up for yourself and to make decisions that are right for you and your future. Remember, you are worthy of A LOT, no matter what your weight. xoxo

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,297
5/9/13 11:23 P

Just want to echo that it is not right for your spouse to yell at you.
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VATRUCKER SparkPoints: (20,629)
Fitness Minutes: (36,922)
Posts: 526
5/9/13 10:11 P

Get rid of this abuse, one way or the other before it makes any further headway. Next time he yells at u or in anyway abuses u, stand up to him and ask him if he wants to be hit in the head with biggest frying pan u got, or better yet a night in jail for spousal abuse emoticon

Edited by: VATRUCKER at: 5/9/2013 (22:11)
ETHELMERZ SparkPoints: (90,290)
Fitness Minutes: (71,640)
Posts: 4,347
5/9/13 9:38 P

You know in your heart what you have to do to this twirp, any neighbors who hear the yelling, relatives who know what's going on but won't grab him and knock him out?

SHERRILLYEE SparkPoints: (31,474)
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Posts: 167
5/9/13 9:15 P

Please take care of yourself first and foremost, obviously your husband is not going to do it. And believe me, you are worth it!!

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,718
5/9/13 9:06 P

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GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/9/13 8:01 P

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STARS4ME Posts: 226
5/9/13 7:54 P

Removed post

Edited by: STARS4ME at: 5/10/2013 (23:20)
LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 1,925
5/9/13 7:33 P

If your husband wants you to do something, he should ASK. He has no right to TELL you what to do, even if he is your husband.
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JGIRL5799 Posts: 553
5/9/13 7:32 P

These ladies have given wonderful advice for you and I do have to agree with them..

It just hurts because there is nothing we can do but give advice online... however, If I knew you were my neighbor and this was going on, you can bet I would have gotten involved with the cops and called on it for the domestic abuse.
I can not stand seeing people being abused whether its physical or emotionally. I am very concerned, Its been a long time for you to deal with this and enough is enough.. you know whats right or not.. do you have family or friends that can help you get out of this situation? Use them


Edited by: JGIRL5799 at: 5/9/2013 (19:33)
TSISQUAUSDI Posts: 1,584
5/9/13 7:31 P

Please get some counselling. You poor thing - You are being emotionally abused, and he has no right to do that to you. He must be an insecure a$$!! If I were you, I'd tell him to pi$$ off!!

SUZZQ4LIFE SparkPoints: (26,789)
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5/9/13 7:14 P

Let me get this right: You work out of the home, trying to follow a healthy eating lifestyle and exercise plan, married for 37 years and your hubby yells and bashes you for not doing what he told you to do. I've been married to the same man for 42 years and he would NEVER yell at me or TELL ME WHAT TO DO! What your husband is doing is not right. He sounds like a controlling person and doesn't want you to be happy about yourself. Please talk to someone about this. It could be your pastor, priest, very close friend, or a counselor. You need to be assertive and not be his maid. My husband and I make meals together, do yard work together, etc. In a marriage, it's a team effort. You're not his personal slave at his beckon call.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,328
5/9/13 7:13 P

You are right, it is not fair. It is extremely unfair. What you describe, even with so few words, strikes me as abusive. And although you're in a 37 year long pattern, that does not make it right or ok. My heart goes out to you... changing lifelong patterns is difficult, it can be very overwhelming to try and steer in a new direction, even to think about it... I wish you well and hope you will recognize that this sort of controlling behavior is NOT ok, I hope you will reach out for support (friend? family? doctor? pastor? counsellor? womens services help line?). There is assistance out there and it's never too late to go looking for it.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/9/13 7:06 P

Yes, Honey-which I do NOT say to be condescending. Please don't take it as that. I understand that you're older than I am-but not by a whole bunch. I mean all due respect and say it only because my heart DOES break for you. By all means, we ARE here for you. We can provide you with links if necessary to help you (and any of your kids) to get out of that situation. No one should have to go through that.
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I have to add-Biblically speaking, we are to submit to our husbands. Some...a lot...of husbands stop there and use that as an excuse to treat their wives as slaves, mistreat, abuse, etc. WHICH God does not allow for us to do to ANYONE. Husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ loves the church, insomuch as He laid his life down for the church.

Edited by: GLITTERFAIRY77 at: 5/9/2013 (19:14)
MEGAPEEJ Posts: 732
5/9/13 7:00 P

I agree with glitterfairy, he sounds abusive and controlling and I'm very concerned for you. Husbands shouldn't YELL at their wives for "not doing what you were told", and everyone deserves, no, needs to take time for themselves. You're right that it's NOT fair you were yelled at for doing things for your health and well-being - it shouldn't have happened.

I know we're just strangers on the internet, but my heart breaks for you that your good day turned bad because of someone that's supposed to love and respect you. I hope you take care of yourself - don't hesitate to keep talking to us here if you could use the support.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/9/13 6:52 P

Wow...Just...Wow. Sweety, he sounds like a nightmare. Is it JUST yelling?

STARS4ME Posts: 226
5/9/13 6:46 P

Removed post.

Edited by: STARS4ME at: 5/10/2013 (23:19)
GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/9/13 6:38 P

That sounds like emotional abuse, sweety...Because you hadn't gotten to what he TOLD you (not asked you like a respectable man) to do for the day? Because you took a LITTLE bit of time for yourself in an effort to get healthier? Honey, maybe it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Some men single out women of size because they perceive them to have low self-esteem. (One of my ex-boyfriends did that. Told me I was beautiful. He loves a big woman, blah blah blah. Not a week after we were going out he told me that I needed to lose weight. I was too fat. Started being abusive. That relationsh*t lasted three weeks.) If this is not the only time he has ever done anything like this, if he expects you to be at his beckon call every time, but he won't return the favor, either get counseling or get out.

CHERYLHURT SparkPoints: (132,888)
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Posts: 22,727
5/9/13 6:31 P

I'm sorry your husband yelled at you. That was unfair, unkind, and uncalled for!

STARS4ME Posts: 226
5/9/13 6:22 P

removed post


Edited by: STARS4ME at: 5/10/2013 (23:18)
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