I think that if I make it into my 80s, I will want things my way too!
Seriously, my mom is in her 80s and I do try to do things her way--what and when she wants. She's not going to be around forever and I want to make her as happy as I can. I can't always do everything I'd like to for her, but I do try. She worked hard to raise her kids and we were always her biggest priority when we were growing up. So, I try to do what I can to make sure she's as happy as possible now.
I hope you don't take this as overly critical, and I really don't mean it that way at all, but... I can understand when people need to work and cannot make it to something, but "made other plans" means, at least to me, that it's something optional. So, it sounds like your 22 year old is choosing to do something like go hang out with friends or go on a date or something rather than being there for the grandparents and I think that may indicate a rather self-centered attitude/priority list. I think this is a common problem amongst teens and 20-somethings, but I think it's something that needs a bit of parental correction (i.e. I'd at least remind my kid that it's hurtful to the grandparents, who aren't going to be around forever and that grandparents should be more important that friends, dates, partying or whatever and that I was disappointed in him/her). Honestly, I was like this when I was in my 20s. I would have much rather spent time with friends than family. But, I knew that it was selfish to feel that way and I didn't want to hurt feelings, so I attended family functions and put on my best happy face even though I'd rather have been somewhere else.
My Dad gave in and we will be celebrating tomorrow ( Friday) night , we will just be missing our 22 year old who made other plans.
I think once he realized he can't always get "his way" he had to settle for 4 out of 5 family members going to dinner .
He has been this way all his life, he was the youngest of 5 and his two sisters and his Mother spoiled him rotten. My Mother will admit to adding to it all. She also spoiled him and gave him what he wanted when he wanted it.
Yes I know he is old and won't be with us forever but that is no excuse for him being selfish and ALWAYS wanting things his way.
We did just make plans this week, the oldest works full time, the middle one is in college and works and my disabled Husband has his own issues and sometimes does not want to leave the house. I had to convince him to go out in public for dinner ( another story for another day )
Dealing with so many people with different personalities and issues is hard on me. I try to accommodate everyone but sometimes I just can't .
I was good last night and just went to bed , No cupcake
Edited by: SNOOPY1960 at: 9/19/2013 (19:33)
Fitness Minutes: (3,332)
48 9/19/13 2:09 P
I feel ya Snoopy! My husband is like this and he is only 39. We have had plenty of activities or events ruined by his bad attitude regarding people not wanting to do it "his way". I wish he would realize that this is how our kids will remember him when they are adults. But anyway...I agree with the poster that said to just take your 11 year old. It's technically their day and honestly they've been married so long they probably don't understand why a big deal is being made over it anyway. Or see if a better day works for them and ask the kids to manage their schedules accordingly. If they won't then just celebrate without them.
Fitness Minutes: (53,135)
1,449 9/19/13 9:38 A
Since I don't know your dad, he may have been cranky his entire life, but 87 sometimes equals cranky. Go with the flow. If you can leave your disabled husband for a few hours, take your 11 year old with you and go on Saturday.
9/19/13 7:55 A
Well. It's not like their anniversary date was a surprize... Plans could've been made some time ago, so that the kids knew to ask off work or not plan something else. Surely you didn't wait til this week, to decide to take them to dinner.... If previous history with him has shown you that he can be a bit obstinate-- personally I'd have planned this a month ago, had an agreed-upon date, and told the kids to accomodate the dinner plans accordingly. If that's what you did, and the kids ignored you-- well. Bad on the kids, not on your dad.
That said. I agree that your dad may be more "set in his ways" than anything else. Who knows, maybe his favorite show comes on, on Friday night-- and he never figured out how to Tivo anything. Plus too, he was raised in an age where the man ruled the roost, head of the household, made all the decisions. Not excusing that behavior, just sayin'-- it was indeed the way things were. Your folks are about the age range of mine. It was a totally different way of life, most women did not work outside the home, families had one car only (which the man took to work), and the man was the breadwinner and chief decision-maker for the family. Or maybe he just likes to exert control over whatever little things he can. At 87 he is probably not going to change.
He is also probably not going to be around that many more years. After he is gone, you will tell stories and laugh over how he insisted on having his way over what day or what time something would be done. My FIL insisted his funeral not be held in the morning, because he didn't like to get up early. We held it in the early afternoon and still laugh over it.
Fitness Minutes: (268,374)
9/19/13 6:25 A
I don't think your parents are being cranky. They may just be set in their ways. Saturday may be a better day for them just like Friday is a better day for you. While it might be nice to celebrate their anniversary close to their anniversary, perhaps it would be better to find a day that fits as many schedules as possible.
Instead of an anniversary dinner, you could have an anniversary brunch. They might prefer that if they knew most of their family would attend. I suspect part of the problem is that they are disappointment more family members won't be attending. I understand the kids have their own lives, but even they can take ONE day to spend with their family.
I would take a couple of weeks to make some plans that would make your parents happy. It really is their day. So, people should try to accommodate their wishes. It's just one meal. Surely folks can compromise enough to help them celebrate their 65th anniversary. No need to stress out.
There are better ways to release your stress that don't involve food. take a a walk. I find walking really helpful.
Fitness Minutes: (40,111)
25,373 9/19/13 4:45 A
My Mum is 92 in a week - my Stepfather 94 in December. They both still live at home, but I run around a fair bit after them - out of necessity, not because they 'want' or 'expect' it.
Sometimes we need to weigh things up. Ask yourself this: Is it "IMPORTANT" that it be held that day. If both the dates chosen by you and your father aren't suitable for each other, ask your father what other day would suit, and give him a list of the days that suit you.
Good luck, Kris
9/18/13 11:56 P
Well, to be fair, it IS his party.
Here's the thing, my grandmother was a bossy old gal. She was always ordering me around. She ran me ragged. Everything had to be her way.
And you know what?
I'd give ANYTHING to have her bossing me around right now. When she passed away, I had a very sudden and painful hole in my life.
Spoil your parents. Tell your kids to stop being so self-absorbed. They made plans on your parents' 65th anniversary?! HECK NO! I'd be kicking them in the pants all the way to the dinner table.
Eat the cupcake...and then give him what he wants.
Maybe this is not the place, but stress gets to me and I eat !!
My parents are both 87 years old and are still able to live on their own. They can cook, clean and do everything which is wonderful but my Dad is literally a cranky old man.
They will be married 65 years on Thursday and we would like to take them to dinner on Friday. My Dad is not happy with that, he insists we do it on Saturday.
My oldest can not make it Saturday, she is 22 years old and made plans, my 19 year old can't make it, she has to work. I also have a disabled Husband and an 11 year old. My life is not easy and my Dad simply does not or will not try to understand it all.
He is furious and said if we can't come on Saturday , don't come at all.
Why do old people have to be so damn cranky ???!!!!
Long story but he has been like this my ENTIRE life. Everything has to be his way or no way.
Can't tell you how many holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc etc he ruined because it was not celebrated the day he wanted or didn't do it exactly as he wanted.
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