The things you are saying we take very seriously. If you are really having these thoughts, you need to call a suicide and/or crisis hotline right away. If you need help finding resources in your area, let me know and I would be happy to do that for you.
SparkPeople is a great place for support, but we are not equipped to deal with these kinds of issues. You need to talk to a professional who specializes in these kinds of things. They can help you work through these feelings so that you can deal with them and move forward in a positive way.
When I got to the end, I just had to say PLEASE see your medical professional and tell him/her what you told us here. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to mess around with, and I want you to get someone that can actually help you - we're all just strangers on a message board and just aren't qualified or able to give you the help you need.
If you're in the US, you can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Please take care of you.
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2 3/5/14 3:17 P
Hi everyone. I've been really down about this lately and figured this would be the best place to ask! I'm 19 and a freshman in college. Freshman year hasn't been nice to me (think dining hall and hours sitting at my desk studying, not getting exercise). Recently my boyfriend and I have been trying to eat better and go to the gym, but I'm losing motivation. My motivation was to look good for my spring break trip to Florida with my parents, but now that it's only 2 weeks away and I have seen no improvement I feel like there is no reason to exercise. I'm constantly worrying about how other people look at me. I have paranoid feelings that my family talks about how fat I have become when I see them during breaks. When I left for college I was about a size 10, and now I am wearing a size 15. Most of my clothes are tight fitting and I just don't have the money to spend on new clothes since I just bought all these not that long ago. I went through a period of eating disorder where I lost 100 pounds in 10 months, and now that the weight is starting to come back I'm feeling like there is no reason to live and I might as well kill myself (Note: I do suffer from panic disorder, depression and anxiety with a history of suicide attempts). I'm hoping maybe someone here could help me out with motivation. I know I need to do something about my body, I just don't know "why".
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