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BLAYNESGAMMY Posts: 74
4/10/13 8:41 P

The best advice I can give you as a woman who has been divorced for 13 years, take time for yourself. Don't get into another relationship for a while. Give yourself time to heal. Figure out who you are, and where you want to be in life. A man doesn't equal happiness. :)



PURPLEANGEL31 SparkPoints: (40)
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4/10/13 3:43 P

Thank you so much for your kind encouraging words. All I can do is take things day by day. Right now its tough and the wounds are still so fresh. I'm truely saddened by the fact that I wont get to see my wonderful stepchildren again. They were a small piece of joy during out short marriage. I do know that it is for the best tho and I need to move forward not back. I do know that I did all that I could and it wasnt enough, but I am ready to start over fresh.

JXFINK SparkPoints: (48,174)
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4/10/13 1:08 P

I'm sorry that you are having a hard time. Divorce can be extremely traumatic and difficult. The heartache will go away in time. The first thing you must do is accept that you have no control over what happened and begin to focus on the things that you do have control over.

For me, when my ex-husband called it quits, I chose not to let it devastate me. I cried for a short while and let it eat me alive. I played out over and over all the harsh words we exchanged. Then one night while I was lying awake, I said to myself that I had no control over him and the events that led him to this decision. All I had control over was how I reacted to it. I chose to NOT let it define me and to let this be a glorious opportunity to work on myself and find out who I was again. I got involved in my community by doing volunteer work, I lost a bunch of weight and slowly bought a whole new wardrobe. I got a new job and found self acceptance. I always held my head high and never let him know the toll his decision took on my heart.

It took him 10 years, but he did eventually apologize for walking away from me and our children, and last year as we were sitting at our oldest daughter's high school graduation with our parents, our new spouses and their parents (awkward), he turned to me as I was crying with pride and told me that I did a great job raising our daughter. THAT moment was so worth everything I had been through since that October day in 2001 when he asked me for a divorce.

You'll find your way too. Make yourself the priority. Find something that you enjoy and immerse yourself in it. Get involved in your community or church and meet new people. Work on taking care of YOU. Focus on being the best version of YOU that you can be. Don't waste your energy worrying about him. I know it's hard, but try. And one day, it might be 2 years or 10 years down the road, but one day you will have a moment that makes the struggle worth having gone through. You only have control of YOU, so make yourself GREAT

PURPLEANGEL31 SparkPoints: (40)
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4/9/13 10:07 P

Well it seems that my marriage was over before it really ever began. 3 years and nothing to show for it. Does the heartache ever go away or get better. How does one begin to pick up and start all over? Any advice?

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