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CAANDAHL4 SparkPoints: (1,490)
Fitness Minutes: (1,094)
Posts: 25
10/22/13 3:35 P

Hi,
Ya that sucks.My son is "high needs" too and NOBODY will do respite for him,it is very annoying.

Does your mom just not want to go to a support group?





MCMURRIN2010 SparkPoints: (1,374)
Fitness Minutes: (258)
Posts: 9
10/20/13 10:30 P

Keep your chin up things will get better!

ANDILH Posts: 1,252
10/18/13 4:50 P

Hi CAAN,
Unfortunately the local day groups (since my sister has aged out of school) aren't safe enough for her. We do some resources through the county, but I'm responsible for administering those as we can't find anyone willing to care for her because of her varied needs. Even her case worker has said that the county doesn't have anyone qualified to care for her.
I've suggested support groups for my mom, but haven't had any luck convincing her yet. I don't have enough time to add anything else to my schedule. I think that's why I like the online message boards. I'm currently at my nanny job with my sister, and can use my computer while the kids practice instruments or do homework.

1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
Fitness Minutes: (542)
Posts: 91
10/17/13 11:55 A

find a support group they will offer u a lot of help and support

CAANDAHL4 SparkPoints: (1,490)
Fitness Minutes: (1,094)
Posts: 25
10/16/13 3:28 P

Hey,
My son also has "severe" needs.Is there a respite or a day program your sister can be in?
As far as your mom goes,maybe she should find a support group or a therapist,I understand life sucks sometimes but if she is having a hard time dealing maybe she needs help..It is ok to ask for help,there is nothing to be ashamed of if she or you do need help.

Email me if you want to talk :)

ANDILH Posts: 1,252
10/15/13 6:36 P

I know there isn't a solution to my problem right now and I don't want a pity party. But I need objective opinions.
My step-dad filed for divorce (and had my mom served at work) last November. I live with my mom because of my sister's severe and varied disabilities and medical needs. He has been verbally abusive for a long time, so the divorce wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I do wish it had happened like 15 years ago really. But now, my mom is in the funk. I don't think she's depressed really, but sometimes she's sad, sometimes she's angry. I know she's going through a grieving process. However, the only she does around the house is mow the lawn. We live on a lot of acreage so it takes about 3 hours to mow even with a commercial mower. I also can't ride the mower because of a back injury.
I'm overwhelmed. I've suddenly become responsible for maintaining our entire house. I do all the cleaning, most of the laundry, about half the cooking, all the grocery shopping, and 75% of the care for my sister. When I ask her for help she agrees that she'll do more, but then nothing changes. I don't want to push her too far. My now former step dad beat her down in a lot of ways and almost completely isolated her through the years. Her best friend (who withstood the abuse) died a few years ago after an untreatable brain tumor. Almost everyone who was left has been run off by the vicious rumors he's spread about her, as well as me.
I've been trying to encourage her to find activities that she enjoys, but she's been so resistant. I'm barely holding my head up most days. I have 3 jobs (full time caring for my sister, a nanny job my sister comes to, and I teach at a preschool 2 days a week) that all require some attention. I'm also taking the last 3 classes for my B.S. She feels guilty leaving me with my sister more than I'm already with her.
Most of my friends have taken off as well instead of dealing with my former step-dad, so it's not like I'm going out and she can't. I go to work. She goes to work. I do take Pilates twice a week, but that's my only thing other than preschool where I'm not with my sister and her.
I'm sorry this is so long. I'm trying to find ways to deal with the random things going on.
Thanks.

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