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JACKTIN Posts: 11
8/7/13 2:12 P

Thanks to all the replies :) I appreciate all the input. This is an older post and we have decided to stay local, but move as far as we can away to another city within the metroplex (but over an hour away from family). However, if the extreme situations and drama continue, we will be moving 4-5 hours away to a town still within TX and is closer to the ocean. We will have to start over again if that happens, but we will be more mentally prepared for it if it proves to be the best option for us (if things do not work out moving further in the metroplex). We will not be moving back to CA- even as much as we want to- because we simply cannot afford it. We do not want to put ourselves in the debt situation we had to dig out of again and TX for us is the best place to raise a future family. We have also started to make more of an effort to create a friends support system in the town we are moving to in January and it has really helped.

07SOJO Posts: 1,648
8/7/13 2:02 P

I think family is very important but if they are the source of your unhappiness, life is too short to be in that type of negative situation. I advise getting out. I will leave to you where it is you go.

DAMIANSMOM2 SparkPoints: (445)
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7/28/13 2:59 A

I've lived all over including both texas and california. i loved california but when i had my daughter we decided it was best to raise our kids in a small town surrounded by family. we have alot of drama and plan to move in the future. look for the unexpected thats what we did and made it a goal to eventually move there. our goal home? roswell new mexico. i mean how cool would it be for the kids to grow up going to a ufo mcdonalds and seeing people daily dressed up as aliens! :)

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (33,581)
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7/28/13 2:20 A

Good for you. You have a plan and it sounds practical and well thought out. Good luck to you and yours.

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (235,064)
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7/28/13 12:01 A

I would pick option C.

ONLINEASLLOU SparkPoints: (49,613)
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7/27/13 10:59 P

I also vote for Option C. I have moved to new places where I didn't know anyone a couple of my times in my life because of my career -- and that was a single woman. I learned to make a home for myself and to make friends. As an earlier poster said, perhaps your family stress has interferred with your ability to do that. Get away from your family and start fresh. Build a life for yourself and use your healthy financial situation to help out your inlaws, visit, etc. as you can.

Good luck to you.

FAITHP44 SparkPoints: (51,572)
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7/27/13 5:16 P

Looks like your decision is made. Well done for taking such positive moves to get out of debt. I'm sure you're making the right decision.

TRYINGHARD54 Posts: 3,527
7/27/13 8:24 A

I think you should move . family can cause stress. who needs that ? good luck. :-)

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (101,558)
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7/27/13 8:12 A

Grab the brass ring and take a chance while you are able to do so! I vote for Option C -- a fresh new start never hurt anyone.

JACKTIN Posts: 11
7/27/13 1:25 A

Thank you to all that replied!! I really appreciate all of your responses, especially the details you all provided.

After reading all of your reviews, I spoke with my husband and he agrees that we should ultimately stay in TX because we will be possibly putting ourselves in the same financial situation we were in before with no way out. His parents are aging, but his brother is there in CA and his parents have alluded to probably moving to TX in their own home or with us because they cannot afford to retire in CA well either. Also, if his parents do stay, we are able to send them money if we live in TX to help and fly back/forth for more quality visits than if we were to live in CA and had to take on more than one job. Also, TX is overall better for us as a family.

Out of simplicity and chance for immediate change, in January when our lease is up,we are going to give living in the furthest town away from them (but still in the metroplex) a shot.If that does not work, we will start again and then be moving to a large city 4-5 hours away near the ocean (Gulf Coast) within TX. However, we will be visiting the TX ocean town more to make sure it is a good fit. Eventually we will be moving to the TX ocean town because that is where we want to be, but it is just a matter of how quick now. So eventually, we agree option C is our best option and putting space between us is the best option away from such a stressful family. We also agree we need to make a stronger effort with different approaches to making friends wherever we go and try not to let the stressors effect our efforts.

Again, thank you to everyone :) Yall really helped me out!



DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (57,096)
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7/27/13 12:48 A

I love California. I work for a company in California, and have traveled there on business.

However, I can't afford it.

Placing yourself in a more unstable financial situation with the intention of raising a family isn't a wise choice. You're going to end up in debt, even if you don't mean to.

I would go to option C! Life is too short for toxic people, and you don't want to sabotage your progress by moving back to the place that got you where you are now.

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (33,581)
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7/27/13 12:08 A

From the options I would go with C. But make C near the coast of TX.

My choice would be to talk with hubby's parents about what they are planning for when they are unable to live alone. Do they have power of attorneys arranged? Long term health care insurance? Living Wills? Is living with them an option? Not living off them but a joint arrangement where you can help them and they can be around to help you with babies...

Who knows, it might work out well for both families.

LAURIEANDBLUE2K SparkPoints: (18,598)
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7/26/13 5:37 P

I would also choose choice C. I live in Texas and it is a big place. Move within driving distance and enjoy life away from the family drama!

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,297
7/26/13 5:26 P

"C) Move 4-5 hours away in the state of TX to a town we know no one and have no family, but can still enjoy better finances, a decent selection of jobs, good place to raise a family and close to the ocean. I LOVE the ocean! But, we would have to start all over again. "

Of the choices, I would choose option C. I think it has the most positives of all the choices. I think you can potentially make friends anywhere and can go visit family but if you are stressed about family drama, poor environment or lack of jobs then it can make you much more miserable on a daily basis even if you have friends and family nearby.


AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (63,205)
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7/26/13 3:51 P

Life is short--I think that you have to go where you will be happiest. Can you or your husband do something to enhance your education or careers back in California so that you can earn more money?

CANDIK48 SparkPoints: (17,721)
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7/26/13 3:37 P

The Beloved and I live far from family and that is a good thing. It's not so far that we can't get there if we were needed, but far enough that we don't get involved in the day to day drama if there is any. We like the breathing room.

My Beloved's parents are getting up there in age. Not to where they can't reside in their own home yet, but I can see some need for assisted living or at least supervision within the next few years. It's a concern for us. We are also contemplating moving as well from a higher cost of living area to one with more opportunity, closer to the ocean but further away from family. One of our home need criteria would be to have the space to accommodate his parents should the need arise. Having that extra space alleviates what guilt we would feel by not moving "back home".

I've moved around quite a bit, most times to places where I have no friends, family or any support system at all and never had any problems finding friends. The trick has been to find friends worth having but I think everyone has that issue. Networking for social contacts through work, church, clubs or whatever is a great way to bridge the gap. Heck, we've met people and become friends while on short vacations! I think where there's a will, there's a way. You just have to find a way to make it work. If you have to give off the impression of happy (put on a smiley face, don a positive attitude) to do it, eventually you'll find you can be happy without that extra effort regardless of where you are.

But if living near the ocean is necessary, (and I totally understand that!), consider the options. There is the Atlantic and the Gulf in addition to the Pacific. (Not advocating for Florida, but it's true, the cost of living is less than half of California and there are more job opportunities there. You can buy a good sized home close to the Gulf for less than the cost of a condo an hour from the Pacific.) Maybe just having an extra room in your home for family members or guests would resolve your sense of responsibility of living near aging parents? Either way, I hope you find a solution that can give you the best of both worlds.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (61,851)
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7/26/13 3:03 P

I'd move to the ocean, but that's just me.

As Sheryl said, you can make great friends wherever you go. It's possible the stress of your current situation is why you are having a tough time connecting with anyone in your present location.

also, as much as I love my family & friends, I'd also be perfectly happy just living with my dogs - so my outlook may be completely different than yours!

CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (79,378)
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7/26/13 3:00 P

Can only tell you what we did. We have never lived near family. Moved approx. 8+ times in our 30 yrs. marriage [because of job promotions]. Currently, 3000+ miles away from family [Alaska]. emoticon We have made friends in each place [mainly from church connections & good neighborhoods]. Our friends are like family to us. Congrats on getting out of debt.

SHERYLDS Posts: 12,129
7/26/13 2:49 P

wherever you go, joining churches, volunteering, being friendly... all help you establish a new circle of friends, if you can't afford CA ...and the family is TX is a toxic environment
Then those are not good solutions.

Best wishes for a good decision

JACKTIN Posts: 11
7/26/13 2:33 P

Hi,

5 years ago, my husband and I moved back to my home state (TX) from CA to get out of debt caused by living in CA. We are now out of debt and looking to start a family soon.

Though our financial situation is much better in TX, we are not happier living here. This is because we have almost no friends (and we have been trying for years to make friends) and my family's drama is a major stressor in our lives. (Family drama includes: family member addicted to drugs/alcohol and their antics, general lying/backstabbing/mind games of most family members and a constant stream of ridiculous situations we keep getting dragged into, Also, the general lack of concern they have for anyone but themselves and manipulation. I do not trust them at all due to their constant mistreatment.).

We are at a crossroads and have a few options.
A) Move back to CA and enjoy a better social support system. The cost of living and job situation is more difficult and the area we can afford to live would not be the best to raise a family in. But, my husband's parents are aging faster than my parents because they are older and it would be nice to be nearer to them. Also it is near the ocean. I LOVE the ocean.
B) Stay where we are and enjoy better finances, better selection of jobs and a good place to raise a family. But have to deal with family drama BS and stress and continue having a hard time making friends. The furthest town we can move to is not far away enough from the drama, but we would not have to start over again.
C) Move 4-5 hours away in the state of TX to a town we know no one and have no family, but can still enjoy better finances, a decent selection of jobs, good place to raise a family and close to the ocean. I LOVE the ocean! But, we would have to start all over again.

What would you do? And why? Please??! Thanks for your input!

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