Thank you. I appreciate your letting me know I was not using the correct wording. I usually pick up on those things myself, but that one I think I've been using incorrectly and now I won't. Thanks.
You are right about perfectionism and procrastination being tied together. I know once I get started on something I am going to expend all my energy to getting it "perfect". Therefore, I put it off many times because I don't have the time to make it "perfect". I am aware of this personality trait and working on it and allowing things to not be perfect, just good. I don't know about the fear part though, I don't have any fears that stop me from doing what I want. I simply put too high an expectation on what I am doing.
I don't know about needing more support. I try to analyze everything and work it out in mind. I feel I am actually a very strong person emotionally, as many people have told me.
I guess we all look at things in a different way. For me, getting healthy is something I want to do more than I could possibly say. It certainly is, to quote myself, "truly a test of my strength and will". It causes me to feel such a sense of failure when I don't succeed and to tell me I don't want this enough is not true. It is a struggle. I personally feel, for me at least, it is no different than being an alcoholic. I have close members of my family who have struggled with alcoholism and feel my struggle with food is not any different. It is an addiction. It had nothing to do with my not making it a priority and putting it on the back burner as you said; it had everything to do with sadness and getting through the holidays and being overwhelmed, and using food as a source of comfort to get me past this time of year.
I am on Sparkpeople to share my struggles and to encourage others. I don't know how the post was supposed to offer encouragement, as it does not give me any positive input and/or perhaps a way someone might have handled a similar situation should they have experienced the same thing. It was rather harsh as you said.
Thanks to everyone for your comments and encouragement. I have not been on since I posted that weeks ago. Today, I am back. My Spark Partner Judsterf has been a great support for me and did not give up on me. Thank you Judy. Has taken me a bit to come back, but I am back and on track starting today and I know I am okay again. Fell off the wagon since Thanksgiving, but I've picked myself up and brushed myself off. Not looking back, just moving forward. It finally clicked in. Looking at it in a positive way. I recognize I am a perfectionist, not perfect in any way, and am working on being more flexible with myself (odd, I am very flexible with others, just not with myself). I lost 90, gained 10 and so I've still lost 80 lbs. Still able to wear a size 10, so didn't do that much damage. I went a whole year without wavering, so I guess I finally had a hiccup and that's the way I'm going to look at it.
You've already done a tremendous lot by losing 90 pounds so I think you don't give yourself enough credit. Maybe you need to work on moderation? Sometimes an "all or nothing" outlook leads to burning out or binging. Just my two cents :)
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130 12/6/13 2:13 P
No, It is not "truly a test of my strength and will."
Weight loss journey/following a healthy lifestyle is a test of Whether you really want to do this If yes, you will do what it takes, if not important, you will put it on the back burner with everything else taking a priority, whether you are a perfectionist or not... This is just my opinion, I don't mean to be harsh.
You have a great responsibility of taking care of granddaughter and that must take a toll. But surely is also an important reason to stick to a healthy plan and keep yourself healthy so you can actively take care of her. Good Luck!
Edited by: ACHIEVE2012 at: 12/6/2013 (14:15)
Fitness Minutes: (74,443)
3,293 12/6/13 1:17 A
The title of this thread should be WORST Fear. See, you are not perfect. :)
So forget about perfect. Make a plan and do the best that you can every single day. Each day is a fresh start, so don't wait until circumstances are ideal to start doing what you need to do. I like to print out my weekly calendar and plan my exercise strategy ahead of time on that. I don't plan my food until the morning of, or perhaps the day before. There is no one correct strategy though--just make some kind of plan and do your best.
Perfectionism seems to be all tied up with procrastination and fear. I have noticed that people with anxiety and those who are in extremely stressful life situations struggle with this the most.
Do you have enough support for all of the challenges that you are facing? Are there additional resources that you can tap into for emotional support until things normalize?
Trees that bend in storms survive better than the really stiff ones.
Learning to be flexible, learning that 'perfect' is not a useful goal is SO hard.
You know what you need--and that is a tremendous start. I find that making my goals smaller, keeping my records on a chalk board instead of something permanent, and not looking back are the best ways to keep rampant perfectionism under some check.
I don't know if any of you have the same problem. I am a perfectionist. When I diet, I do extremely well, I do not cheat at all. I have not cheated for an entire year. The problem is, once I do cheat, I am always lost. In the past, that has been the end. Well, I ate more than I should on Thanksgiving. Not a lot, I didn't stuff myself; and the next day, I ate leftovers. Again, not a lot, but more than I usually eat. After the third day, I weighed myself and I went up two pounds. Now, it is exactly a week since Thanksgiving. I have not returned to my dieting. I have not exercised, and I have gained five pounds. I had lost 90 lbs in the last year. This is my worse fear. It is what I have always done in the past. I am all or nothing. I am so disgusted with myself and all my positive energy has gone out the window. I haven't even straightened out my house today. I HAVE TO BREAK THIS PATTERN and not do what I have always done. That is why I am back on Sparkpeople. I haven't posted anything in weeks, since my mom came to visit me. That is also a part of the problem. Both my mom and my son have left. She to go 1300 miles north to Rhode Island; and my son back to Ft. Rucker Alabama where he is in the military and going to flight school to be a Black Hawk pilot. I miss my family and have let it get me down. Tomorrow, I will make sure I get enough sleep. I work nights and am raising my granddaughter who is mentally handicapped and I need to sleep before she returns home from school. I will get back to exercising, return to posting everything I eat! I will not return to my old patterns and I will not gain this weight back! My granddaughter depends on me and I need to be there for her for a very long time. It is time I break this cycle once and for all. This is truly a test of my strength and will.
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