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JODROX Posts: 1,785
8/1/12 5:39 P

It's hard when you want to be active as a family and not everyone likes moving!

JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
Fitness Minutes: (68,349)
Posts: 1,708
8/1/12 12:55 P

It is true that sometimes a person can be too overly zealous about something and turn others off about it. Humans are funny that way. I am excited about my accomplishments so far and it's hard not to shout it out to the world. And at first, I think I did. Now, I just allow my appearance to tell the story and I make others want to find out first and then I just give them a thumbnail view of what I did. If they continue wanting to know more, I tell them. I actually ask them if they really want to know, because what I will tell them will take a bit of time.

When it is a family member, it can be even easier to burn them out. Because my focus is like a laser beam on my eating and my workouts. Even though my wife goes to the gym regularly, she's a bit hard headed and I think she was having a hard time accepting that "I" know what I'm doing and "I" can help her do better. It's odd too since when I first met her I was into body building and have been in great shape most of my life. I don't know if it's a woman thing or what, but it's like the apprentice thinks they know more than the master now. LOL

My daughter joined here after seeing how well I've done and how I am still the father that knows best. I guess my wife has now joined through my daughter and I've seen her logging in her food now. ;-) The world is funny, people are funny and families are hilarious. So just do your thing, show your commitment and results and keep the faith. Eventually, more folks will want to follow suit.

JODROX Posts: 1,785
8/1/12 10:51 A

I can relate. As much as we want it for them, we can't make them want it.

MASHAMOO Posts: 1,667
7/30/12 9:12 A

It sounds as if another possibility is that he would and could eat a bit healthier but is just tired of hearing about it. If you and your daughter are talking about food and choices all the time, he may be taking it as a criticism; that can't be pleasant for him.
So a solution to that would be to try to compromise in that area, after you've discussed it. Good luck to everyone involved.

FIT4LIFE11111 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (7,194)
Posts: 50
7/29/12 4:23 A

I understand how you feel. I am a very healthy woman, eating organic and exercising daily. My fiance (also in law enforcement) is fairly overweight and absolutely loves his southern comfort food.

It took my fiance a year before he was open to the idea of losing weight himself and he is still far from fully 'sparked'. He can hardly survive without 6 portions of meat a day (lol) and he gives me the stink eye when I hand him a meatless meal.

Just be patient. More than likely he will come around but you need to take things in baby steps. Don't push anything on him if it will just push him further away.

JADOMB SparkPoints: (134,622)
Fitness Minutes: (68,349)
Posts: 1,708
7/26/12 8:30 P

Sorry, one can only lead a horse to water, they can't make them drink. The thing to do it continue on with your successful goal and hopefully he will come around. It really does start to get to one spouse when the other one gets all the attention and positive comments. The thing is that something drove you to get healthy and fit, now he needs to find something to drive him too. We all are driven by different things.

In the meantime, you should just continue to make great healthy meals and maybe put them in measure portion containers so that he can slowly start to see what 2000 calories of a balanced meal looks like. Keep the faith.

JTSTRIPLING SparkPoints: (3,225)
Fitness Minutes: (3,883)
Posts: 12
7/26/12 8:19 A

Thanks everyone. I think were going to sit down this weekend and talk everything over. I'll admit, I tend to be an overachiever and that may be a lot of the problem. I'm currently on my 9th day with SparkPeople and I've worked out an average of 50 minutes every single day. A lot of the time, I don't feel like doing it so I'll motivate myself by begging someone to do it with me. It used to be me asking him to walk with me. I realize 7 days a week is going overboard, but I get so afraid that if I take a day off, I won't do it the following day either and then it just all goes out the window.

EXNOLA Posts: 287
7/25/12 7:11 P

Have you talked to him about why this bothers him? Is it that he just doesn't like the food? If that is the case, I would have mine just make his own and I would cook for the rest of the family- I don't cook extra meAls for the kids, I won't do it for him. However, I am somewhat accommodating. I do not make casseroles or anything that undesirable food cannot be eliminated or removed.
It sounds to me like there is something else going on. Maybe he could handle your changes, but once it rubbed off on the rest of the family, he is feeling like an outsider and insecure. Maybe it makes him feel guilty that he doesn't want to change. I don't know, but if you can both have an honest discussion about this it can be solved.

DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (60,604)
Fitness Minutes: (15,196)
Posts: 9,707
7/24/12 11:48 A

Unfortunately, there's not a thing you can do with him in this. I know, it sucks; I too have an overweight husband, who always moans about his weight, but won't do anything about it.

But there is no force in heaven or earth that will make him accept the changes he needs to be healthy, until HE makes the decision, himself.

One thing you do need to do is sit him down privately, and tell him that the negative comments aren't going to fly. It's one thing to not want to do it himself, but it's not okay for him to attempt to sabotage you guys, even passive-aggressively. It may take some loving positivity, but don't accept that kind of behavior.

You're doing all you can. That's all you CAN do. There will be no fire without the spark, and the spark has to come from inside you. Just like it has for you, and your daughter, and your other family members. You provide the fuel for the fire... it's up to him to light the match and start it burning.

Just don't give up. Understand, though, that it is impossible to force it on him. All you can do is what you have been doing, and hope eventually, the spark ignites.

JTSTRIPLING SparkPoints: (3,225)
Fitness Minutes: (3,883)
Posts: 12
7/24/12 10:38 A

I've been losing weight steadily for the last year. I did it on my own and just joined SparkPeople last week. I went from 198 to 155, the last two lbs. this week thanks to the challenges!

Until the last couple of weeks, it was pretty much a non-issue for my husband. He'd tell me he loved me know matter how much I weighed, that I was getting too skinny, he missed my thick thighs, etc. but that was it.

A couple of weeks ago, my also overweight daughter decided she was joining me. I kept getting compliments and attention from friends and extended family and it "sparked" her. She had been trying to do it on her own like I was, just making healthier choices and being more active but it wasn't working. So I found the website to help give her the tools she needed. It was a hit and she's lost 3 lbs in the last week. She's been very excited and talking nonstop about the program.

Which brings us to my husband. He's a 6'0" police officer, weighing in at 268 lbs. We live in a small rural town so his job is not very physically demanding. He's been an officer for 11 years, and it was the job that actually lead to the majority of his weight gain. He was an officer in a big city at first, but too many emergency calls interrupting his dinner lead to a fast food diet. He has lost some weight since we moved out of the city.

With my daughter being so excited and VERBAL about tracking her nutrition and fitness, he's gotten tired of hearing it. Especially since the two of us tend to have conversations about healthy meals, etc. He's a good ole southern boy, deep fried and smothered in gravy. He rolls his eyes, makes nasty comments, throws a fit about what we're eating, etc. I had been nonchalantly encouraging him to lose weight, substituting ingredients in meals, etc. and now I can't. He fights me at every turn. He'd see me using whole wheat pasta and would even go so far as to say he didn't really notice a difference so he didn't mind. Now I bring out a substitution and he's up in arms! I'm having to make separate meals in order to keep myself on track.

I understand that he has to be willing to do this himself, but his weight is a serious, serious issue. Not withstanding the fact that it's a safety issue at work, he's the only male in his family without diabetes. His dad and siblings are all seriously overweight as well. His father is over 400 lbs. The family has been encouraged by my weight loss and Dad is now watching portion sizes :D, I caught sister-in-law exercising yesterday! I didn't preach to them at all!! We do a lot of family dinners and I just made it known that I only wanted a bite of the cake or I needed more veggies on my plate. So I'm motivating a lot of people, just not the one I really want to.

I need help!! I talked him into getting a physical last year (his administration only requires them upon hiring) and all his bloodwork came back normal. That should be good news, but now it's a leg for him to stand on. His cholesterol is great so he doesn't see the need to eat lean meat. I do the meal planning, but we split the cooking 50/50 due to us both working over 40 hours a week. So substitutions are getting harder and harder. He had an issue with diverticulitis last year that put him in the hospital for two weeks and sick leave for six so he didn't give me too much trouble when I switched to a high-fiber diet. He loves the Fiber One bars. So there is hope, I just need ideas to get past this stage.

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