You just need to learn to translate... That is what my friends and I refer to the way the men in our lives say stupid things and get confused as to why we are then upset.
Men speech men, and women speech women; once you can figure out they are having trouble with the "translation", you just feel kinda bad for them when they say stupid things like that...
:P Keep working hard, and you can do it!
Fitness Minutes: (4,545)
925 10/20/12 8:02 P
WELCOME!!! Please don't let that one comment hurt you. You are here now and there is SO MUCH here you can use, the boards, the blog, the groups. I actually LOVE logging in each day to take the trivia and do a quiz. I was on the cusp of finishing training to be a PT and I lost focus, gained the weight I had kept off and well...just skipped trying to take my test because I lost faith in myself! First and foremost do it, if YOU want it. Not for anyone else. We are all here to cheer you on!
My first husband said I was too fat. My second husband said I was too skinny. An old boyfriend said I had to "bulk up." Every time I was the same weight and my doctor and charts said that I was right on target for my sex, bone frame, and height.
For 40 years I have weighed within 5 pounds of 115 pounds.
What did I learn? That I will decide what weight I want to be, especially since I can't do anything about my petite frame of standing only 5'2"! Those guys were ignorant and did not know what they were talking about!
After 30 years of marriage to my second husband, he has finally accepted me as a small, petite woman and he no longer makes comments about my size, weight, or even what I eat! And I like it that way!
So, when I am insulted by the insensitive thing a man says, I remind myself that my opinion matters more than his. Also, I am reminded that often men do not know that something they said as a matter of fact (to them) can hurt the feelings of the woman they love.
Brush it off, and eventually, over time gently teach him to be gentle with you. There are ways that can be done, but that is for a book on "how to have a happy marriage." There are lots of those out there already.
Best to you and hang in there. Take care of you!
Fitness Minutes: (2,636)
71 10/15/12 1:52 A
I think it's mostly that guys are not sure how to approach the topic of women and their weight. For instance, I am currently 121 lbs over my ideal weight, but my bf is always telling me that Im "NOT fat." I'm sure he is trying to support me in his own way and to help me feel good about myself, but I am also sure that no one that is 121 lbs overweight can be considered not fat either.
My dad used to visit right around the times I'd had a baby or surgery. He'd comment about me being fat. I finally realized, he was there when I needed him. Therefore he loves me. I am not even close to my friend's thigh circumferance when she was in sixth grade. I am what I am and that's a good person!
I agree with some of the other people. If your hubby doesn't usually say things like this to you he probably just said it without thinking. My husband is not the most motivation person in the world but he also wouldn't say anything like this to me, mainly because he knows I'd smack him!
But you have found the right place for help and motivation! Welcome and good luck on your journey!
As you said that he thought it would "jolt" you into activity, it's sort of what guys would do to each other, I'm sure.
It did, actually do that, though - you came here for support. So, while it may have seemed hurtful, and I obviously am not in your household to find out if that's his standard way of treating you - it may have been the oomph you needed to come here and vent and get support.
You also said you asked him to say something, so it may have been the first thing that he could think of that he thought might be helpful. You put him in a spot, perhaps?
Sometimes people make the DUMBEST comments - Unless he is generally a jerk, he probably thought he was being helpful. If that is the case - re-frame what he said and maybe even TELL him how he can provide the support you are looking for. I have found that telling some people exactly what you want (especially if they are loving family members who just happen to be males) really makes everyone's life easier and happier. I will say something to the effect of, "I really feel loved and supported when you watch the kids so I can exercise" or "I really feel supported by you when you go for a bike ride with me" or whatever it is that YOU think he can do to help you on your journey. If you leave it open-ended, you are likely to get almost anything from jokes to insults - that is what THEY often think is HELPFUL.
Fitness Minutes: (7,211)
207 10/12/12 11:58 P
I'm glad you found sparkpeople! People who are not struggling with weight and who don't understand what we are going through sometimes do not have the right responses as those of us who are going through the same things! I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings! I hope you find all the motivation you need on this website and reach your goals because you are worth it! Have a great weekend!!!
Fitness Minutes: (0)
2 10/12/12 11:41 P
Thank you to everyone for your support. I used to think that spark people was just recipes, but now I see it's so much more. I am looking forward to utilizing this site and achieving my fitness goals! I'm very excited! Thanks again!
Fitness Minutes: (13,739)
1,374 10/12/12 10:00 P
He doesn't sound very sensitive. Ignore his comments. Ask someone else next time and don't let it get you down. Good for your for making good life choices. You are doing this for YOU not him. :)
Big hugs! We will all be here for you! Believe in yourself and do this for yourself so you will be healthy for your family
Edited by: KELLIEBEAN at: 10/12/2012 (21:54)
Fitness Minutes: (3,581)
182 10/12/12 8:48 P
Men do say stupid things. A few weeks ago, my husband said he's not going to buckle the shoe of "someone's who's fat." I think he meant it as not enabling me, but buckling my shoe would not be enabling me, as I was already on the path to fitness and weight loss for two months. Oh well...sometimes I think they have other stressors that tie into their comments.
You sure do have a lot on your plate! I too have had a baby with teenagers. It's a challenge at times! Our youngest is now 16 and our older ones about 30.
Edited by: MIZINA730 at: 10/12/2012 (20:50)
Fitness Minutes: (3,704)
385 10/12/12 8:02 P
i wouldnt let it effect you. to the hell with his comment you can do it !! let that be your motivator and when you need the umpf remember his comment.
Big, huge hug to you!!! Sorry men....but.....many of you are very....manly? I pretty much have to tell mine of 35 wonderful years, what to say. He has made some major blunders in his attempts to help me. Many of them just don't know because that is how men evidently (I've been told) talk to each other. I'd make him a list of specific things that would be helpful. Good luck!
Fitness Minutes: (1,778)
80 10/12/12 6:08 P
Good Grief---very helpful.
Please ask some one else, me for instance.... .
Definitely use this site for friendship and motivation, I am two months in and overwhelmed by the good feelings and thoughts sent to me daily for support. Add as many friends as you can, read blogs, read the success stories, try the recipies, the motivation is contageous.
Love yourself, love your kids---even love your hubby---the poor confused soul who knows nothing about motivation!!!
Sending you a big hug!!!
Edited by: HAPPYNHEALTHY12 at: 10/12/2012 (18:09)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
2 10/12/12 5:45 P
I asked my husband for motivation to lose weight today and he said, "We'll, you're huge and you need to be healthy!"
Not sure that that's what I was asking. He says he said it to jolt me into doing something about my weight. Just had to vent. Mixed emotions :-/ This is my first post.
I am 37, 5'6, 215 lbs, mother of 4, ages 17, 15, 2, and 1.
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