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My daughter sabotages my weight loss



 
 
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FAITHP44
SparkPoints: (47,469)
Fitness Minutes: (30,072)
Posts: 3,297
8/8/13 5:08 P

Hi Sarah

I was going to try and answer your post and then I read Ann's reply and thought what a brilliant reply that is. I totally agree with everything she said.

The thing is, you've made an incredibly important decision for you, for your health now and in the future and, however much you love her, your daughter has no right to try to sabotage that. I'm not sure if you believe that though - a part of you might be feeling guilty for changing, for not doing the things you used to do with her.

But if you allow her to make you feel guilty or to stop you changing your life, nothing will change for you and in 25 years time you won't be here and she'll be where you are now with the same health issues that you're facing.

Your decision to eat healthily and to exercise and lose weight is crucial for your well-being (and the first 9lb lost is brilliant - well done.) You can't make your daughter want to lose weight as well, but you can show her the health benefits that you experience as your weight comes off.

And the business with the clothes! Honestly that made me feel angry. Your daughter shows you love in some ways, but in other ways she seems to be manipulating you and showing a complete lack of respect for you in public and in private. If a parent treated their child like this, alarm bells would ring. Why should she be allowed to speak to you and speak about you in such a way.

You are a wonderful person. God still loves you and has a wonderful plan for you. Now it's time for you to gain back your self respect and not allow your daughter or anyone else to manipulate you into going back to the old ways.



ANNROW0354
Posts: 603
8/8/13 9:09 A

First of all, I want to congratulate you for knowing that you need to lose weight and taking the action you need to do it. A 9 pound weight loss is a 9 pound weight loss and that is great. As the mother of 3 daughters who are also my best friends, I know how much you value your daughter being in your life. It is a blessing to have a daughter who wants to spend time with you.
HOWEVER, you are still the mom and she cannot disrespect you, in private or in public. I would venture to say that she feels threatened by your desire to get healthy and if, as you say, she is overweight as well, she probably feels a little pressure to do something about her own weight issues. That said, she has no right to sabotage your efforts or to put pressure on you to overeat when you are with her.
I suggest you sit her down and tell her that if you do not do something about your health right now you aren't going to be around in 10 years. Plain and simple! Tell her this is a matter of life and death for you. Maybe even take her to the doctor with you so she understands the gravity of the situation. Ask her to join you on this journey. Get her a bike and have her go riding with you. Take walks with each other....they are a great opportunity to talk! Take a healthy cooking class together so she can learn that "healthy" food can also taste great! Find new, healthy activities to do together.
She doesn't want to lose you and even if she doesn't realize it now, she will thank you for losing weight and getting healthy so that you can be around for a long, long time. Be an example to your daughter that it is NEVER TOO LATE to make a new start.
In the end, you may have to limit the time you spend with her if she can't support you right now. Don't go out to eat with her but rather focus on doing other things. Once she sees that you are serious and aren't going to be bullied into quitting, she will hopefully come around.

Good luck and emoticon

Ann



JULIA1154
Posts: 1,782
8/7/13 9:46 P

I will just remind you that it's YOUR life, not your daughter's. If she can't be happy that you wish to live a full, happy, healthy and engaged life I wouldn't call her much of a best friend.

Can you see yourself getting out more, or visiting with others more, and relying less on your daughter's company? You might be happier if you can see and achieve that. Find people who will be supportive of your well-being, if possible. If you can't, then DO try to value yourself as much as you do others, please?



MEMKEEPR
SparkPoints: (26,642)
Fitness Minutes: (11,149)
Posts: 889
8/7/13 5:34 P

I don't have your situation so my advice is just my 2 cents worth. You need to make your own decisions and follow your heart and if you feel losing weight is important then don't let anyone stop you. Easier said than done, I know. However, when your daughter criticizes your efforts, maybe you need to politely tell her that it is important to you and you wish she would support you in your goals. Remind her that you aren't hurting anyone and may be around longer for her to enjoy. Ask her to just "humor" you and you will not judge her decisions. Try to be non-confrontational but imploring of her help because it means so much to you. And the hardest part will be ignoring her negativity. I hope it gets better for you because changing habits is hard on it own without sabotaging from others.

My mom is super critical of me because we have very different personalities. I'm a planner and she's more impulsive. All of our lives we have gotten on each others nerves until I just quietly started telling her that it was important to me to live my way and I recognized she needed to live her way. (Funny most parents wanted their kids to be more logical and thinking long term but not my mom) I try to accommodate her and she makes fewer snide remarks. But when things get to be a bit much then I just spend less time around her until I feel more confident I can take our differences in stride.

I wish you much success emoticon



KATIZUMI2013
Posts: 90
7/20/13 10:52 P

Hi, I am new and so glad to find this group and discover that weight loss over 60 can be done! I was scared! The last time I lost weight, i was 49, now I am 61. I live in a quiet apt. complex full of disabled and retired people, many overweight but not all. But when I was 49, a woman who was 64 with a heart problem told me that at her age, it was impossible to lose weight with her heart. She could not exercise. She said, if you don't lose it now while you are younger, you will never lose it. I did lose it but gained it back. Now it is 12 years later and she is fatter than ever. I can't believe she is still alive. She is a really nice woman. I was terrified when I turned 60, because I thought, oh no, now it will be impossible, like she said! But all you people are a testimony to the opposite, thank goodness! But anyway, I do not have her heart condition...but i will if I don't lose the weight! My heart does a merry dance sometimes, and my doctor told me I have had one heart attack, but have no risidual damage. I have been in SP since July 7 and lost 9 lbs quickly, but now it is slowing down. I think it was mostly water. I was swollen. I have a bicycle and am still able to ride it, altho it is difficult, and I have been doing that. NO gears, the old fashioned kind! I hate hand brakes. They make me fall over. Anyway, I have been looking for someone to talk to about this: my daughter sabotages my weight loss. She is over weight also and gets irritated because I want to lose weight. She says I am obsessed with it. She discourages me and when I am with her, i often end up overeating or eating badly, like she does. One diet book i read said to get rid of people who interfere in your weight loss, but I am not about to get rid of her! She is my daughter and we are best friends. Really, she needs my good example. She also sabotages my other efforts and desires to improve my life. She does not want me to go back to school. She wants me to wear gaudy, fat clothes. She does things to embarrass me in front of other people, or make me look bad. In spite of all this, she is wonderful to me in other ways and loves me very much. She just wants me to stay home never get out again. Anyone else have this in their family? sarah



 
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