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My Father



 
 
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JODROX
Posts: 1,329
8/4/12 9:23 A

Lo, I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my dad last summer. The first few weeks were a fog. Complete shock, devastation, and overwhelming sadness. You think your life will never get back on track. You think you'll never feel happy again. It seems like you're in a deep, dark hole.

Grieving takes time, as much time as it takes, whatever is right for you.

I couldn't even do normal things that first week. Falling asleep at night was so hard, despite being completely exhausted physically and emotionally drained. Initially we all just forgot to eat. Luckily extended family was around to prepare food and set it in front of us. Neighbors were great too. We had to coax Mom to eat. Just a few bites. Eventually, I did get concerned that I could turn to comfort eating (that would be like me), so I had to watch it.

Lots and lots and lots of tears. Dredged up regrets. A whole big, crazy range of emotions. It's normal. It's okay.

I think a person can't handle being so sad for so long. The day comes when something makes you smile. Something makes you laugh. Your brain will take a break from all that sadness and think about something else for a little while. He's never far from your thoughts, but eventually you feel ready to function in the world again.

Try to find healthy ways of coping. Make sure you're getting enough sleep. That first week my sister clued me into Tylenol PM. I hate to even recommend that, but it did help us in the beginning. Make sure you're eating enough -- healthy foods! Your body needs good nutrition to sustain you. Rely on good friends or family members or clergy or a counselor. It's so helpful to be able to talk it out.

Get out for a good walk if you can. For me, after about a week, I felt like I just needed to get up and move a bit. But my body was still in shock. I went for a walk with a friend, and it was the slowest walk ever. But still it felt good to just move a little bit. It gets easier every day. Taking that first step is key - when you're ready.

Journalling may be helpful for you. A friend gave me a wonderful book that was designed to capture all these thoughts about this person you loved and lost. It was definitely emotional to answer the questions asked in the book, but cathartic. It's nice to capture those memories.

It sounds like your family dynamics are quite a bit different from my own, so I'm sorry I can't say much about that. Death does seem to bring out some drama in some families, and that is unfortunate... but in a way understandable because emotions are running high.

Sorry I've kind of rambled on a bit here. I hope it's helpful. Losing my dad is still so recent for me - I feel like I know what you're going through and I've come out the other side. I hope that helps you to know that you will come out the other side eventually too. It doesn't feel like it when you're in the throes of that horrendous grief. Every day you grieve, you are healing.

God bless you.



COCOONGIRL
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8/3/12 6:54 P

Lo hang in there....my dad died 4 years ago and the pain was awful....his life was so hard...he had so little that was good in his life.....it was so hard when he left me....they say time heals and I do believe that is true but the pain is still surface for me....a song, a picture, a holiday, but honestly when I think of him now I smile...I know he is in a better place.....I hope that you take some comfort in the same....



JADOMB
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Posts: 1,626
7/27/12 2:02 P

It is sad that so many have lived though the many various dramas out there. It is even sadder when they allow it to control their lives. "It is what it is", you did very well and need to now put that behind you and live YOUR life the way you want to and know you should. (which is not by drowning themselves in chinese food)

If you are a Godly person, you will find the strength and guidance through him. If you are not, then find it from whereever you can, but find it. Don't let past hurts or pain control your present or future. Keep the faith.



DRAGONCHILDE
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7/25/12 8:20 P

I'm bleeding for you, hun. My dad was killed in a car crash when I was 15; he was my world. I understand what you're going through.

Know this. It will get better. It's not going to happen in days, or weeks, or even months. It's taken me years. Let yourself grieve. It's okay.

Nighttimes get better. You eventually don't cry so much.

My prayers are with you. It's hard, and I know how hard it is. Don't be afraid to get out and do things, though; he wouldn't want you to be a shut in, and it's not good for you. When it gets bad, go for a walk.





JNL265
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7/25/12 1:20 A

My Father was an amazing man. He was peaceful, caring, funny, easy going. He lived a long life. Maybe not perfect. But he did everything for me and then some. There are 6 of us. And only me an my father were close. Towards the end of his last night I was with him. I told him through tears it was ok to let go and if he was solely fighting for me it was ok to let go. There was no amount of medicine the doctors were giving him that was helping. I told him how amazing he was and I loved him. I told him that he will never dissapoint me for leaving me. I may be heartbroken but him suffering was breaking my heart. Watching him go through that. I wouldnt let him go. I wasnt ready. And on Friday July 20 I was ready, we had pur conversation. I havent heard him speak in 6 years. But he pulled closer to me I laid with him and held his hand. I told him I would see him in the morning but if he left before it was ok beause I would always take him with me. My heart has been broken for some time. He's been in the hospital for years. On Saturday July 21, 2012 I got the phome call that my wonderful father passed peacefully away at 5:30 am. My heart sunk and i stood out in the rain. He love the rain. I felt closer to him. 4 days later I am still heartbroken, I am grieving alone. He lived a full life as he passed away at 80 years old. Out of the 6 of us, I have prepared all services and paid for it out of my own pocket with no help from my other estranged brothers or sister. Nights are the worst for me. I'm in a trance. Days go by. No matter how old you are, I'm 27, but when a lil girls first hero dies, it hits you like a ton of bricks even if you did give him permission. I will never forget the amazing love you have given me daddy. And I am trying. Everyday. I am not turning to food. Thats another battle. This is an everyday process alone. The elephant on my chest will not leave.

I just need some support. My thoughts alone are killing me at night. Thank you to whomever read my story. I just needed to put it somewhere and not drown in Chinese food.

-
Lo



 
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