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My 4 - year old is defiant.... HELP!



 
 
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ICANTODAY
Posts: 975
1/21/11 1:50 P

I think for the most part it's a normal reaction to overstimulation, she is probably just trying to get her bearings in a new environment. If it doesn't ease up in a couple of months though, it might be worthwhile to look into sensory integration issues, sometimes that can be a factor. Good luck!



BNINGLE
SparkPoints: (2,744)
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Posts: 6
1/20/11 11:22 A

My daughter turned 4 in December and we are going through a similar situation as you. She is so smart and loving but sometimes its like she is just a different person altogether. We were worried at first, always researching what it could be or why she was acting differently. But we were worrying too much and reading too much. I think that one of the biggest issues that we face these days as parents is that there is a diagnosis for EVERY behavior you can think of. Instead of kids being kids, its ADD, ADHD, ODD, etc. At four, a child is making that progress from a toddler to a young child. They are becoming more aware of themselves and their surroundings. They will be defiant, shy, silly, sad, awkward.. and so on. It think this age is a little like what kids go through when they hit puberty and make the transition from a child to a teenager. Our four year olds are just coming out of their "baby years" and are learning to grow. Though it can be frustrating, this is one of those obstacles that we go through. But as always, it will get better. Best of luck to you.



KLPEFFERS
Posts: 984
1/20/11 8:57 A

I met with the school psychologist and one of the counselors here and we talked about it and they are pretty sure (after having met Sam) that I'm over-reacting and that its a normal thing kids go thru. I think it made me feel a little silly and much better to know that my kid isn't some sociopath anti social 4 year old with Opositional Defiance! LOL
She's just a shy little girl who takes some time to get used to a larger group of kids than she's used to.
Leave it to me to be the overprotective crazy momma!



KLPEFFERS
Posts: 984
1/18/11 7:48 A

Thanks SmileyPreK.
I work at the school and actually in the PPS dept. which is where our school psychologist works so I will probably question him too.
Thanks so much!
K



HEALTHYNEWPAIGE
Posts: 540
1/16/11 3:53 P

I teach preschoolers who are four and five years old. If I were you, I would discuss this issue with her doctor, teacher, school psychologist and/or counselor. These are the people who could give you professional advice. Good luck.



KLPEFFERS
Posts: 984
1/16/11 10:54 A

Thanks ECLECTIC, She will shut down like this from time to time without much of a reason. I call it defiance because, even speaking with her, on her level, eye to eye contact, will not get thru to her that she needs to use words to convey her feelings / fears or anything. It's so increadibly frustrating. I know that she does have some stimuli issues. She is an only child (and will be) and I see it when she gets around her cousins who tend to be a bit rowdy and very "hands on" with touching, hugging, etc. She will often remove herself. She also has a little friend who she enjoys spending time with and this girl has been diagnosed with ADHD so she can be a bit over-stimulating and again Sam will just remove herself for a few minutes (litterally get up and leave the room for a few minutes then return).

My concern is that when she does this shut down, she won't speak or acknowledge anyone, including me. I would like to think that if it were anxiety of some kind she would be more clingy.

She just straight up refuses to communicate in any way when she does this.




ECLECTIC_CELT
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Posts: 257
1/15/11 1:47 P

Is the issue of her shutting down like that new or has it happened before? Also you said in the title post she is defiant, in what way?
I am now raising my 4 year old granddaughter and have seen her shut down like that a few times. For her it seems like it is when she is overly stimulated or emotional. She was in daycare for quite some time when she lived with her mom but recently started at a different location. This change was enough to cause her some issues, even though she was used to being in a daycare setting.
Please feel free to message me. I know what it is like to feel desperate for answers or just an ear to listen to the troubles.



KLPEFFERS
Posts: 984
1/14/11 8:30 A

Ok, I'm going to try and keep this short. I have 1 child a 4yo girl. She is super. I love her to peices. She's smart and funny and energetic. But at times, she completely shuts down. 80% of the time, she is great, social, playful, age appropriate. THe other 20% she its like she is an island. She won't communicate, she won't answer you, she won't participate with other kids her age, she will not interact with anyone including me. I'm extremely worried as yesterday was the first stage in Kindergarden transitioning and it was a 20% day.

I don't believe there is anything medically wrong with her because if you ask her what was going on around her she will tell you, she is paying attention, she just completely shuts in. The poor thing looked like a deer in the headlights with 10 other kids around her all doing the fun stuff and her sitting there terrified looking.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Also, she has gone to a home based daycare for the last 3.5 years (I started her part time at 8 months old and then went back to full time work after her 1st b-day). So she shouldn't be experiencing separation anxiety and she is used to and enjoys (normally) being around other kids.

Thanks!



 
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