Fitness Minutes: (26,482)
1,866 4/24/14 1:57 P
I agree with Out_Of_My_Tower
Fitness Minutes: (80)
82 4/24/14 10:35 A
As you get healthier, stronger and better balanced in life, some 'friends' won't make the cut because of their lazy, self-consumed, unhealthy mindset and some of them will even cut you - especially if your successes and efforts throw their shortcomings into a light they dont like.
Yeah - youre gonna lose people. And it's a good thing.
This is a lifestyle change, not a time management change.
Start surrounding yourself with new, fired up people who prefer to actually live their lives, instead of throwing them in the trash so they can be comfy on the couch and watch tv 4 hours a day.
Fitness Minutes: (162,165)
202,539 4/24/14 5:59 A
keep at it
4/23/14 10:30 P
Hang in there. It's true you might lose "friends" along the way, but the people who truly care about you will remain in your life no matter what your weight. Be happy and confident in your achievements and I promise good people will start seeking you out and being a mainstay in your world. Best wishes!
Maybe your friend is afraid of losing you as you lose the weight. Why not introduce your friends to SparkPeople web so they can become involved who knows…it may change their tone after reviewing a few inspirational videos, articles, let them take a few quizzes.
From my friends, I have heard "I'd rather be fat and happy than deal with the crap you are" "It's not healthy to never indulge" I find that its more out of lack of understanding or out of a need to justify their own behaviors. You do not have to loose your friend. Just be patient with her. Eventually it will all even out and she will make choices.
Fitness Minutes: (162,165)
202,539 4/23/14 12:58 A
why if they are good friends they will accept as you are so you are OK
Fitness Minutes: (45,585)
2,271 4/22/14 2:54 P
You shouldn't have to.
Fitness Minutes: (99,525)
4/3/14 3:50 P
It probably depends on why you were friends in the first place. If you bonded because of being heavy and commiserated over meals, then you might lose your friends. If you were truly friends then losing weight and getting healthy(ier) might not change the friendship.
It can be hard to continue going to the same old places with food you don't want to eat often. If you value your friends you'll all figure out a way to make it work.
Fitness Minutes: (80,163)
4/3/14 2:45 P
no not really
Fitness Minutes: (45,585)
2,271 4/1/14 11:40 P
No. Make more friends at the qym!
Fitness Minutes: (29,420)
3/28/14 3:50 P
Fitness Minutes: (27,339)
3/27/14 8:28 P
Why lose a friend. Just look around and add more
Fitness Minutes: (29,420)
3/27/14 7:47 P
DON`T LOOK AT PEOPLE BEING A FRIEND ONLY YOUR MOTHER & WIFE
Sometimes it's for the best...at least until you are strengthened in your resolve to remain focused.
3/26/14 3:37 P
Thank you for sharing this
Fitness Minutes: (7,316)
3/26/14 3:14 P
This particular friend doesn't strike me as a true friend if she is jealous. There is no room for jealousy in friendship in my opinion. Perhaps carry this friendship on with a bit more distance and put your energy towards people who encourage you reaching your goals or even participate, or in the very least can be happy for your success.
I noticed you referred to her as your "dear friend." Short, tall, skinny, fat, old, young...always show compassion. You don't have to compromise your goals to show compassion. Your friend may very well be jealous of you, but if you approach things the right way...without harsh judgment and criticism...you can keep ALL of your friends...and hopefully inspire them to become healthy...both physically and spiritually. Personally, I don't see why anyone would shove their friends aside...ESPECIALLY if one is enjoying success in meeting personal goals. Seriously? If you drop weight, does that make you better than your other fat friends? If anything, it should give you wisdom and experience. Perhaps you need to set some goals to be more understanding and compassionate.
I LOVED what SKNYMOMWANNABE said about being friends and STAYING friends. I just can't see kicking someone to the curb because they weren't on the same page as me. I dunno....
Edited by: GARRIE1 at: 3/25/2014 (18:21)
Fitness Minutes: (17,158)
1,163 3/25/14 12:22 P
So I'm closer to 50 than 40. I've had many of my friends since high school and college. We have gained weight, lost weight, battled cancer, gotten injured, had babies and a host of other things that have led us to look different. However, we are still friends!?!I have some friends who seem to never battle their weight, but hey who am I to rain on their genetic lottery win?
That said I have gained a friend out of this whole weightloss thing...A mom I knew casually from our shared Mother's club put out a post to see if anyone would joint her for the Title 9, 10K in November of 2010.I had been a boot camper for 5 months and was finally seeing some fitness goals and mistakenly thought I'd be up for it. So her moniker is Cheetah girl, she's a runner, tall and lithe. Mine would be Turtle Girl and while tall, NOT LITHE! Needless to say she breezed through it in about 50 minutes and patiently waited in the rain for my huffing and puffing self to pull in at about an hour and twenty minutes. We went out for breakfast completely drenched and laughed ourselves silly. This became our thing. 10K is our preferred distance but we tried a half marathon. We have done a handful of triathlons and duathalons. We do between 8-10 races a year. A little "me" time, girl time, fitness time and yes BREAKFAST. We just did the pinkest 10K on sunday. Neither of us was battling 1000 physically so we dropped into the 5K distance. She finished at 31 minutes and I finished 9 minutes later...but we both enjoyed the post race pink mimosas...If you lose this buddy, there will be a new friend on the horizon. Be open to trying new things and see where it takes you!
Fitness Minutes: (29,420)
3/25/14 12:22 P
NO YOU SHOULD`NT LOSE FRIENDS WHEN YOU WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF THE WAY I SEE IT HE WAS`NT MUCH OF A FRIEND HE SHOULD HAD BEEN GLAD FOR YOU AND JOIN IN WITH YOU TO SHOW THAT HE WAS SUPPORTED I AM VERY GLAD FOR YOU THAT YOU DID`NT LET THAT STOP YOU FROM TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
When I was 350 lbs. I ate a lot with a friend, and my brother. We watched sports with pizza, and he would show up at our home with donuts. Every day, I would eat fast food, and wash it down with pop, and ice cream, or other sweets. Either with my brother, or my friend.
When I started losing weight with low carb 5 years ago, I couldn't eat anything either of them ate, and started cooking all my own meals, and walking, when they wanted to play video games.
In the end, I lost the friend ( not the brother )..lol. Brothers are harder to get rid of, and while he still eats higher carb, and is still over 300 lbs., he has lost about 80 lbs. just because he doesn't have me as a cheat buddy.
The friend wasn't really a friend, unless they adapted to your lifestyle. What they liked was the activity or the food, and not us. This sucks, but that person may think hanging at the bar, or eating Doritos while playing video games is more fun than hanging out with you.
The truth is.. I made the changes, and left my friend, so maybe I valued my health more than friendship also, but it was a choice I would make again. I hope he is happy, but I needed to change my life for the better.
Most of us have few true friends that just enjoy us. We have acquaintances, who we enjoy doing stuff with. Those can be replaced. My " friend " found more drinking/ fast food buddies, and I have buddies who can get a basketball game together without pressuring me to go get a beer afterwards.
These aren't great friends, but acquaintances who respect my boundaries. I also have my 3-4 real friends, which is enough. We all need a few real friends, and the rest can be buddies who you enjoy doing stuff with, and can be replaced if your likes start to vary.
Fitness Minutes: (2,023)
3/25/14 11:37 A
I WAS that friend - the jealous one, for the ones who always followed a fit & healthy lifestyle, the ones who lost a lot of weight, and the ones who were just naturally "skinny" without trying. I lost a lot of friends - and it was ENTIRELY my fault. I just wasn't ready in my mind to make the change - I was lazy, and figured it came easier to them than it ever would to me. They no longer wanted me around due to my negativity - I was bringing them down. They had every right to stop being so close to me. Some friends I, regretfully, lost forever. Others, our relationship strained, but rekindled when I let go of the negative feelings.
If your friend is dragging you down, make some distance. It doesn't mean you're "Losing a friend", but she does have some issues she needs to work out, and you shouldn't be guilty about making good choices for yourself. Give her space, let her figure it out.
When I was younger I had an overweight friend, and we ate together. A lot. We were like-minded in many ways and the friendship has survived over the years, but I eventually lost a lot of weight and got interested in exercising, and she gained quite a bit and has no interest in exercising. In a way the friendship has never been the same, because now I'm "one of them." It sort of stressed the relationship but didn't ruin it, because it was strong in other ways. Your friendship will probably either survive -- because you have other mutual interests and the other person actually cares about you -- or it won't, because there's not enough there to make it worth it for both of you.
Fitness Minutes: (1,298)
3/25/14 9:54 A
I find trying to talk with others about eating healthy and exercise is a turn off to them. I be so excited to share what I am doing with people I know......
Fitness Minutes: (105,855)
314 3/25/14 9:34 A
Getting healthy (physical exercise, food choices, etc.) is a very personal thing. Unfortunately when we engage in a journey we want to talk about it, but it isn't the slightest bit interesting to another person unless they have chosen a similar journey. So you talk about it with like minded people and talk about other things with other friends.
If you are losing friends because you are losing weight, they weren't truly friends in the first place. My friends have been very supportive through my weight journey. Many walk with me at lunch time, urge me to participate in 5Ks, and check that I'm eating healthy choices. If someone can't back you at a time like this, LOSE THEM.
Fitness Minutes: (194,327)
22,807 3/25/14 7:06 A
Some people cannot handle others' successes. Only you can decide if they are important enough to keep in your life.
Fitness Minutes: (46,330)
3/25/14 6:31 A
if they are friends, they will support you.
3/25/14 5:46 A
all good advice here.. :-)
Fitness Minutes: (54,048)
3,151 3/25/14 4:06 A
Your friends should support you and unless you overdo it and force them to do the same they have no reason to fear this change
Fitness Minutes: (0)
9,764 3/25/14 4:02 A
Friends really care and are supportive One day at a time
3/24/14 11:03 P
Today my friend bought me a box of thin mints. This seems passive aggressive to me. She has never bought me food before in the whole time I have known her. Well, except she did bring me some apple cider doughnuts once. So maybe I am being sensitive and need to learn to handle these types of situations.
Edited by: WOODSYLIBERAL at: 3/24/2014 (23:06)
Fitness Minutes: (260,775)
3/24/14 4:33 P
Why can't your friend set and keep some goals ? How many times were you asked the same question ? Why did it take you so long to decide that you needed to make some kind of change or commitment ? You have your reasons why you want to lose weight. Your friend needs to find HER reasons. We can't force someone we love to want to lose weight. They have to make that decision for themselves. Your friend hasn't found her path yet. And the fact is, her path may be different from yours when it comes to losing weight. People do lose at different rates. And that doesn't mean that anything is wrong with them. That's just the way their metabolism is.
What to do ? I agree with ML, don't try to force her to talk about her health or weight if she isn't ready. Let her make her own decisions. let her create her own path. You don't have to lose a friend because one person is gung ho about losing and one isn't.
While it's true that people do grow apart as friends, that doesn't mean you have to give her up as a friend. How long have you known this person ? If she's been a friend for years, do you really want to severe the relationship just because she can't seem to lose weight and you can ?
ML is right, there are plenty of other topics you can discuss. There are lots of other things you can do together you both might enjoy.
Fitness Minutes: (105,014)
3/24/14 4:17 P
These things happen sometimes, just try not to seem like you're bragging about your success. It makes some people feel bad about themselves. I tend to downplay my weight loss success and say something like, "I am doing the best that I can or sometimes when friends compliment me on my weight loss, I just say thanks and go on to another subject. Don't give up on your friend, maybe you can discuss how you feel and learn what her problem is with your success. Maybe it just makes her uncomfortable because she realizes her failures.
Fitness Minutes: (23,601)
843 3/24/14 10:53 A
Sometimes we are friends with people because they enable us. I have one friend who is about as heavy as I am, and she has no interest in losing weight, although she is actually quite athletic. She always wants to eat when we go out, and to order piles and piles of food. I have had to distance myself from her, because I want to be around people who are supportive of my goals.
On the other hand, I know people who start a diet, or a new fitness routine and it becomes all they talk about. It's like someone who has a new baby--it may be the most exciting thing in the world to her, but the rest of us really just don't care all that much.
So, it's possible that you two just don't have as much in common anymore, because what you used to do together was eat. It's also possible that because you are so excited about your weight loss, you are not paying attention to the fact that you are boring your friend.
Fitness Minutes: (150,453)
3/24/14 5:05 A
maybe, but you will find new friends who share your healthy goals and interests.
Possibly because your success is making her feel guily and frustrated at her own lack of success to date. And perhaps unfairly, because she feels somehow that when you talk about your own success, you are implicitly judging her. My suggestion would be to not raise the topic, and to take the initiative in making and maintaining contact.
Different people have different ways of losing weight - some like a very goals-based plan. Others find a rigid plan doesn't work for them, as they feel demotivated and a failure when "life" intervenes and they aren't able to exercise that day, or a dinner out blows the calorie budget that day - a looser approach based on an overall healthy lifestyle may work better.
Fitness Minutes: (11,767)
3/24/14 2:17 A
Maybe she does not have the strong will to lose weight and is struggling with your success. Try not talking about the weight loss and focusing on other things. If she continues to act that way maybe she is not a friend worth having. We all get jealous sometimes but a true friend would be happy and want whats best for you even if they are not having the same results. Good luck
3/24/14 1:07 A
A dear friend seems envious of my ability to set exercise goals and caloric limit goals and follow through with them. I don't understand why she doesn't put her energy into setting her own goals and learning to keep them rather than being jealous of me. Or why she can't be happy with herself if she doesn't want to set any goals How is it that her problems have become my fault? Do I have to lose a friend just because I am losing weight?
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this website can be used without the permission of SparkPeople or its authorized affiliates.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.