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Mum giving the silent treatment - please help me!

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Author: Message: Sort First Post on Top

Posts: 2,231
6/16/13 12:51 A

What your mother is doing is a form of emotional abuse...and you said it has happened before so she has been effectively abusing you and your brother. Tell her that! Just because she isn't talking to you doesn't mean you can't talk to her. Tell her that you love her and support her and that you would love nothing more than to have a functional, loving relationship with her but if she is going to resort to the silent treatment rather than communicating her needs and acknowledging yours then your relationship is in jeopardy of breaking down completely. And when you say you both have short tempers that is because she is who taught you how to react to stress. Rise above her and become a better person than her...don't react to her anger...but when she makes her snarky remarks...if she does start to speak to you again...simply state "I'll leave you with your anger" and walk away.

While she isn't speaking to you continue to talk to her as if she is and when you ask questions and she fails to answer reply to them yourself ex. "So Mum did you read/hear/see on the news the 'whatever event'?" no reply "No dear I didn't tell me all about it"...then explain the event...Or "hey mum do you need help with supper?"..."no dear I've got it".

Posts: 256
6/15/13 8:48 P

i personally have gotten the silent treatment in the past, and to be honest i hated it, it just built more resentment and hurt within me.

maybe when your mom is in a better mood, you can have her sit down and try to communciate with her how you hate to fight for her, how you understand what she is going through, the divorce and all, that you will always be there for her and love her, and vice versa...

hopefully she is willing to listen to you and talk it through.

good luck !!!

Posts: 1,667
6/15/13 7:41 P

What would you do if the roles were reversed, and you were the mom and she was the daughter?

Posts: 38
6/15/13 4:23 P

Hey guys,

Basically I need some advice from a third party. Currently my mum is going through a divorce with my father which has created a lot of stress. I have literally JUST finished my final exams of my entire degree. I have an older brother that is helping out financially and I've been helping with the bills as well with what money I have.

On Tuesday, my mum came through the door and I was on my laptop (which I'm usually on). She started throwing comments at me like "are you going to sit there forever?" so I knew she was in a bad mood. Then she started saying how she has so many things to do and started glaring at me. Now, let me say I'm the first one to help my mum do things. I go with her to wherever she needs to go provided I'm not doing other things, and I'm the one she vents to and I'm the one that listens to her and is always there. After this, I was irritated. For some, that may be over-reacting, but I was really hurt that she was lashing out at me because I was conveniently there.

So I started cleaning up. She was talking to me and I gave one worded answers, I didn't give her the silent treatment because I know how much it hurts. After I finished cleaning, I went upstairs because I needed to cool off before I said anything that could cause real damage. Apparently it was enough because she hasn't said a word to me since. After that, I have tried not to be near her because it gets me upset that she's pointedly ignoring me. My mum has done it multiple times, I have a vivid memory of me breaking down and crying in the car after picking me up from secondary school (high school) and asking her why she wasn't talking to me (it had been 2 weeks by this point) and she said it was because she didn't like my attitude.

I HATE the silent treatment, I love my mum to bits and I'm always so scared of saying something (we both have really short tempers) that will set her off so she stops talking to me. I can't go on without talking to her. Usually I cave and apologise because I don't want the pain but I was the one that was hurt this time. I'm so upset about this. Should I apologise or should I wait it out? My brother (has experience of this too) has told me to leave it, how she does it to him too so he waits it out. My friend says to wait it out as well, that I have nothing to apologise for and I wouldn't take that treatment from anyone else so why should I allow it. I hate seeing her talk happily with my brother and outright ignoring me. It's getting me really depressed and upset. Am I in the wrong?

Thanks to anyone who replies

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