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Motivation Problems? Here's some tips...



 
 
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LOSCANN
SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (1,050)
Posts: 1,591
2/18/06 10:10 A

I really needed this, thanks. I've been having a really hard time getting motivated to make better choices.



KATHBETH
SparkPoints: (9,115)
Fitness Minutes: (1,486)
Posts: 776
2/18/06 9:57 A

Wow, thanks so much Coach Dean. This is really what I needed today.



MONICA_W
Posts: 7,607
2/17/06 10:13 P

Well said and well written, Coach Dean! I'm replying only so that it is brought to the top of the message board again for others to discover. You should consider posting it somewhere permanent!



MOEMOE
Posts: 2,914
2/12/06 10:31 P

Coach Dean,

This article was exactly what I needed today...thanks from the bottom of my heart!

Moe



LIBJAK
Posts: 213
2/10/06 11:56 A

I just got past that stretch where for 2 weeks I didnt see any results. I kept up with my routine and now the pounds are coming off again. I think we all have to go through this cycle to realize it is not the end of the world and results take a long time. Thanks coach I will probably need another pep talk in March!



NETLOCMOMMA
SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 246
2/8/06 3:54 P

Thanks so much!
I don't understand why I lost my motivation after loosing 10lbs. :(
Darcy



SOUNDPLAN
Posts: 5,226
2/7/06 3:39 P

Thank you so much! This really helped me today and I appreciate your post very much.



JMYYC28
Posts: 2
2/7/06 3:32 P

thanks - ive just started like a week ago and havent been motivated much but reading yours and the others at SP's message has helped me to stay focus on whats important!



TEACHERH
Posts: 1,456
2/7/06 2:17 P

Yes, this Sparkpeople really does have a super motivation component! The coaches are a nice plus, but encouragement from regular members helps too!



VOICETEACHER
SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 8
2/6/06 9:22 P

Thanks so much, I really really need this today!



JENMAC
SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 273
2/6/06 8:08 P

Thanks Coach - I think sometimes we all go through these down spurts and need a little pick me up. It's good to know your hear for us!!! Thanks
Jen



KISSES1
Posts: 4
2/6/06 3:48 P

Thanks Coach! I just started a few weeks ago and have been doing well but I need to here people say keep up the hard work it pays off in the long run.:)



KATYDID!
Posts: 1,788
2/6/06 3:33 P

Right on the money Coach! Thanks. I (and it looks like more than a few others) really needed this right about now! I'll check back on this page more often!
-k



CALEIGHGIRL
Posts: 378
2/6/06 2:54 P

Thank you so very much! I really needed this today!



SKRABO05
Posts: 37
2/5/06 12:29 P

Thanks so much for the post, coach! I've been having a terrible time getting back to my routine since I came back from vacation. I appreciate it! emoticon



MAABELL4
SparkPoints: (294)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 11
2/4/06 11:31 P

Thank you. I was having a really down day about my weight loss. Same weight for 2 weeks. I have been doing everything and I feel healthier, but I am getting frustrated. I will keep these tips in mind. Thank you.



TRISHES_THINGS
Posts: 164
2/4/06 11:09 P

thank you coach I have always done this I do good for a while then i miss a day of exercise and I feel bad then I might have a really bad week and before I know it a month without has gone by because i tell myself "i knew I wouldn't last" I understand now if I have a bad week I just need to pick it up again and let by gones be!



TEACHERH
Posts: 1,456
2/3/06 12:45 P

Thanks so much.

I found the part about competing desires very compelling. I definitely have some self talk that I "should" want to eat healthy foods in moderation all the time because I want to be at a healthy weight. And I "should" want to never miss an exercise session because I want to be fit and strong.

But that denies the truth that I also enjoy the taste of some less healthy foods and I enjoy sitting and reading and going to bed early when I'm tired.

Now I can see those competing desires are normal and natural and I don't have to feel bad for having them. I guess now I need to integrate how I respond to those desires that take me farther away from my goals, without beating up on myself for them.

Thanks again!



BLCKLTHRRN
Posts: 13
2/3/06 8:41 A

Thank you so much, Coach Dean.

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ANGELBABYKANE
Posts: 581
2/3/06 1:45 A

A great pep talk to keep us all goin! Thanks Coach!



HOBIEJOANNE
Posts: 413
2/3/06 1:44 A

This sure does help to put everything in perspective.



RAMOSH
SparkPoints: (33)
Fitness Minutes: (656)
Posts: 127
2/2/06 9:47 P

Wow, you completely addressed all the motivation issues I have been having all month. I have lost 7 lbs this month and am feeling a little frustrated that it wasn't more. It's nice to think slow and steady will keep it off rather than looking for the quick fix. This article and sparkpeople have been a life changing force for me this month.

Thanks to you and the rest of the sparkpeople staff



MUSTANGANN
Posts: 127
2/2/06 8:23 P

Coach Dean,
This article has shed more light than all the diet and exercise books I have read...truly (If only I had it before I spent a fortune on those books..lol!)
Is there a way we could print it..so I could keep it with me as a reminder...even when I'm not on SP...truly...it is great...and very motivating!
Thank you,
Ann



WALKINGTHEWALK
Posts: 864
2/2/06 8:06 P

Thank you for sharing that. I really needed to hear what you wrote.



RICKYDAF
Posts: 1,156
2/2/06 6:51 P

Great Article coach Dean it was just what I needed to read!
Lisa



ELENAKATIE
SparkPoints: (27,553)
Fitness Minutes: (7,326)
Posts: 1,407
2/2/06 6:05 P

Coach Dean - I really liked your article. Thanks for all the support. Somehow, it means even more since I know you have been where I am and KNOW what you are talking about.

Thanks!



MUSICLIZ2011
Posts: 170
2/2/06 5:33 P

I really appreciate that article. I am a college freshman and finding healthy food choices is hard at times, especially when they are serving french fries and good deserts. I am however, cutting down on these bad foods, and if I have a craving for it, then I will treat myself to a little bit of the bad food. I have learned it is bad to avoid/ingore the little person in your head, when it comes to food. Just eat it and get over it, and just remember I have to work twice as hard now. Thanks for all the HELP.
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UNICORN_MOM
Posts: 1,393
2/2/06 1:16 P

Thanks Coach Dean. It was soooo good to have the reminder that I am my own worst enemy and the hardest on myself.

It gets back to the question "Is your glass 1/2 full or 1/2 empty?"

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KAYLA151
Posts: 525
2/2/06 10:59 A

This is the second time I've read this article....just as good as the first. I CHOOSE to make better decisions for the rest of this week. I also choose not to be a "victim" of circumstance when I'm traveling next week. I will make the best decisions possible during each meal and should I CHOOSE to have a dessert with the rest of my co-workers, I will enjoy every last bite!



CAT1990
Posts: 111
2/2/06 10:35 A

Wow, Coach Dean - Extremely well said.

Thank you!!



SP_COACH_DEAN
SparkPoints: (88,355)
Fitness Minutes: (133,009)
Posts: 15,049
2/1/06 1:50 P

Thanks for all the positive feedback, folks. It's very motivating!

Coach Dean



MOPPIT
Posts: 1,161
1/29/06 1:17 P

Thanks Sharpie! I really hadn't looked at it that way. I guess what is important is the outcome, not just the journey! We can do this!!!

Moppit



SHARPIE1
Posts: 322
1/29/06 1:01 P

Don't get discouraged Moppit...looks like you are down 3 pounds this month...hey, that's a 36 lb/yr loss...a very healthy pace! Don't sweat the small ups and downs!



PURELYSHELL
SparkPoints: (33,858)
Fitness Minutes: (10,364)
Posts: 7,161
1/29/06 12:09 P

Awesome post, Coach Dean! Thanks for sharing this it is really important stuff! emoticon



MOPPIT
Posts: 1,161
1/28/06 11:49 P

I, too, thank you. I had a "bad" day and was really trying to forgive myself. You sure helped me to move on and focus on what I can do next time and all the good I've already done. Thank you!

Moppit



CRADLEUNKNOWN
SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (130)
Posts: 49
1/28/06 5:08 P

Thanks so much for posting this Coach Dean. It means a lot to me, who was just last night calling myself a failure because I had stopped visiting the site for a few days and gained 2 pounds back that I had worked diligently to lose. Everytime I feel myself kicking myself, I'll come back here and re-read. Thanks again!!



SHARPIE1
Posts: 322
1/28/06 4:54 P

Thanks Coach Dean!

Reading this helps confirm glimpses I've already begun to experience. And it helps put some structure to this journey. Thanks espcially for posting this at this time! So far, this site has been a great help to me.



SP_COACH_DENISE
Posts: 28,839
1/28/06 4:16 P

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MAINEJAINE
SparkPoints: (36,694)
Fitness Minutes: (2,631)
Posts: 127
1/27/06 10:34 P

That was EXCELLENT! I am definitely feeling pumped back up.



LAURACOLE
Posts: 79
1/27/06 10:03 P

Thank you it was just what I needed. It gives me some new perspectives on the future.

Thanks again hope to hear from you again
Julie



VIRGINIA3
Posts: 260
1/27/06 9:03 P

Great message on motivation! Thank you so much!



TBEAR6
Posts: 1,819
1/27/06 12:53 P

Thank you! I WAS feeling so depressed today! emoticon



DONNA_VT
Posts: 8,339
1/27/06 12:22 P

Thanks! I can always use some motivation perspective.
Perfect timing coming into the weekend when I always seem to have the most trouble.



UCFGAL
Posts: 625
1/27/06 12:07 P

That was just what I needed. Very motivational.



COLDTURKEY
Posts: 698
1/27/06 11:42 A

Thanks so much. Great timing, just when I needed a pep talk.



MISS_MURKY
Posts: 204
1/27/06 11:04 A

Thanks for that, Coach.

I'm in the middle of a plateau, and just over halfway to my final goal. Some days, it feels like I'll be at the halfway mark forever, but in the end... I'm still treating my body well, and reaping the benefits of being healthy. The weight loss is just an added bonus.



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KAYLA151
Posts: 525
1/27/06 10:48 A

This was exactly what I needed today. I haven't had a great week. My choices have been poor regarding my diet and both my mood and my weight loss has been effected. Not anymore. It's a new day. I've only slowed down...time to regain my speed. Thanx.



CHANJW23
Posts: 374
1/27/06 9:20 A

So let me try this out - I am getting thinner every day. I have a great method of tracking caloric intake that is going to help me reach my goals. I enjoy exercising and the process of becomming the person I will be. I am responsible for my own actions and I am not a victim of bad circumstances or bad genes or anything else. I can choose what kind of body I have and how I spend my time. I am thankful that I have the tools I need to get where I want to go.



ON_A_MISSION
Posts: 133
1/27/06 2:54 A

wow, this is great, thank you!



SP_COACH_DEAN
SparkPoints: (88,355)
Fitness Minutes: (133,009)
Posts: 15,049
1/27/06 12:50 A

A lot of people seem to be having motivation problems right now, so I thought that a few general ideas and suggestions might be helpful. What follows is very "psychological" and, I hope, will help you better understand and take charge of being your own best motivator. As they say, take what you can use, and leave the rest.

First, if you started your weight loss plan at the beginning of the year, it might help to know that now is the time when most people start running into motivation problems. In fact, the second half of January is when "new year's resolutions" start dropping like flies, and many people give up. If you don't want to be part of that particular crowd, now is definitely the time to reach a little deeper and try a little harder. Here are some things that might help you do that.

1. The biggest single cause of drooping motivation is unrealistic expectations. When you have all your hopes set on one thing, and something else happens instead, of course it's hard to keep on doing what, to you, doesn't seem to be working. That's exactly how you're supposed to feel, so that you don't fall into that peculiar form of madness that keeps you doing the same old thing over and over again, expecting to get different results.

But this natural reaction becomes a problem when what you have your hopes set on is something that just plain doesn't have much chance of actually happening. Like seeing predictable and consistent changes in your weight every week. Or expecting to go from confirmed couch potato to exercise maven by sheer force of will, without paying your dues.

So, if you find your motivation lagging because you're not getting the results you expected, the first thing to do is check and see how realistic your expectations really are.

When it comes to weight loss, here is what you SHOULD be expecting.

Shedding pounds is only one of many ways your body responds to lowered calorie intake and/or increased exercise and activity; often, this is the last change to happen. Some of you may lose weight easily and quickly at first, only to slow down later. Others may take forever to lose that first couple of pounds, but then get on a roll. Or your weight loss may come in waves with substantial periods of calm seas in between. All of this is perfectly normal.

Although we talk about weight loss in terms of numbers--calories in versus calories out--your body is not a calculator, and it doesn't operate like your checking account. It is a complex, living organism with all kinds of business to take care of, many needs and priorities to juggle, and usually, more than a few difficulties to overcome that we ourselves put in its way with our less than ideal habits and thought patterns. It's hardly fair, then, to expect that living up to your expectations about what number should appear on the scale at any given moment is going to be very high on your body's agenda. And defining success solely in terms of the number on a scale is one of those habits that can very easily get in the way of reaching your goal.

Your best bet is to put some faith in the process, and keep your focus on what you can actually control--namely, what you eat, and the activity and exercise you do. You WILL lose weight, if you do your part tolerably well, and most likely, it will even turn out to be at the expected rate when you look at it from the other end of the tunnel. That is, when you get to your goal and look back at the process, you probably will have lost at the rate of 1-2 pounds per week, on average. There just may not be very many weeks where you actually lost one or two pounds. That's what happened for me, over the 18 months it took me to lose 150 pounds. Those weeks where nothing changed, or I acutally went backwards, drove me crazy and sapped my motivation until I finally realized I was putting my attention on the wrong things. When I started focusing on the small positive changes I was making in my nutrition and in my capacity to exercise and be more active, life got much easier and more rewarding. That, I believe, is our role in this process. The rest is not up to us, and trying to control what you can't control is a prescription for failure.

2. When it comes to your own behavior, don't expect yourself to be perfect, and don't sweat the small stuff. The idea that anyone can, or should, manage to never overeat or skip an exercise session is, first of all, a form of false pride. Why on earth should any one of us think that we'll be the first human being in history to pull this off, or that if we don't, we're some kind of miserable failure as a person?

If you find that you are holding yourself to this kind of perfectionistic standard, or getting way to focused on what your scale says, or verbally abusing yourself for those bad days you have, give yourself (and everybody else) a break -- just accept the fact that, along with the rest of us, you will have times when your human appetites and your feelings are going to win out over your good intentions. It is not a big deal. Your job is to learn how to let these occasions teach you things you need to know about yourself, and that isn't going to happen if you spend most of your time and energy obsessing about your weight, or especially, getting down on yourself. That kind of useless self-abuse is just a smokescreen you are using to avoid your real responsibilities and opportunities. It is the polar opposite of honest self-appraisal. These may seem like harsh words, but getting past this problem is really critical to success--trust me, I had to learn this the hard way, and that cost me a lot of painful years and wasted effort.

Keeping things in perspective is also important. In the long run, going over your calorie budget by a couple of hundred calories, or missing an exercise session, just isn't significant enough to get upset about. In fact, it's the getting upset that can turn these minor problems into major ones, by destroying your motivation and your confidence such that you let one bad day turn into a bad week or month or lifetime. And getting overly upset is completely voluntary, not inevitable.

3. Make sure your expectations about motivation itself--how it works and where it comes from--are also realistic.

Many people seem to think that "being motivated" means not having to struggle with opposing desires, or at least that such struggles will be easy to resolve the "right" way. Not so. It is our nature as human beings to pursue both the immediate gratification of our sensual needs and desires (eating what we like when we want it), and the psychological/emotional gratification that comes from having and achieving meaningful but more abstract goals (being "healthy," "fit" and "attractive" as our culture defines these things). Both of these pursuits are necessary for the survival and flourishing of both individuals and their societies, and equally worthy of our loyalty and support. Judging one these pursuits to be superior to the other is to deny half of what and who you are, and set yourself up for endless and demoralizing inner conflict and turmoil.

At the same time, our "loyalty" to our physiological and social realities cannot be blind or unthinking. The sad fact of human history seems to be that, out of ignorance or fear, we routinely create cultures, social systems, and personal environments that are seriously out of balance. In the realm of eating and food choices, our modern world (and often our own kitchen) is crammed full of well-marketed, tasty foods that appeal to our innate predispositions (that sweettooth, or that fondness for rich fatty foods you've got) but are also nutritional and caloric nightmares. Most of us have to struggle continuously with this problem, and no amount of motivation will make it go away. (A little social engineering or political activity might, but that's a different discussion).

But I digress. The point is that motivation is not about resisting the lure of "bad" foods or the appeal of laying on the couch in front of the TV. It's about giving yourself the chance to make conscious decisions about what you want to do at any given time, and taking appropriate responsibility for your decisions. The main "enemy" of motivation, therefore, is the tendency to see yourself as the hapless victim of forces or urges over which you have no control, whether that force be a chocolate donut or the vast cultural apparatus that defines attractiveness in ridiculously unrealistic terms.

Your motivation will be strong in proportion to the effort you put into making your own decisions (regardless of what they might be) with conscious awareness, or weak in proportion to the effort you put into seeing your self as the helpless victim of your own urges, feelings and desires, or of circumstances beyond your control.

If you want your motivation to be stronger and more effective, do these two things: (1) CHOOSE to eat well and exercise as often as you can; (2) when you don't accomplish this, understand and acknowledge that it was by your own choice, and move on to how you can do things differently next time.

This is NOT the same thing as feeling guilty or being judgmental and negative about the decision you made. It is just the opposite. It is about accepting the decision you made as a valid decision made under less than ideal circumstances, and thus freeing yourself to look at those circumstances from the viewpoint of a powerful and capable person who has the ability to modify those circumstances, in large or small ways, so that it might be easier to keep your decisions in line with your intentions the next time.

In other words, motivation is not something you find or lose, have or don't have. It is the product of how you see yourself in the world: active or passive, effective or ineffective, powerful or victimized, normal or pathological.

There are many things that can happen, especially during our early years when we are largely dependent on others for guidance and caretaking, to push us strongly in one of these directions or the other. If you tend to see yourself as helpless victim, this is probably because at some formative point, you were victimized and helpless to prevent it. If you feel powerless to manage your own feelings and soothe yourself, you probably didn't have much help learning how to do that when you were young.

But history is not destiny, and from a psychological point of view, "reality" is simply a story we tell ourselves about how things are and why we are the way we are. If you want and need to change your psychological reality, change the story you are telling yourself. This does not mean denying or ignoring either your past or present circumstances, or inventing some nice fairy tale to take their place. If you are a single parent with young kids and a full time job, or a person with major medical or psychlogical issues to contend with, or someone who is so large that physical activity really is difficult, it WILL be harder for you than for some others to do what you need to do. You need to acknowledge that and be realistic about what kind of changes you can hope to make and how quickly or easily you can make them. But you can re-write your story so that these circumstances are not the determining factor in your success or failure. Your new story can be about how your creativity, ingenuity, and perseverance enable you to find full or partial solutions to these challenges, and to do the best that can be done with what you've got to work with--for yourself, and all the other people involved.

The story you are telling yourself at any moment is the foundation of your motivation, or lack of it. Make sure you are telling yourself the story you need to hear. And the best way to really come to believe your story is to see it come true in the small, well-chosen steps you take every day towards your goals.

I hope this helps.

Coach Dean


Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 2/4/2006 (02:41)


 
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