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JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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1/9/08 12:31 A

January 8, 2007
I am a powerful woman and my nutritional choices nourish my body and mind and soul.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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1/7/08 3:44 P

The only way to get new results is to change your choices today. Today I am making healthy choices for my body, mind and soul.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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1/7/08 12:27 A

Even when I do not see changes in the numbers on the scale, I am seeing my clothes getting loser. I am feeling stronger physically and emotionally, and I am happy with the results just as they are. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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1/5/08 11:10 P

There is a spring in my step, a song in my heart and a smile on my face. I feel as beautiful inside as I am beginning to transform on the outside. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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1/3/08 4:49 P

My body, mind, and soul, reflect my inner desire to create and maintain a healthy happy lifestyle. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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1/2/08 6:44 P

Jan 2, 2007
Each day provides me with a multitude of choices. Moment by moment my choices support the healthy lifestyle I am creating. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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1/1/08 6:25 P

Jan 1, 2008
New Year, New Body, New Attitude. I am joyful in my choices to follow a healthy lifestyle.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/31/07 10:52 P

NEW YEARS EVE 2007

POSITIVE AFFIRMATION...... TAKEN FROM DAN 0608
1) I CAN succeed.
2) I am WORTH the effort.
3) I WILL do whatever it takes to get the weight off and get in shape.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! AND I WILL JOIN DAN IN THE WINNER'S CIRCLE THIS YEAR.


JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/30/07 5:48 P

New Years Resolutions vs New Years Goals

I have never been a person that sits down to write resolutions. For some reason this always felt like a negative, like something you want to stop doing and you have finally resolved that you have to.

So instead I write my New Years Goals. I try to make them pretty outlandish because I like to reach for the stars. Sometimes I actually meet most of my goals and it amazes me.

As I start 2008 I am really pondering what goals I can set for myself. The obvious ones are mostly habits that I have started and want to continue because they are working for me. Then there are bigger goals that I get nervous to write down because they seem more like dreams. And then there are the huge ones that seem more like an overactive imagination. So here goes. Starting from small to large to humungest.

1. chart my food intake daily
2. chart my exercise daily
3. post on SP as often as possible, hoping this will be daily also.
4. Exercise 6 days per week. This will include 3 days of cardio focus and 3 days of strength and toning per week. Cardio on strength days will be 10 minutes minimum. Cardio on the cardio days will be 30 minutes.
5. Get minimum 6 hours of sleep per night, shooting for 8 hours.
6. Spend 1 day a month with my parents
7. Journal with intention at least 3 days a week.
8. Outline my book in January, start writing as much as possible with goal to finish the book by September
9. Seek publisher in October, November
10. Sign book deal in December in time for 2009.
11. Plan and take vacation of 2 weeks during the summer of 2008. This can be a stay at home vacation, do not need to travel, just need to take extended period of time off from work.
12. Continue all good habits that I have started in 2007.
13. Lucky 13, put the house up for sale in the summer of 2008, and let the rest of moving take care of itself.
14. Move to a smaller house, 1500 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, on 1/2 to 1 acre lot, brand new, energy efficient, lots of open space and light, maintenance free yard.
15. Buy a hybrid car.
16. Spend as much time as possible outdoors.
17. Spend more time with Nurit and Chava.
18. Connect with old friends, even if just by phone or email.
19. Pay off all of my credit cards by next Dec.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/30/07 5:29 P

Positive Affirmation, Dec 30, 2007

As I begin 2008 I look forward to a year full of excitement and new discoveries. I know in my heart and soul that I am living my best life now. My eating and exercising habits are healthy and I am in control and making the best choices for my active life.

emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/29/07 5:21 P

Positive Affirmation Dec 29, 2007

As I remember my past I choose to let go of all that has been unhealthy. Moment by moment I am on the journey of prosperity, good health, and physical fitness.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/29/07 3:10 A

December 29, 2007
I am going to start posting positive affirmations in my journal as well as continuing to write about my feelings.

Today I had a thought about how our body is the vehicle that we use to communicate with the world outside of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

My positive affirmation for today is: 20
My healthy, strong and slim body is my vehicle to the world outside of my feelings. I am happy to be driving the Rolls Royce everyday to work, play, and fun.


JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/24/07 12:32 A

December 23, 2007

In just a couple of hours it will be Christmas Eve. This would normally be a very difficult time for me to stay motivated to stick with eating within a calorie range and exercising. But this year I am so motivated to not overeat and to get my activity done early in the day that I don't feel like I am going to have a problem sticking within my calorie allotment. I did join the overeaters team today because I feel that I am beginning to let thoughts of binge eating drift into my moments by moments. I have not indulged at all, but just the thoughts drifting in have disturbed me a bit.

So I am rededicating myself to getting through the next 3 weeks, yes I say 3 because right after the new year comes my 57th birthday. So I am committed to getting the period over with by sticking with my plan of eating within the 1200 to 1550 calories and getting 15 minutes minimum of exercise a day. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/22/07 9:33 P

December 22, 2007

I didn't realize I haven't posted here for a few days. I have been really busy with my family and work.

I have not last any weight in almost 2 weeks. I haven't gained anything, so I guess in a sense I am probably losing. I knew that I would probably hit a plateau and I was ready for it.

What I have been doing is:
1. changed the amount of cardio by adding at least 10 minutes a day.
2. raised my weights to 8 pounds for each dumbbell. I can really feel the difference in the weights in my arms and back.
3. I have been eating a few more calories a day. I know this might be contrary to what some people might think I should, but I am trying to trick my body into knowing that I am not starving it.
4. I am having patience knowing that I may not make my goal of 178 by the NEW YEAR. I am very close and I will be happy with that.

In the meantime I will be happy with any measurement differences I may accomplish. Tomorrow is measure day, so I will be able to see if my body has shrunk at all.


JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/18/07 7:50 P

Today I am feeling like I am running a little out of steam. I think tonight I will honor my body and:

1. Do 10 minutes of cardio
2. Eat a light dinner
3. Take a hot bath
4. Go to bed early



JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/17/07 7:21 P

Masterweaver, I so agree with you on this. The emotional eating issue is a huge one for me to conquer. I don't generally eat because I feel bad, but I have caught myself thinking about binging at these times. I am more of the type of person that eats mindlessly when I am happy.. you know, the popcorn and chips, cookies, etc when I feel all cozy and warm. Now I am finding that I want to get up and move around,,, wiggle with the jiggle. I have this new device that measures my calorie loss according to my activity and the challenge is to make it go over 600 everyday. I love this. I don't necessarily have to do any organized exercise to burn those calories. I can clean, play with the dogs, etc and see my calories burn away. Also, this weekend I ate a cookie, then did enough exercise to burn the calories away. So this is a different perception for me in regards to relating exercise and calories.

MASTERWEAVER SparkPoints: (0)
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12/17/07 12:04 P

Joann,

I think the real accomplishment that you have made isn't the lost weight, though that is great. You are learning to question your perceptions of a situation, re-evaluate the situation, and adjust your perceptions due to this re-evalution. This is how changes in behavior truly happen. This goes far beyond any number on the scale. Excellent job!

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/17/07 12:30 A

Thanks Meychey for the wonderful comments on my journaling. I am feeling really wonderful, strong, happy, and balanced. And my clothes are beginning to get looser too. Today I measured and I have lost something like 14 inches all over the body, so this is even more important than the scale.

Actually one of the best accomplishments for me is to be able to keep up the cardio exercises for over 15 minutes at a time. I could only do 3 to 5 minutes 10 weeks ago, so of course, this is the best accomplishment of them all. Joann

MEYCHEY Posts: 4,005
12/16/07 7:44 P

Hi, Joann. You are doing so well, don't let that scale discourage any part of what you've accomplished. I still get on the sacel each morning watching fo rthose numbers to appear like it's a roulette wheel, but I feel so good, strong and healthy, that I'm okay now if there is no change for 3 weeks at a time.

Your little calorie counting device is such a great idea - a book I'm reading said that another way to help our metabolism burn calories at a higher level is to keep moving. You have found a way to keep moving that motivates you and your puppy!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your journey here in your journal. I enjoyed catching up with you and getting to know you a bit better.

Peace and grace. Meychey

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/16/07 12:26 A

Moment by Moment Dec 15, 2007

Today I got a new device that measures how many calories I am burning as I do activities. I am not sure how it works, but I know it has motivated me to get a lot more exercise. This morning I jogged in place for 45 minutes while I was throwing the ball for the dogs and I was able to burn over 200 calories.

I am not sure how long I will be using the little meter, but I can certainly see that it helped to motivate me to get moving a bit more even at times I would normally have just stood still. My puppy really likes it because she could chase me around the house while I was walking from room to room.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/13/07 2:02 P

December 13, 2007 Moment by Moment

Today when I got on the scale for my weekly weigh in I sooooo wanted to see 180. And what I saw was 179. At first I didn't believe my eyes, so I got off the scale and got back on and the scale now said 180. So I thought, hmm is something wrong with the scale. I got off and got back on and it said 181.

Well, I noticed that the scale was not sitting exacly square on the floor, kind of tilted up on the carpet on one side. I moved it, got on again and with no waivering it said 181. So I know that I did not lose from my Sunday weight, and at first I was a bit bummed out. Of course I wanted to be 179.

With this, I began to think about how much attention I was putting onto this number. I know in my heart and head that I am eating the right amount of calories for my body. I also know that I have been exercising everyday and not overdoing it. I have been staying balanced. And I have been telling myself that being in balance is much more important than to see the scales moving down. So I had another good chat with myself about how important slow and steady, balanced and even is.. and now I am happy once again. I am 181. This is awesome. I was 200 pounds just a short 9 weeks ago. 181 is wonderful. emoticon

MASTERWEAVER SparkPoints: (0)
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12/11/07 12:14 P

Joann,
Your insights on the connections between stress release and comfort eating are wonderful.

By skipping the latte, have you noticed any other benefits, like a heftier bank balance?

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/10/07 12:48 A

Dec. 9, 2007 Today I have lost 18 pounds and kept going for over 8 weeks on Spark. Today I am doubling my efforts to stay with my new eating plan and not fall off course. This week I will commit to doing 10 extra minutes of cardio everyday. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/8/07 2:50 A

Dec 7, 2007

Once again I ate towards the high end of my calorie allowance. I think I may not lose anything this week, but I feel that I needed the extra calories for some reason. This may be a beginning of a plateau for me and I am ready to work through it, not by cutting calories, but by exercising more. This is a change of strategy for me. emoticon

Edited by: JMARIES51 at: 12/8/2007 (02:51)
JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/6/07 6:38 P

December 6, 2007

The past couple of days I have noticed that I have been eating at the higher end of my calorie amounts. I seem to be having cravings for sugar again. I think that maybe I should be eating a bit more protein in the morning. Or maybe I need more complex carbs. Well, I guess the only way to find out is to experiment. At least I haven't gone on a binge. This is so much better than I have ever done in the past. I feel really good about my food intake.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/4/07 7:36 P

Dec 4, 2007 Moment by Moment

Last night I had a difficult time not giving into binge eating. Luckily I had so many calories left from the day time that I didn't go over my calorie count. So I started to think what might be the cause.

I think that I didn't eat enough protein in the morning. I didn't eat enough complex carbs during the day. And the last thing is I was a bit worried about some fanily members, so I think this also added to the stress.

So today I am doing a correction of everything that I think I did wrong yesterday. This evening I will see if I feel better. emoticon

Oh yes, I will drink my liquids tonight also.

Edited by: JMARIES51 at: 12/6/2007 (18:39)
CATIPILLAR SparkPoints: (20)
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12/2/07 9:22 P

Hi Joanne, I just stumbled into your journal and want to say good job keep it up!! I started journaling last night for the first time. I visited SP about a year ago but didn't really stick with it. This time I am going to use all of the tools available. One in particular was this board for journals. I really believe you need a release while you go through this process and just like I found your journal and was inspired by the work you have put I hope I can do the same for someone. It is so funny how much alike we (people that struggle with weight issues) are. You are not alone and if you keep doing what you are doing you will meet your goal. emoticon

MOV4WARD Posts: 10,632
12/2/07 5:49 P

Joann ~ just found your community journal and took a minute to read back through. I'm surprised ~ i'm not sure how this is different from the blogs, but i've been blogging and you've been journaling... ;) 1 & the same methinks.

Thank you for sharing your journal ~ I feel like I know you better & understand your struggles a little better from this...

i'm glad that you are recognizing when you are feeling stressed or emotional, and you are choosing to cope and destress instead of eat. this should get easier as we go through different situtations once, twice or more with success...

congrats on moving to stage 3 and your weight loss so far. you're doing gr8 :)

& I love your pic with 3 furbabies... triple the joy :)

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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12/1/07 7:31 P

Moment by Moment, December 1, 2007

I have been on Spark People for 7 weeks, lost 16 pounds, have been able to stay on the calories and exercise plan everyday. Today I am moving into Stage 3 of the Spark Plan.

I recognize that I am doing well, and feeling very strong. The snowballing effect of sticking with my life plan and heading straight for my goals is working tremendously.

My next short term goal is to lose 10 pounds by January 19th. This will include Christmas and my birthday. If I am able to meet this short goal, I will feel like I am really progressing on my long term goal.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/28/07 12:08 A

November 27, 2007

Thanksgiving is over and I am feeling very motivated to see how much I can lose by the end of 2007. There are only 5 more weeks left of this year and I want to make them all count.

Today I did feel kind of hungry and it felt a bit challenging at time, so I thought to myself - why am I feeling this way. I realized that I am really stressed at work and this is part of that old familiar voice saying eat to comfort. What I would rather have is less stress at work. I will work on this tomorrow.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/22/07 12:12 A

Today I am feeling a different sort of motivation than I normally do. My uncle passed away and I know that in about a month or so I will be seeing all of my relatives that I haven't seen in over a year. I would love to be another 20 pounds lighter by the time we see each other again. I am not usually motivated by these sorts of outside things but for some reason this feels really important to me.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/21/07 1:46 A

I had one of those very important moments this morning. I realized on the way to work that I was feeling very stressed. With a very swift and total bolt of lightening I realized that when I feel this way, I eat to stuff these feelings. I would normally have gone to get a Starbucks, maybe a muffin, and then the stressed feeling would go away. So what I did this morning was deep breathing, then I called my guy and talked to him about how stressed I was feeling and how I know in the past I would be eating something to drown these feelings. I finally made myself a cup of tea, drank some water and got to work and the feeling passed. Once again a moment of emotional stress was changed to a moment of NOT making wrong choices.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/18/07 11:46 P

Today I felt like I had more energy than I have had in a couple of years. Maybe it is because it was Sunday and I had a good night's sleep, but I really think the exercise is starting to kick in and give me more energy. Of course eating properly probably helps a lot too.

The challenge for me is to keep up this momentum and not let it slide at all. I have been here before and maintained this for years at a time. What I can never understand is why I would ever let it go and slip into the other way of eating and non exercise.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/16/07 10:44 P

Moment by moment, November 16, 2007

Today I ate fast food. Big Deal, right? Well, for me it is. I did my investigation first. I wanted to order something healthy, not to fattening, but still eat enough to feel like I had eaten.

I chose a tostado salad. Yes, it was a bit high in calories, but I had saved enough to be able to accomodate them. Was it worth it? Well, I am not sure. It wasn't as tasty as I wanted. I think the food I eat at home is better. I am not sure where all the calories came from. Maybe there is a lot of fat hidden in the chicken or beans. Anyway, it felt good not to have to cook on a Friday night, but maybe I could have made a better choice.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/16/07 12:30 A

November 15, 2007...... 188
I have been at this weight before. The weight I was for my daughter's wedding. The weight I was on my last trip to Israel. 188 is a weight that has been fairly easy for me to accomplish over the years. Now I am going to start to go lower. At 175 I will reach the lowest weight that I have been in the past 10 years of my life. I will get there hopefully before the New Year. This is my goal. When I start 2008 I would like to feel that I am starting a New Year and a new me. This I will do moment by moment.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/14/07 1:27 A

Moment by Moment.. It is getting difficult to keep up my tracking.

Today is almost 5 weeks since I joined Spark People and I am beginning to notice that I am getting a bit slack on how I post calories and exercise. So today I made the decision that I am going to watch these two areas much closer.

In the beginning I was so motivated to keep on track that I underate and overexercised. Now I am beginning to eat mroe and exercise less. So it is time to check both of these areas. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/12/07 7:23 P

Moment by Moment, November 11th, 2007

Today I was playing outside with the puppy and slipped and feel. I am a bit worried that I may have hurt myself. So I am going to go soak in the tub for awhile. Hopefully afterwards I will have enough energy to keep posting.

Otherwise, this is a holiday and I am doing great. Haven't overeaten at all and have exercised all day.

emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/11/07 9:20 P

November 11, 2007

Today I spend another couple of hours gardening and then another hour or so playing with the dogs outside. After I came in I thought I was going to be too tired to exercise, but I just rested a short while and then got on the stairstepper. I really challenged myself to keep stepping. Afterwords I immediately went and lifted weights and did my stretching and strengthening exercises. It felt so good to get it all done and have the rest of the day to myself.

Tomorrow I have the day off work. That was a surprise and I plan to get some good workout time under my belt. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/11/07 1:45 A

November 10th, 2007

Today is one month since I have started with Spark People. I really feel in control of my eating and exercising. Everything is becoming easier and my exercise is increasing almost daily.

Today I work in the yard for about 2 to 3 hours and didn't get all tired out. It was a wonderful fall day, the sun was shining, and I felt really good.

emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/10/07 2:26 A

November 9, 2007

Moment by moment changes.
1. One month of sticking with it. Exercise is getting much easier
2. My food intake seems to be pretty well under control again. I think I could do a bit better to eat more throughout the day and less at night, but I get too hungry in the evening if I don't have a snack.
3. My pant size is down one size and I am feeling much more comfortable in my clothes.
4. My energy level on the whole is improved. I still have a problem sleeping all through the night. Sometimes I wake up after 5 hours of sleep and my body thinks it is time to get up.
5. I am enjoying work a lot more mostly because I look forward to logging onto the Spark People and see how everything is going.
6. I really feel that I am taking my getting healthy journey moment by moment.
10 pounds lost. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/8/07 12:59 A

emoticon

November 7, 2007

It has been a few days since I have written. The weekend was difficult, not from a standpoint of sticking with the food plan, but from having enough energy to exercise. I didn't get the right amount of sleep all weekend and that took away from my energy level. This really upset me, however it was something that was really beyond my control. Luckily on Sunday night I was able to get a good night's sleep and finally catch up. Even with all of this I only missed one day of exercise.

What is wonderful about this is that I didn't give up everything just because I didn't have energy to exercise. In fact I also ate less food, so maybe that also contributed to not enough energy.

So I continue my journey moment by moment and keep sticking to the plan.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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11/3/07 2:32 A

emoticon

Today I bought myself some new dumbells and tried the 20 minute workout with the dumbells. It felt really good to try something new in the exercise arena.

In general my exercising is getting easier everyday. I still have to push myself to get going, but once I am moving, I really enjoy it. And when I am finished I feel very proud of myself.


JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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10/31/07 10:57 P

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks on Spark People. I am feeling even more motivated today than I was on my first day. I feel like I am on a roll emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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10/31/07 3:00 P

October 31, 2007

Today is Halloween and I am not buying any candy. NO Candy in the house.... and I don't feel any attraction to go buy any either. Maybe tonight I will feel differently.

I think tonight I will work out as much as I can. Tomorrow is my 3 week weigh in.

emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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10/31/07 2:43 A

October30, 2007

Today was my son's birthday and I began to panic about going out to dinner at a restaurant and having birthday (ice cream) cake for dessert. I know I could have passed on the dessert, but one of my goals is to take the forbidden foods idea out of my head and replace it with eating in moderation.

I was successful on both accounts. I hit the panic button last night and got some really good ideas from the message board about looking up Thai food calories. Actually this was a great choice in regards to eating restaurant food. Almost everything we ordered was not that high in calories. And I ate everything in total moderation, including the ice cream cake. I stayed within my calorie limits and still did not feel deprived. This was a huge moment for me. In the past I would have felt that I had compromised all of my hard work and that I might as well give up. But today I feel like a winner all the way around. emoticon

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
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10/30/07 1:04 A

Oct 29, 2007
Today is Monday. I have never realized how much I stress out on Mondays. I think that I am beginning to realize just exactly how much I have used food to stuff my feelings.

Mondays are the busiest day of the week at work. If I don't get enough time to relax on the weekend, I also feel even more stressed on Mondays. So today I started noticing as I was getting closer to work, I was thinking about what I wanted to eat for lunch. It hadn't even been an hour since I had finished breakfast. I also was missing my Starbucks latte in a big way this morning. What I really was wanting to do was to comfort myself for having to go to work on Monday. Everybody else in my house does not get up and go to work, so I guess I was also feeling really sorry for myself.

These feelings that I am beginning to acknowledge are interesting. I didn't stuff them today. Instead I made intelligent choices and wrote an energy bar into my food plan. This really helped me get through my low energy hours of the afternoon, and it wasn't the typical gorging of M & M's that used to take place.

I also realized that when I would feel these feelings in the morning, I would get a nice big latte, and sometimes even a scone or something like that to go with it. I would think of this as my reward for going to work. Who gets a reward for going to work? I can see clearly what food has been for me... a reward for doing the things that I didn't really want to do. So if I put a latte on it, it makes the bitter pill easier to swallow. emoticon I think maybe it would be better to find something other than food to reward myself.

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10/29/07 10:49 P

Hi Peg,
Ramble all you want. This is a public journal on purpose so that other people might read something and relate.

My son and his Dad don't get along. We divorced when Amir was very young and I think that his Dad has always been angry that his son prefers me to him. So of course there is a lot more to the emotional tie than just a problem of overeating to stuff the frustration. I am just happy that so far, moment by moment, I am dealing with this.

The interesting thing about all of this is my daughters don't cause me quite as much emotional eating problem, however, I can see that I handed this problem down to them. They also stuff their feelings with food, whereas my son is able to actually get angry and voice his anger. Isn't it strange how this all ties together. emoticon

HARLEYMOM59 SparkPoints: (4,624)
Fitness Minutes: (1,650)
Posts: 502
10/29/07 7:59 P

WOW. very insightful. very nice journaling.
great job on the weight loss so far. keep up the good work.

it breaks my heart when my son is in pain. physical or emotional. it's tough being the mom. it doesn't seem to affect his father like it does me.

i didn't realize that this journal site existed. hmmm. am still learning my way around here. my computer time is somewhat limited.

sorry. didn't mean to ramble on in your journal.

peg.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
Fitness Minutes: (73,300)
Posts: 2,420
10/27/07 2:51 A

11:37pm emoticon

I should be asleep, but I am still awake. I had another moment of feeling emotional pull towards food. My son came home upset about something and I tried to talk some sense into him, but he still has this place of anger that I can't reach. I just talked to him for a bit and then I realized that I was really getting upset that I couldn't make it ok for him. After that I felt like I wanted to eat. So what was that feeling that I was wanting to stuff with food??

I think I was feeling anxiety. I couldn't make it better. Why do I think it is my job to make his life ok? Do I equate this with not being a good mother? Do I not want my children to have to go through any pain in their life? How realistic is this anyway. The painful experiences are the ones that help us grow and give us strength.

So many feeling tied up with these emotions, and only one way to soothe them. Food, glorious, gooey, sweet, intoxicating food. Why does food take away the pain? It doesn't really, it just covers it up like a great big tranquilizer and I use it over and over again until I am able to get strong and face the real issues, or better yet, bury those issues and live in denial.

Food, you are not going to be my pill of choice anymore. Your days of intoxication are over in my life. I am an intelligent person and I choose to be strong and not give into the temptation of covering up my emotional pain with your seduction anymore.

JMARIES51 SparkPoints: (72,819)
Fitness Minutes: (73,300)
Posts: 2,420
10/26/07 2:48 P

emoticon October 26, 2007

I have been on my Spark People journey for 2 weeks now and so it is time for me to start my journal.

I am realizing that this journey that I am on is going to be a moment by moment decision making process. I hope that by writing my thoughts in a journal I can go back and look at them and this will help me.

Today is Friday. I am looking so forward to the weekend. I have planned out my meals. Now I just have to execute my plan.

I still miss my morning coffee at Starbucks. I know I could get something that is non fattening, and it is my choice to not go there. I have replaced the coffee with green tea, and I do love the tea, but it isn't the same as a big fattening latte. Of course it isn't, it is healthy!!!!!

It is getting near the lunch hour so I am getting hungry. I am going to drink a huge bottle of water and see if this staves off my hungry feelings for awhile more.

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