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SPARK_COACH_JEN Posts: 65,575
12/17/13 6:40 P

Hi everyone

This thread seems to be going in a negative direction. You are welcome to share differing opinions if you can do so in a respectful way. If not, then I will have to remove the thread.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation,

Coach Jen

SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
12/17/13 4:03 P

My last post here. I'm not going to waste any more time with people who believe that telling someone who is asking for support or help is "whining" and who name call ("beast") as being "DIVERSE" Give me a break. You seem terribly bothered by someone asking that others please be kind, gentle, helpful. That is a terrible thing. Again, I never NAMED anyone, they named themselves.
As I said before- heaven help those you decide to "help".

I would try to sympathize with you - not allowed to mention why - so I won't. You know something, now you've gone and hurt me, gosh, my mom has alzheimers and is declining rapidly recently. When she goes I will loose my mom for the second time. So, really we shouldn't be mentioning family at all here for fear of hurting someone. Let's just call someone a beast. That's what seems to be acceptable. emoticon

Edited by: SAMMIESMOM13 at: 12/17/2013 (16:04)
4MYHEART4 SparkPoints: (380,147)
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12/17/13 1:48 P

Sammies.. remember this. The world is full of diversity. What is diversity? It's not only color, but also includes age, sex, where and how one was raised. With diversity always at play not everyone states things the exact same way, if they did then this world would be pretty dang boring. So just because you didn't like how someone stated something doesn't mean that how you took it was the way it was intended. Like trying stated.."own what you can control." You can't control how others state things, therefore there's no need to try and control.

To prove my point... I just lost my mother this past august and so this will be the first christmas without her and here you are bringing her up. My mother taught me that one doesn't go around talking about other's parents.

Edited by: 4MYHEART4 at: 12/17/2013 (14:39)
MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,459
12/17/13 1:03 P

As I read the rest of the explanations. It sounds like playing with her was not fun. And she spoiled the fun for everyone else.

I had a friend like that. She was spoiled by her parents and got everything her little heart desired, but she wanted yours and what you had. That was tough. I was glad when some new kids moved into the neighborhood and I could play with them instead.

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
12/17/13 10:12 A

^^ This.

FIRECOM SparkPoints: (0)
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12/17/13 9:55 A

No way I'm jumping into this one. My mom didn't raise any geniuses but she didn't raise any idiots either.

SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
12/17/13 9:42 A

4MYHEART4, I rather thought this was over but I see it's not. I read EVERY post, beginning to end. I named no names. I asked that people either support her, say something constructive, or not post. SP is SUPPOSED to be about support and help. Nasty comments and remarks are not part of that. Did your mother ever tell you if you can't say something nice don't say anything? If not, she should have. I totally agree, for this gal's sake (the original poster) she does need to move on and let it go. But there are simple and constructive ways to say that, not attacks. No one listens to attacks. They then get more hurt and more defensive.
When it was pointed out by me that people need to act in a civil manner, never mentioning names, Someone who obviously KNEW what she had been doing "let the cat out of the bag" and didn't like her OWN medicine. She can dish it out but she can't take it. If you think remarks to the original poster from her were helpful then you must be another attacker. Obviously you don't agree with me. And as for name calling, you also apparently think that is ok as well. I feel for the people you "help".

PS. As to "reading and comprehending" you need to look in the mirror. I quote myself -
"I DID read the whole thing, you were not nice thru out."

Have a nice, "helpful" day.

Edited by: SAMMIESMOM13 at: 12/17/2013 (09:47)
4MYHEART4 SparkPoints: (380,147)
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12/17/13 8:56 A

Huh? This post I'm writing right now is only the 2nd post I've made in this thread and I've never written to you before.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
12/17/13 7:49 A

4myheart4, I think you are the one who is only seeing what you want to and missing the whole point! But I'm not going to waste my time elaborating and explaining everything to you bcoz I know that you won't listen!

4MYHEART4 SparkPoints: (380,147)
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12/17/13 7:16 A are a work of art! You get defensive reading posts partially, therefore only comprehending what you want to and missing the whole point. You were even dusted off her back first but couldn't even comprehend that.

SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
12/16/13 9:15 A

Wow, you are a real name caller aren't you? Glad you're so happy with yourself. When the shoe is on the other foot and you are the one who gets some remarks you don't care for (I DID read the whole thing, you were not nice thru out. Just some remarks were beyond the pale of decency, as your latest remark to me- "So be gone you beast!" - your nastiness REALLY shows. Call me all the names you like. Water off my back from someone who finds it necessary to call others names and attack others to make themselves feel better.

PS. Thanks for letting everyone in on who was attacking. I never named anyone. I just requested that if you can't say something nice or constructively helpful please don't post.

Edited by: SAMMIESMOM13 at: 12/16/2013 (09:19)
TRYINGTOLOSE64 Posts: 93,051
12/16/13 9:01 A

You are the only one attacking without reading everything. You have absolutely no value to me. So be gone you beast! My health and wellness is much more important to me then your lousy opinion.

Edited by: TRYINGTOLOSE64 at: 12/16/2013 (09:01)
SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
12/16/13 8:57 A

TRYINGTOLOSE64, you can try and back peddle and justify all you like, but things like this quote are nothing but nasty and attacking...

"But if that's what you want to do then more power to you and your whining."

TRYINGTOLOSE64 Posts: 93,051
12/16/13 8:49 A

Janie, I agree but one has to love themselves first.

As far as the rest:
I may have sounded harsh to some, but that's part of the problem with the internet. You don't hear the tone of voice and all facial expressions are unable to be put into print. If you really read everything that was said you will see that I mention own control what one can control and get over the rest. That's for the sake of her health and wellness. Dwelling on the past is detrimental to one's health and wellness, so if the past is bothering someone they need to deal with it in order to move on to a healthier future. We aren't therapist on here and sometimes people need more help then can be given on here especially since too much is missed.
I have had a lot happen to me in my past, but for my own health and wellness I have dealt with it and moved on. This is coming from someone who has been bullied all of her life even by her own family. But I'm not about to sit her dwelling on it. I don't have time for that and my life is more valuable then that.

Edited by: TRYINGTOLOSE64 at: 12/16/2013 (08:59)
JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (565,740)
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12/15/13 10:42 P

Many times, all "mean" kids need is LOVE!!!!! We all need to love one another. God bless each and every one of you on this Christmas season!!!!

ZZYYGGY3 Posts: 2,398
12/15/13 10:28 P

Well said Sammie'smom. It's become way to harsh in here, and critical. I agree with the others Eowyn that you should put it behind you, but also you did nothing wrong. big hugs all around though.

SAMMIESMOM13 Posts: 6,297
12/15/13 10:22 P

I am appalled at the remarks made here to a person who has done nothing to anyone but who was asking just for some help in dealing with her hurt from many years ago as a child. She did absolutely nothing bad or hurtful to this other girl, she simply stated that this was still bothering her. I can agree she needs to put it behind her for her own sake. But when someone comes here to SP looking for a place to be open and honest and then to be ATTACKED by others who didn't really even read all she had written before striking out at her. I just can not believe some people's self-righteousness. They have done harm where she has done none to anyone other than perhaps herself. Before you get on your high horse and judge others, look in the mirror. I am sure you are not quite as perfect as you seem to think you are. If you have nothing nice or helpful to say but merely to attack please refrain from speaking at all.

TRYINGTOLOSE64 Posts: 93,051
12/15/13 10:28 A

eowyn, but you didn't put your foot down. Instead you gave her your racquet and control of you and what you did. Therefore rewarding her bad behavior. This is what you have to accept as something that you could've done differently and not allowed her to be the spoiled brat that ruined it for everybody. You really do need to seek therapy for this along w/your self image issues that you have. I've seen the other posts that you've made about your figure that is to die for.

GONNALOSE5 Posts: 975
12/15/13 9:24 A

I think sometimes we see kids and adults as mean when they are not, right or wrong, they simply take advantage of the opportunity in front of them. As a child and still today, I let things slide because they don't seem all that important to me, these people, kids or adults, see it as something else. As a youngster I was taught to share, I still do it today and some take advantage. Sadly, they see an easy mark or an easy target rather than a nice person. When I realize a person is taking advantage of me I just say no more. I recently had to do this. I have learned that gentle people are often believed to be soft touches, for the most part we are, but along the way we learn to keep our backbone strong and how to handle the mean kids.

Edited by: GONNALOSE5 at: 12/16/2013 (06:44)
EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
12/15/13 8:51 A

But I did say no, in fact, I even stopped playing in the neighborhood! I only played in school after that. I'm not whining, just giving you the facts. Otherwise I WOULD be a pushover for letting false accusations slide!

I'm just sorry that the neighborhood games had to stop bcoz of her!

Edited by: EOWYN2424 at: 12/15/2013 (08:55)
TRYINGTOLOSE64 Posts: 93,051
12/15/13 8:30 A

You are a pushover because she'd beg and whine and you'd give in. Now as an adult you are calling her a mean kid when you allowed it to happen and you complain like she bullied you. She wasn't the least bit a bully especially when she was a spoiled brat and you spoiled her even more by giving in. I was bullied as a child and still get bullied as an adult but I'm over it and don't dwell on it because I'm out to take care of myself. The thing is to own what you can control and to move on from those things that you can't control. You could've controlled that situation by saying "no" with your foot put down. Instead you're here now complaining about how she treated you.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
12/15/13 8:01 A

Excuse me, but why do you keep saying I'm a pushover. I only lent her my racket sometimes. And when I wanted it back, I asked and she handed it back. Then when I got sick of her behavior, I withdrew. Problem was, she made the atmosphere so sour that in the end no one wanted to play!

And I'm not whining. I'm discussing the problem to get it out of my system. And I only posted back bcoz I was maligned and misunderstood, so I gave further explanation. If you can't be supportive, why excaberate things?

I was just being kind, as opposed to someone accusing me of not wanting to share. Well, you're wrong! On the contrary, I was more charitable to her than she deserved! When I knew what her game was, I started riding my bicycle for exercise instead. Even the guy we played with didn't want to play with her anymore!

Edited by: EOWYN2424 at: 12/15/2013 (08:21)
TRYINGTOLOSE64 Posts: 93,051
12/15/13 6:55 A

No she kept borrowing your racquet because you kept allowing her to. Her parents probably told her the one word that you should've used...."NO!" with the foot put down. She learned all she had to do with you was to whine and she'd get her way. Now quit dwelling on the past ...forgive and forget and move forward with the future.

BTW, you have yet to state why it's her fault that you were a pushover. But like I basically said get over it and leave it in the past. You are damaging your own health and well being dwelling on this. But if that's what you want to do then more power to you and your whining.

Edited by: TRYINGTOLOSE64 at: 12/15/2013 (07:03)
EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
12/15/13 12:13 A

This girl happened to have rich parents and lived in a big house. She also had several elder siblings she could have borrowed a racquet from. She just kept borrowing my racquet bcoz it was convenient. In the end, I just refused to come out and play when I saw her outside my gate astride a shiny, expensive bicycle!

If she can have such a nice bicycle, I see no reason why she can't have her own badminton racquet. Anyways, I'm sorry if I came across as selfish or mean, but the problem wasn't me, it was her attitude and laziness to go to the store and just buy a racquet. As there was absolutely no reason why she couldn't as she even told me that she had a generous allowance from her parents!

She was just taking advantage of me. I did refuse to lend her my racquet at times, but she would just beg and whine, but only to me, she never did that to the other kids. I did suspect that she had a crush on the boy that we played with but why chase him with my racquet? There was no reason for her to do that unless she just wanted to stop me from playing with him. Maybe she was jealous and this was her sick way of having him all to herself but honestly, I didn't care who I played with as long as I got to play!

I wouldn't even have minded playing with her if she had a racquet!

Edited by: EOWYN2424 at: 12/15/2013 (00:21)
AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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12/14/13 2:24 P

How is it the other girl's fault that you were a pushover? If this was such a *big problem* for you, why didn't you just say no and not let her borrow your racket?

Anytime we have a challenge in life, large or small, we can look to find a solution and actively do something to fix the problem, or we can complain about it, whine, mope and do nothing. Which kind of person do you want to be?

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
12/14/13 11:53 A

I don't know...for some reason this reminds me of when I took my Aunt shopping and she had dropped her list.

I found it, this couple had picked it up. As I approached to ask them for it, I heard them making fun of it, because of the handwriting - it looked like a 2 year old had written it. Seriously.

My Aunt is a stroke survivor, and we just happy she is alive. It was an extremely bad stroke, and she can barely speak or write, but trying to create a shopping list was so important to her.

Anyway, maybe just be glad you did have a racket when you were young.

BUSYGRANNY5 SparkPoints: (517,554)
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12/14/13 11:44 A

Well...there is so much I'd like to say here, but won't... as this topic is NOT deserving of too much time and energy....suffice to say that MEAN is too often in the eye of the beholder...

AMANDADAY63 Posts: 1,565
12/14/13 11:34 A

wow, I think this is the first time I have had the (dis)pleasure of seeing such a self serving, egotistical message board topic....
the original poster is lucky she was given an opportunity to have adequate toys/sports equipment...I grew up using round pebbles as marbles, big sticks as bats, and we (the kids in our neighborhood) often created elaborate games that did not require the presence of store-bought equipment because none of us had the luxury of such items....and yes, I was a child who would have begged to play with your doll, your soccer ball, your cool stuff because we just didn't have any of it in our home....does that make me a parasite? My dad worked 2 full time jobs, we all grew up dirt poor, and we had absolutely no likelihood of an allowance, being grateful many weeks that we had adequate food on the table and the bills paid (I laughed at that comment you made about the girl needing to use her appear so out of touch and self absorbed when you make such comments), but that didn't mean we didn't aspire to at least have an occasional opportunity to handle such magnificent toys, even if we would never own them.
Maybe the little girl you are so aggrieved at was socially inept, maybe a social outcast for some reason, but nothing in your email suggests that she was a mean girl. Did she bully you into handing over your racket? Did she refuse to hand it back? Did she break it? It really sounds more as if you didnt want to share, you didn't like not being able to physically play with your other friends while she had your racket...It is a shame that you have allowed something like this to color your view so negatively
Of course, none of us know the back story to this, but if this memory still causes you to feel so strongly, I would suggest some therapy before it poisons you again...if I saw a kiddo without a toy and I had the means to help, you can bet I would....kindness costs you so little, and one day you may be dependent on someone to help you....
your post truly saddens me :(

SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,271)
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12/14/13 11:01 A

I was not going to comment on this thread but I guess now I will. We all have our own idea what a "mean kid" is, I guess. While it might be annoying that she always wanted to borrow YOUR racquet, my best guess is she had some other issue rather than being mean. Borrowing someone's racquet is not mean even if it is possibly taking advantage of one's kindness.

My idea of "mean kids" is back when I was in kindergarten and first grade. Kids would say (my last name, not my first name)...."Here's Suzieque's fleas..and they would touch each other with the supposed fleas, screech with horror, and then pass "my fleas" to the next kid.

Now that is mean. I would do just about ANYTHING to spare any young child from being subjected to something like that!

Edited by: SUZIEQUE77 at: 12/14/2013 (11:02)
SHERYLDS Posts: 17,367
12/14/13 10:19 A

when I was a child, comic books were less than a quarter ($.25). My parents refused to let me buy I used to read them at my friend's house. We weren't that poor, they just didn't believe in spending money for that kind of stuff. But when you are a kid, you rely on what your parents will or won't buy for you.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
12/14/13 9:51 A

Sorry, I didn't mean to dredge up the past but this bad memory really ticks me off! I don't know why she used me that way, but what I'm trying to get across is this : badminton racquets are so cheap that even a child with a small allowance can afford to buy one! Just don't get a championship one, of course! That will cost a lot more.

Therefore, it just doesn't make sense for her to keep borrowing mine when she can so easily get her own!

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,367
12/14/13 9:07 A

EOWYN2424 ...I have always found your threads to be kind and I don't understand this one topic at all. Maybe the kid was slightly autistic. Maybe the kid always asked you, because You were the one she liked most. Maybe letting her play with the group helped her feel she belonged. Maybe the group could have taken turns lending her a racket . You can keep remembering things in the past with a negative slant, or you can learn from the past and see how to make things better.

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 12/14/2013 (09:10)
TRYINGTOLOSE64 Posts: 93,051
12/14/13 8:06 A

One doesn't know what goes on behind the closed doors of other people's homes. Not to mention what you feel is right for that child may actually be wrong, It's just your opinion and that's all it is an opinion. Opinions have absolutely no monetary value, therefore should not be forced on others. As far as your past, it is exactly that...your past, time to be an adult and forgive and forget. Dwelling on the past will only ruin your health and future. So be an adult and move on.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
12/14/13 2:21 A

I am sorry but I don't agree with some of you!

How would u feel if you had a racquet but you still didn't get to play bcoz someone always wants to borrow yours? It doesn't seem fair to me!

It wouldn't be so bad if everyone clubbed together and took turns but she always wanted to borrow mine! I still think that she was taking advantage of my kindness!

UMBILICAL Posts: 12,786
12/11/13 3:33 A

They're everywhere!

ANDILH Posts: 1,543
12/11/13 1:29 A

Looking back on things as an adult can bring a different perspective on things. Sometimes we are still stuck viewing them through the eyes of whatever age we were and feel all the righteous indignation that we felt at that age. Sometimes we're able to see how or why something might have happened the way it did. We can never know the reasons another person has for anything unless we ask. Even if it's easier to assume the worst, unless we've got a really good reason to believe otherwise, it's the kind thing to do to give people the benefit of the doubt.
When I was a kid I lived on a street where there were lots of kids of all ages who would play together primarily based on who was available at any given moment. When we wanted to play baseball we always had to hope that one of the two kids who owned bats could come out to play since no one else on the street owned baseball bats. Sometimes they would let us use the bats even if they couldn't play. I think there were about 5-6 mitts for 15-20 kids. Somehow we made it work. We didn't all like each other, but we wanted to play so we figured it out. Because that's the way things have to be sometimes. Looking back, I sometimes can't believe how we were able to make do, but I'm grateful to have had the experiences.

AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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12/11/13 1:07 A

This says a lot more about you than it does about the other girl.

What an odd thing to be thinking about 30+ years later.

This makes me think of the first time when I was living in South America, almost 20 years ago now. There was a little park behind the house where I was living and it had a small sand volleyball court with a rope net. There was a group of neighborhood kids who often played there. They did not have a ball at all--they just pretended to serve and volley. They had a fabulous time. Nobody was judging anybody else for what material possessions they did or did not have--they all were just having fun, enjoying life and relishing in the exercise and the friendship. It was really quite beautiful and it taught me a lot.

12/10/13 6:35 P

thank you both ONLYZOMBIECAT and SHERYLDS for your rational, kind responses.


emoticon emoticon

ANARIE Posts: 13,185
12/10/13 6:08 P

Can you even buy a single badminton racket? I've always seen them as sets of four rackets and a net. My thought was that whoever owned the net and invited others to play should make sure there were enough rackets for at least 4 children.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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12/10/13 5:42 P

SHERYLDS -- Once again my friend, you hit the nail on the head! Love that saying and will be using it often.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
12/10/13 5:33 P

You'll never know the real reason why she asked to borrow yours, maybe her parents wouldn't buy her one (that so would of been my parents, but then again I wouldn't of borrowed anyone's I just probably wouldn't of showed up to play if I knew they were playing that)... just let it go it was a long time ago... hopefully she has one now

SIMPLYME80 Posts: 406
12/10/13 12:37 P

I would have chosen another activitiy when she was around then played badmittion when she wasn't around since she didn't have a raquet. I once allowed someone use mine to be nice, and it ended up broken so I also was the one without until it was replaced.

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,334
12/10/13 12:10 P

Without knowing why the one girl didn't have her own racket, I don't think it is fair to call it mean behavior. None of you handled the situation very well.

You could say no to someone borrowing your racket while you are actually using it.
You could all tell the person without the racket that she needs to get a racket of her own or go home if she doesn't want to just keep score/watch. (a bit harsh but better than just thinking nasty thoughts about her)
You could all set up a turn taking system so everyone would get to play for a set amount of time.
You could play badminton when the person without the racket isn't there. The group could sometimes choose a different fun game that wouldn't constantly exclude the person without equipment.
If rackets are not expensive, maybe someone could just buy an extra racket to keep for people who show up without a racket. (At my house, we didn't expect everyone would bring their own racket for badminton so we had several in case people wanted to play.)

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,459
12/10/13 11:59 A

I always wanted to play tennis and I begged my parents for a racket. We were not bad off, but not upper middle class either.

My parents said no, because they believed it was a passing fancy and a racket and equipment would just take up space. Once the fancy passed

Come to think of it they were probably right.

On the downside, I never got the chance to become Stephi Graff and pay for their retirement.

Just putting another spin on the situation


Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 12/10/2013 (12:00)
SHERYLDS Posts: 17,367
12/10/13 11:53 A

Interesting dialogue here

So the kid who is constantly borrowing someone else's racket is a parasite, and pest. She should get her own racket. We don't know if she asked, and her parents didn't get her a racket. If she keeps asking to borrow the racket ...give her one right upside the head. How dare that kid want to join in.

who is being the mean kid ?

Happy Holidays and good will to all

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,614
12/10/13 11:17 A

I can understand what a pressure that was to you as a kid. I would have hated it too. My response as an adult would probably be to go and get that little girl a racket if I could afford it, so she can have fun without spoiling it for others.

LYNNIEV Posts: 394
12/10/13 11:00 A

I would have gladly given her my racket.... right upside her head.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (245,800)
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12/10/13 9:18 A

emoticon Sheryl emoticon

we all need a paradigm shift every now and then

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,367
12/10/13 8:50 A

sorry about your bad memories but
Maybe she always asked to borrow Yours because she felt the closest to you and thought you would be the nice friend who would lend it to her.
Maybe her parents weren't as generous as you think. There were a lot of things my parents didn't buy me, not because they could not afford it, but because they weren't interested in it. Comic books were one of those things.
And maybe the girl was trying to be friends and really didn't know how.

if you change the way you look at things...the things you look at change

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
12/10/13 7:28 A

When I was a kid, I used to play badminton. I really liked going to my neighbors' houses and we'll play. But there was one particular girl that was a parasite! It's not that her parents can't afford a racket, so I don't know why she always wanted to borrow mine. To the extent that I couldn't play half the time becoz she insisted on using my racket.

To make matters worse, I'd be having a good time playing with someone and she will butt in and demand to borrow my racket! It got so bad that in the end I stopped visiting and playing. I did ask her why didn't she just go buy or ask her parents to get her a racket! But I don't know why she kept being such a pest. In the end, no one wanted to play anymore.

I've forgotten about her until I saw some kids in my neighborhood today. There were 4 little girls. And one of them didn't have a racket. This just brought that old memory to my mind. I mean, geez! A badminton racket doesn't cost much. Why spoil the fun? Get your own racket!!!!

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