same situation as scrappy. my mother has BPD and when she found out we were engaged she refused to acknowledge it on a pathological scale and so my FMIL stepped up and helped with everything. now the wedding is a month and a half away and my mom has acknowledged (not agreed with or approved of) the wedding and handed me a 50+ guest list to add to the wedding my fiancee and i are paying for.... she's just exerting control over the situation but its a tough cookie that she waited so long to get involved and now she wont get those 50+ guests. they may be family but there are consequences for their actions. they are adults and should be held accountable and not let them hide behind their labels. the day of the wedding when my mother sees how much my fiancee's mom has done for me she will be really hurt that she didnt get involved but it is her own doing and no one else's.
Sometimes you just have to realize that this is who she is and not worry about it and live your life. My mother is the same way so I have had longer to deal with and get past her selfish behavior. I told her about my engagement over 2 weeks ago and haven't heard from her since. Now of course after she gets the invitation and finds out that my future mother in-law (who has called my fiancé at least 5 times asking if I need help to just ask) has stepped in to help and plan, she will probably sulk. This is her pattern and I don't expect anything less. It is sad, but my expectations are kept low so I don't get disappointed and won't get too upset over her behavior. You can't control or change her behavior, you can only determine your own reaction. Good luck as I know it is tough. Keep your eye on what is important though, your beginning with your fiancé and how you have the ability to not let her selfish way negatively affect that. He chose his future with you after all!!!!
Fitness Minutes: (4,395)
4/21/11 12:26 P
I also think you should try communicating. I have a mother who has a borderline personality disorder. and she is hott and cold. and you have to be "clear and Connected" Say something like. "I love you and your son, I want us to be a family, however, I feel very hurt from your actions, and I dont understand what is happening. could you work on this with me?" obviously in your own words. but you get the gist. make sure she understands she will be a part of your life. but let her know that she is hurting your feelings and making you concerned about your relationship.
Fitness Minutes: (3,378)
390 4/21/11 9:02 A
That sounds like something my future MIL would do...but she's hot and cold at best with me. I think in my circumstance she's not ready to let go of her babies even though he's 30 and his sister is 27. Best of luck though and congrats!
“A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself.”
4/11/11 9:34 A
I think that it is about time that we took that next step! I feel that sometimes parents try to live through their kids. What didn't work for them wont work for their kids...I don't know. They have come over for dinner, lunch we have gone out we use to work out in the mornings together.........but now I'm a stranger (don't get it)
I will not support the fat!!
4/10/11 9:13 P
Not a mind reader, but maybe she wanted to know WHY you decided to get engaged after 6+ years... what changed, etc.
Sounds like the communications skills are lacking between you two....
ï¿½We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.ï¿½ ~ Randy Pausch
"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." ~ Art Turock
"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good." ~ 7 Years in T
4/10/11 8:55 P
He told her but the point is we have been together for 6+ yrs this should not be a shocker! Sometimes she is all over me (m if she needs something)then the next I'm a stranger .......she has mood changes rapidly ...its sad I tell ya
I will not support the fat!!
4/10/11 8:49 P
That seems like a totally weird reaction. Did you tell her via text? How has your relationship been with her prior to the engagement? While again I think it's odd, I'd wait to see if she says anything else crazy before you and your fiance say anything to her.
4/9/11 8:48 P
Guys my guy told his mom that we got engaged and we haven't heard from here since that day ( the 7th)she sent a text that said "what, why" we have been together 6+ years......he seems said!! I feel that this is ridiculous!
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