Losing Weight Making Others Feel Bad?

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12/10/11 8:37 A

I know I felt horrible about myself before I initially lost my weight. I can't help it if a person feels bad about themselves. Losing weight is a personal decision and their decision to not make changes is not your fault, so why feel guilty?

Posts: 106
12/9/11 5:44 P

Those kinds of comments actually make me feel good about my weight loss. It brings into perspective how difficult it really is, the commitment it takes and how happy I am to be succeeding at it. I do use comments like that as a springboard to encourage the person making them.

Posts: 6,501
12/9/11 5:02 P

Yes, I have a friend like that also. She brags to others about my success and says, "It didn't work for me." The problem is that she did not totally apply herself to the process and would rather be fat than deal with her husband's snide remarks. It's her life, but I don't feel guilty.......she just REALLY makes me look thin.

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12/8/11 11:38 A

I'm sure many of us have at least one friend like that, including me. I look at it a different way though. I don't feel that she is jealous or even feeling inadequate to me, I KNOW my friend is not happy in her body and wants to do something about it but is somehow stuck where she is and I think that my having lost 70 pounds and kept off 60 over the past year serves as a constant reminder to her that she CAN do it.

When SHE's ready.

Don't let go of your success. Be her role model. Be her inspiration.

Posts: 10,776
12/8/11 7:53 A

do you feel bad or guilty that her favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate? or that her favorite painter is Rembrandt? her opinion is not something that you can change. before you were ready to lose, you probably said some similar things yourself. you can't change people's opinions because you want to, they have to get themselves into a head space where they want it, and they want it enough to work for it.

can i also put a bet down that if you don't send her the chocolates next year, she complains about how much she and her daughter always looked forward to them and how sad they were about not getting them?

Posts: 8
12/8/11 5:29 A

Thank you everyone...these posts are great. I needed the re-enforcement :)

Posts: 11,476
12/7/11 10:55 P

How people feel when you tell them you lost weight is not your responsibility. If we never moved up and bettered ourselves because it might make someone might feel bad, then we wouldn't get anywhere.

Just say Thank You, you can do it, too. Using a website called Spark People

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12/7/11 6:27 P

You are no way responsible for how other people feel. No one "makes" anyone feel bad about themselves. They are responsible for their own feelings. This is with anything, not just weight loss. You can offer your help and support to them if they ask, but sometimes I find that people just want to feel bad about themselves and do not want to change.

Posts: 5,321
12/7/11 6:13 P

I tell them the truth. You have to find it within yourself to loose the weight just like I did. I can't do it for you. I feel so much better than I have in years. Then I tell them what I have done and tell them that you can do it too.

Posts: 1,488
12/7/11 6:11 P

No way should you feel guilty or allow others' reactions to influence your decision to take care of yourself. After all, if your best friend wasn't able to quit smoking and you had, would you take it up again just so they would feel better? I really doubt it!

Read, and re-read, Archimedes' post whenever you start to feel "guilty".

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12/7/11 6:01 P

Well...personally there is a nasty, mean part of me that takes joy in that kind of thing. So I don't really view it as a problem, but I can understand where you are coming from

Personally, I always come back with, "So you wanna work out/race me then?"

It seems to stop the comments.

Posts: 2,276
12/7/11 5:50 P

not me

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12/7/11 4:14 P

I've had this happen to me. Although, one situation was interesting. I had one woman who hadn't seen me in a long time rave at how great I looked. I thanked them. They then asked me how I did it. I swear, they looked crestfallen when I told them that I was eating right and getting some regular exercise. It's almost as if they wanted me to tell them I took a pill and the weight disappeared. I really wish weight loss was that simple, but it isn't. Unfortunately, people (and I was one of them) are looking for that miracle weight loss cure that provides overnight results with no work. ditto, not that easy.

I would tell your friends that there is no need to beat on themselves. Be honest, tell them you started with simple things you could change and progressed from there. They don't need any fad diets, gimics or pills. They just might need a little structure. Then I'd tell them about Spark People.

Here's the thing they you don't really read about in the "diet" books. You don't hear about the need for support. Some times, while we have the best intentions, we don't have a good support system to back up those intentions. which brings us back to Spark People. A great place to learn healthy habits and get support when it's needed.

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12/7/11 4:03 P

You can't base your weight loss on how other people feel about it or react to it. You should be doing this for you and only you. If that is how people react than that's their problem. You're getting yourself healthy and they have the same opportunity. If they choose not to then that's their own fault and you shouldn't feel bad about that.

Posts: 1,080
12/7/11 3:58 P

Sounds like their problem not yours. They feel bad because they can't seam to lose, I hate to say jealous. If it is the first reason i gave """Tell them about Spark""". It is the first one that has worked for me. I actually had to eat more and I'm doing a few exercises and it is working like a charm.

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12/7/11 3:40 P

I say just start by making small changes like mustard instead of mayo on your sub and whole bread instead of white or substitute one can of soda a day for water try it for a month and it makes a heck of a difference.

They either try it or they stop asking either way it works for me

Posts: 11,251
12/7/11 3:35 P

I try to offer them to workout with me. Something like:

Them: I could never do what you do, never run the distances you do, etc.

my response: Ill run with you at whatever pace for however long. Then we can run these crazy things together. Come take a dance class with me. Ill teach you all these hot moves!

Posts: 1,328
12/7/11 2:46 P

wow i experienced this just yesterday with my best friend of 25 years!!

she is terribly overweight and always has been...her weight goes up every year and i hate it for her but she has never once tried or even talked about gettin healthy. i myself have tried time and time again over the years to lose weight. she's watched me diet, workout, anything and everything and NOT ONCE has she jumped on the train with me. she compliments me when i do well and tries to encourage me and at the same time says things like "im fat and happy"..."im just a fat girl"...blahblah. like shes happy with herself when i know shes not. she is also SUPER SENSITIVE about everything..i mean everything. so i know not to talk about her weight or else we're in a crying fit for weeks on end.
so yesterday...i had sent her and her daughter an xmas gift from Swiss Colony...some petit fours and bon bons...these are both of their favorites and i get them every year. and when she called to say thank you she told me "gee thanks...you are working out and losing weight so you send me the little cakes so i can stay fat!"
what the heck. seriously. i know i cant win with her but its so sad and frustrating. i mean.. i cant save her from her weight.. i cant fix it for her. she knows i would LOVE for her to join me in weight loss but she doesnt want to. so why does she have to try an make me feel guilty for doing it for myself?
honestly...i dont know how to deal with these types of people either. i guess we shud try and distance ourselves from them but for me...this is a 25 year friendship. i dont want to shut her out of my life becuz im losing weight and she isnt but it also isnt fair to feel guilty for all my hard work. heck if know. i love her in spite of herself but sometimes its very very hard.

Posts: 8
12/7/11 2:30 P

Hi,
Just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences as me...
With certain people who have noticed my weight loss, they are very nice to compliment me on it, but then turn around and say something terrible about their own bodies (i.e "You look so good! God, I hate my body"). This makes me feel horribly guilty, and I think it's one of the reasons I've failed at weight loss in the past...not wanting to make others feel bad about themselves.
If you've experienced this, what helps you through it?
Thanks!