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JLEMUS1 Posts: 4,054
8/3/13 9:08 A

I saw the show and I think the guy felt threatend because she was taking control of her life and moving up and he was happy just being stationary. It kind of happened to my daughter luckily my daughter saw through it dumped him!! She has moved up and he is still not doing anything with his life. But it is something to think about although she was very happy at the end.

GOALWTIN7 SparkPoints: (2,121)
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8/3/13 1:46 A

Some of these answers have been so thought provoking for me. Never thought about the change in the partner to no longer going out to his favorite high calorie restaurant when he never had a weight problem or adjusting to his partners new way of cooking or now being at the gym a lot to exercise which they may not have done before. Thanks for your answers.

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (555,399)
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8/2/13 11:16 P

It's sad, but it does happen.

CSROBERTSON621 SparkPoints: (194,365)
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8/2/13 8:34 P

Did not break up over it, but it did cause stress on my marriage. It was not so much the loss so much as the the overhaul in lifestyle that changed a lot of things for him too.

He's actually been very supportive overall, but I can see how I had to ask him to make a lot of changes himself in order to help me. We used to dine out a lot, for example, and our food choices at home are now very different, not to mention the time/effort I have to spend exercising, thinking about nutrition, etc. in order to maintain my new weight. It's not at all easy to maintain a large loss -- part of the reason most do not -- and it requires a certain level of selfishness in order to do it. I imagine that can be hard on one's partner at times.

8/2/13 8:17 P

I can totally see people breaking up when one person loses weight- especially if the other is not on board with it. When my fiance and I first started dating, we bonded over our mutual interest in the bar scene and going out with friends- which led to many late night dinner dates, fast food runs, mindless snacking, and an extra 20lbs. I got to the point where I was really unhappy with my body and decided to make a change. Fast forward to a few years later, and I am working out regularly and trying to eat right most of the time. Sadly, future hubby is still not on board with getting healthy himself:( It took us a while to figure out new ways to connect with one another that didn't involve food. I had to learn not to be resentful of him when he brings home bags of chips or candy and eats them in front of me. He had to learn to put up with me coming home from the gym at 8:30 at night 3 days a week. We both had an adjustment period that was hard to move past. Luckily, we made it through but I can completely understand how some couples might not. As with friendships, a lot of relationships also revolve around a shared connection to food or food related interests. (Think football game tailgating here). As some of us drift away from friends who are not supportive of the change, I can understand how some relationships drift as well.

GEVANS7 SparkPoints: (278,031)
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8/1/13 5:59 P

I lost girlfriends when I lost weight. They treated me differently, said rude things, tried to "fatten me up". I realized they were never really friends, just casual neighbors and I didn't need their negativity. - But they dropped me.

I know people are threatened by change.

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
8/1/13 1:19 P

I see a lot of people change after they've lost weight and I've seen a lot of break ups over it. I worked with a few women way back in the day that lost major amounts of weight and thought they could do better then the bf or hubby they had or just dressed to risque for their liking.
They started showing off their bodies more and I mean really risque dressing one did and she was married and her hubby was very conservative and he even got into some fights cause of the way men would act with the wife AROUND HIM they didn't care she was married and the sad part neither did she.
I'm glad my hubby loves me for me and I love him for him, I'd never disrespect my hubby and wear anything to revealing because I'm not trying to impress other men, just my hubby.
Sometimes I think respect is lost when someone loses all that weight they think it's all about them and they forget who has stuck by them thru the heavy years.
But I don't think a man should or a woman for that matter should feel threatened because their bf/gf , wife / hubby wants to improve their health by going to the gym. I saw that Extreme weight loss show, she's better without him.
You signifigant other should support you to get healthier, even that girls mother on the show didn't want her to lose weight.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (240,808)
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8/1/13 12:37 P

one of the episodes of My 600 Lb Life showed a married couple who divorced after the wife got to a 'normal' size. Part of that was because she had needed him to do everything for many years...once she could do things on her own, he didn't feel needed.
He had also cheated on her for years, and continued to do so during her surgeries. Like Archimedes said, there were problems all along. The changes just added new problems, and independence for the wife. She could tell him to get out - she didn't HAVE to have somebody around to take care of her any longer.

8/1/13 12:35 P

My husband and I had an argument about my weight loss just a couple of days ago. We aren't breaking up, but I can see how that kind of tension can lead to the end of a relationship.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (195,936)
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8/1/13 12:23 P


I know there are many people who are insecure when a loved one loses weight. they might wonder if that person loses interest in them when they lose weight. that has happened lots of times before. Of course, how many husbands divorced their wives because they said they gained too much weight ?

I know we say that when we lose weight, we won't change as a person. that we'll be the same, but that's not entirely true. Lots of us did change when we lost weight. And I'll bet in some cases, that did cause problems with the relationship.

We want good things to happen when we lose weight. but, that isn't always the case. Some people have lost relationships when they lost weight. I know that's shallow and people shouldn't base their relatonships on looks, but it does happen.

My thoughts ? It seems to me that there must have been more going on in this relationship than the boyfriend being insecure. The girlfriend losing weight may have just been the trigger that set off a chain of events that led to the breakup of their relationship. I'll have to check out the episode online some time.

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
8/1/13 11:23 A

My ex-bf got moody becoz I could do more reps with his weights than he can.

He said : "Great!!! Even my gf has more muscles than me!". LOL!

That's not the reason we broke up though.

8/1/13 10:56 A

Some people don't like change in a relationship because it means work for them to look better too. Another thought would be that they are threatened by their spouse/partner that they are getting more fit or losing weight so that they can eventually look for somebody better.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (240,808)
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8/1/13 9:36 A

personalities can change due to weight loss too. The insecure anti-social heavy person might become more outgoing and confident as their weight drops.

LILLITH32 SparkPoints: (0)
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8/1/13 4:27 A

I broke up with a guy who threw a hissy fit over me going to the gym. He said, I don't like you going to the gym, you may meet a man there and decide he is better then me. I thought about it, and decided he was right - I could get a better guy. Good-bye jealous boyfriend. If someone has MAJOR issues with you trying to become healthier that you can't work out, get rid of him/her, they will sabotage your weight loss and emotionally hurt you.

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
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7/31/13 10:23 P

I would hope the person I'm involved with loves me for who I am, not for what I look like or what I weigh.

That being said, there are all kinds of things that attract us to others. We all like certain looks or traits...they attract us for whatever reason. If you are attracted to short, fat, green frogs don't date tall skinny mice! LOL

Weight is such a trigger issue for so many of us. I'm sure some of us will be dumped for losing weight, gaining weight or some other random reason.

A friend of mine jokes that her hubby married her for her boobs, her money and her hair. Then she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation ...good bye boobs, money and hair!

Fortunately, he wasn't as in love with the various parts that she had removed as he was with the total package!

HAPPYTUHA SparkPoints: (16,381)
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7/31/13 9:36 P


GOALWTIN7 SparkPoints: (2,121)
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7/31/13 9:36 P

Just watched reality show, "Extreme Weight Loss Edition." She was losing weight and her boyfriend broke up with her because she was looking too good. He said it made him insecure. I have seen this before that someone is threatened by weight loss. I guess that is why when women blog and ask should I start dating now or after I lose the weight. I think but never write it that it should be after you lose the weight. The man attracted to you at 300 pounds may not be attracted to you at normal weight for so many reasons. Your thoughts.

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