Fitness Minutes: (8,911)
1,861 5/29/13 4:16 A
I watched & know people over the years lose weight to find someone that would be attractive to them & then after they were with the other person they got bigger than they were before. What a joke,they destroy lives of their families,even breaking other marriages up thinking it would change them! Judy
Fitness Minutes: (279,169)
3,775 5/24/13 8:10 P
Can't answer that with a No because who can understand why some people do what they do? Maybe they have been psychologically hiding beneath the weight or lost their self confidence and, once they gain control over their eating habits and gain some self confidence, make some kind of life changing decisions?
5/24/13 7:57 P
I have definitely seen this happen, I think what happens is when someone really loves you for being yourself they don't care if you gain weight during the relationship and they treat you as they always have and once you lose weight some want more attention and even though they've been getting the same amount of attention from their partner it feels I guess exciting to be noticed by others. I had a friend that kind of explained it to me that way , she had a great hubby loved her dearly didn't care about the weight gain , but when she lost the weight she started getting more attention from others, they eventually divorced. She was stupid, because she's never found a good man after divorcing him and is miserable! He eventually married again and his new wife is thanking her lucky stars that my friend was stupid enough to give up such a wonderful man. Me ? I'm doing this so I can live a longer life with my husband even after 19 yrs together I can't think of anyone else I want to grow old with no matter if I became a size 6, my husband will always be my 10 and the man I'll love forever. I believe he was born for me and I for him.
Fitness Minutes: (2,918)
5/24/13 6:02 P
Umm absolutely not, if I wanted to leave I would leave, my weight has nothing to do with it.
Fitness Minutes: (57,761)
388 5/24/13 2:20 P
I'm sure it happens, but I also think it's the excuse for some. One of the pair wants to get healthy so they do, but the other one isn't on the same page. The insecurities of that one lead to feelings of jealousy, resentment, & self-pity, all things that can lead to the end of the relationship. Then the person "left behind" claims the other had it planned all along, to lose weight & move on.
Fitness Minutes: (7,400)
5/21/13 11:27 P
Not MY style!
Fitness Minutes: (314,207)
12,675 5/21/13 11:25 P
Fitness Minutes: (23,467)
5/21/13 10:33 P
I wanted to add that my husband and I have been together through thick and thin-- at my lowest (145) and my highest (245, when I was pregnant)-- and that our marriage has been strong and amazing through all of it. Our marriage is based on a lot more than my appearance, or his, for that matter. And he thinks I'm sexy no matter what. Which is kind of amazing. I love him.
Fitness Minutes: (281,604)
23,751 5/21/13 10:22 P
I feel if that was to happy that other issues where already present in the relationship. They probably wanted to leave, but didn't have the confidence in themselves to do it.
I have no idea if such a concept exists but people do things for all sorts of nefarious reasons, so guess there are those in the world who would specifically lose weight with a plot in mind to leave their spouse afterwards.
Seems like they'd just leave, weight or not, if the relationship was that shallow or crass.
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
5/21/13 4:31 P
Well I have heard of the converse.....a spouse has lost a tremendous amount of weight and the other spouse cannot handle the extreme change and it leads to a host of insecurity etc....the man left because he felt his wife wasn't the same person....
My DH and I are both health conscious, work out, eat well etc. as we need to set a good example for our son to follow....Happy to report he has in spades!
"I don't think anybody who's in a happy relationship is going to dump the spouse when they lose weight. If the relationship is good, the motivation for weight loss is to live longer and have more time together. But weight loss is sometimes a really good first step in getting out of a relationship that SHOULD end. "
Those are good points. People stay in relationships for many reasons other than love I guess and someone might be staying simply for financial reasons or health issues. The OP suggested that some people could be losing weight with the intention to leave their spouse or partner when they reach their goal. That is their reason for losing weight. I can see overcoming depression or becoming more confident with weight loss and getting out of an unhappy relationship but I would think it pretty rare that someone forms a plan to lose weight so they could leave their spouse or partner.
I did just that, but not because I lost weight did I leave him. I was young only 19 and he was abusive so I decided to give him the chance to stop being abusive or I was going to leave, so all I did was better myself and started exercising I went from a size 14 to a 9/10. I got right to where I wanted to and he did not change, so adios you idiot it was. I would have left him with being size 14 but that is the time frame I allocated for him to show change. It took about 5 months to take it off as he changed none. I left him my baggage, my size 14 clothes ha!
Fitness Minutes: (40)
1,065 5/21/13 10:52 A
I've heard of this and I believe there are a few actual cases. But I think it is extremely rare that someone loses weight with the full intention of leaving their spouse or partner only after the weight is lost.
I would imagine in some cases, they start to feel better about themselves and become more proactive about unfavorable circumstances and less tolerant of some of the spouse's habits which may lead to leaving them. But as the initial plan for losing weight, I highly doubt this is common.
I'm sure this is a thing, but I cannot fathom what kind of a person actively thinks this way. Why are they with someone when they have every intention of leaving that person as soon as the weight is gone?
Fitness Minutes: (24,093)
400 5/21/13 10:11 A
5/21/13 5:58 A
I just want to be healthier ! I'm not leaving anyone... been married for 40 years. :-)
My gf and I share a concern for our health and we help support each other all the time.
5/21/13 12:41 A
I don't know of anyone who set out to lose weight so they could leave their spouse but I know people who have split after the weight came off. I have a friend who gained confidence when she really dropped the weight. Men started to pay attention to her and her husband never once complimented her on all her hard work. He seemed to like it better when she was bigger because he thought he had her more to himself. They are still together but she says now she can understand why people would cheat or leave their spouse when they are getting positive attention from others and not from their loved ones.
I had to get healthy or I would die kind of thing for me.. for my ex hubby it was either him loosing weight or face a heart attack..
I changed due to my health reasons lost over 50lbs... my ex refused to change anything and of course that was not the only thing that lead us to a divorce.. it was just the main push line that made to break it.. and he still lives that dangerous life style to this day and complains about his health all the time.
I did marry someone who cares about health and its nice!
"I wonder why they wait to lose weight before leaving if they are so unhappy with that person?"
I think that for some people, it's how they realize that they have some power in life. Their whole life they've been told that they can't make it alone, and their whole life they've heard that they can't lose weight. When they do the impossible and lose weight, they realize that they can do the impossible and get a job and their own apartment and their own life.
There's also a practical aspect in the case of really obese people. If you're obese, it IS harder to get a job or to progress in the one you have. Obese people earn less money, so they're more likely to be dependent on the spouse's income. They have a harder time getting insurance, so until Obamacare, they couldn't change jobs (and a lot still don't know that they can now), so they couldn't move away if they left the spouse. Once you're no longer obese, you're more free to move and you're better able to support yourself.
And finally, there's the depression angle. Obesity and depression are linked; fix one and a lot of times you fix the other. Depressed people stay in unhappy situations because they don't have the energy to get out. When you come out the depression, you look around you and say, "OMG, what am I doing here? Let me out!"
I don't think anybody who's in a happy relationship is going to dump the spouse when they lose weight. If the relationship is good, the motivation for weight loss is to live longer and have more time together. But weight loss is sometimes a really good first step in getting out of a relationship that SHOULD end.
I think that realistically if the other spouse doesn't care about fitness or eating right when it is something that is really important to the one losing weight, the lifestyles become incompatible. What people eat and their chosen activity is a major part of someone's identity - if they can't share that with their spouse I can see how one might feel they don't have much in common anymore.
My husband and I have very similar health and fitness goals, so we spend a good deal of time talking about food and our strength training programs and what the scale says and how we feel. I feel like it's brought us closer together because even though we do different things at the gym, we have similar goals and feelings about our health.
5/20/13 3:11 P
I have never heard of anyone specifically trying to lose weight in order to be able to upgrade their partner for a better one, although I have heard of people changing their lives for the better (weight loss and other situations) and then the relationship breaks down. I think a few members who have already posted are right by saying that it's a confidence thing. I believe those people aren't happy in the relationship in the first place and it takes that confidence boost for them to realise that they can actually do something about it.
I think weight issues make us that much more hesitant to leave because a lot of times you you don't feel desireable...so you think you're lucky to have anything at all. Sometimes a lot of the bingeing went on Because people were unhappy and frustrated with relationships that just did not work. Change is very scary and Some people need to lose weight to get the confidence to make the change. And when they see they can change themselves, they realize they CAN change their lives. Meanwhile, I think you see a lot of sabotage going on when the SO realizes they may be losing control over the relationship.
But for those folks who think ...if they lose weight they can upgrade to a better partner....PFFT. They will probably get what they deserve
Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 5/20/2013 (15:36)
Fitness Minutes: (31,618)
5/20/13 2:04 P
I actually had the opposite situation. I left him...and then I started losing the weight. I think that may be normal though. I am not sure.
I absolutely think it happens. Sometimes, losing weight is what it takes for some people, especially women in abusive situations, to get the confidence to leave.
5/20/13 1:38 P
YES!! They are the fodder for my circle of friends as we see someone getting fit then we wait and sure enough once they get to a certain level of fitness they split up and immediately have a new SO...then the vicious cycle begins again as they then 'let themselves go'.
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