I have been there and done that - was married to an alcoholic for a long time. The drinking thing was not a big deal at first - it was HIS problem - we agreed on a couple of ground rules and he was able to follow them - the big rule was no drinking and driving (I would ALWAYS be willing to come for him if he was out and had been drinking - BUT getting a DUI would cost us money and maybe lives so he agreed and never once - even when working away from home - broke this one). But after a while, I started to behave a little crazy - I wouldn't share with him for fear I would make him drink, I would feel responsible when he did something stupid while drinking, I changed how I dealt with his drinking and it started falling apart and guess what else happened - I started piling on the weight because somehow I WAS now responsible for not only all of HIS problems, but the failure of our relationship. It has taken me a long time to get over those horrible feelings. Seriously though, he didn't really change - I DID.
Fitness Minutes: (31,553)
239 12/26/12 9:39 P
I think it may help if you find different types of motivators. Fear is a fantastic motivator, but it fizzles quickly and leaves you back where you started. If you find POSITIVE reasons to be motivated then you might be more apt to stick with it. Set small goals for yourself and you will find that creating goals and reaching them becomes highly addictive. It takes practice. Zig Ziglar said it best.. “People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.”
Fitness Minutes: (31,553)
239 12/7/12 8:44 P
I do alanon online. There is a great site where I have met tons of supportive people. It has meetings and chat rooms. www.stepchat.com
The day that I go off the wagon is a mystery to me as well. I think that I am so used to eating unhealthy that comes natural to me. When I wake up in the morning, I have great intentions but by the time I reach the kitchen, my vision gets blurred.
I am a perfectionist so I know that I try to make too many changes at once. Then I let emotional stuff get in the way also. I think I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.
If I could stuff my emotions in a bag and forget about them, maybe I would be ok.
I like the therapist suggestion also. I think that I will set this up. My job has an employee assistance program that allows me unlimited sessions for free.
Thank you all for your responses. They were right on. I wish you all continued success as well.
Fitness Minutes: (34,370)
22,453 12/4/12 8:58 P
CSJ522 - I can assure you that you CAN do this! I am wondering if when you usually start your journey if you start with lots of changes all at once, rather than using baby steps, to change only one or two things to start with, and only when your mind/body has gotten used to the changes, adding something else to the mix.
As far as your stressor is concerned, I am married to an alcoholic too, and have been for nearly 38 years. I fully understand the walking on egg shells at times. I strongly suggest that you find a Therapist who you can talk to. I can promise you that it can and does help to reduce the stress, and in your case may reduce your turning to food for comfort/support! For a couple years I went to one who specialized with drug/alcohol issues - they are there not only for the person with this disease, but also for the family members. Al-anon is a good one, and they also do on-line stuff if you would rather go that route. I know that often we didn't talk about anything at all to do with hubby and his drinking - sometimes it was just about what was going on in both (therapist's and mine) lives in general, and that was just as therapeutic.
Fitness Minutes: (14,252)
9,689 12/4/12 8:39 P
Well, tell us about what you're thinking on those days you quit. Is it something specific you've got in your mind? Do you miss something you're not getting? Do you feel like it's too hard?
Remember that weight loss isn't about the exercises you do, nor is it about perfection. It's about eating right, and having more good days than bad days.
Are you turning to food to cope with the tough times at home? I know how difficult that can be. Sometimes, when he takes a drink, I figure heck, why not have a slim jim? It's not as bad as alcohol.
But that's an unhealthy reaction. I have to find ways to cope that DO NOT involve eating.
Let's work on this together. :)
Fitness Minutes: (2,831)
922 12/4/12 8:18 P
"One day at a time" works for dieting too. Try to think of it as each day is the first day and when, not if, you blow it, start over again. Faltering isn't the end all, quitting is. Restart.
As for dealing with your home stressor, have you considered Al-Anon? If that is part of why you can't stick to a weight loss program, finding some other way of dealing with the stress of an alcoholic partner may take the focus off eating.
Fitness Minutes: (31,553)
239 12/4/12 7:09 P
I am sure that I am not the only one that is stressed out. I want to start my weight loss journey but after I lose 5 pounds, I quit. Usually this happens after a stressful day or a day when I don't have time to workout.
I am motivated by real hard, scary facts about how my body will be in 30 years if I am overweight, under-exercised and just plain unhealthy.
Background - Work a great job but go home to an alcoholic that can't decide whether he wants to stay sober. I think this is "weighing" on me - no pun intended.
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