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ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/18/14 5:09 P

emoticon ...ok I have a girl crush on Hendricks, she's beautiful and feminine. I don't know why I can't see myself like that. You're right the model type guys are jerks I need to stop wanting them. I can't settle for a thug, I'm not attracted to them at all so I'm just going to be alone for a while and get myself together. I will take your advice. Thank you so much.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (195,824)
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4/18/14 12:14 P

Hi, Only !!

I just wanted to throw out a name of a woman who wears a size 12-14 who is considered absolutely stunning. Have you ever watched the TV show Madmen ? Christina Hendricks plays Joan. She's got a really curvy figure. On the Paris runways, she'd be considered a plus sized model if not obese !! And yet, men LOVE her figure !!

We are our own worst critics. Flaws we see in ourselves, no one else sees.

Let me tell you about some of those "hot" guys in college, they aren't so hot. Sure, they might have six pack ABs, but they don't care about you or any other woman. In college, many (but not all) care about is how many women they can be with. They aren't looking for a relationship yet. They just want to sow their wild oats. And I'm not blaming them. it takes time to find the right person for that lasting relationship.

No, you don't have to settle for some thug ! You WILL find a nice man who will treat you with respect. However, the first thing you have to do is learn to treat yourself with some respect. If you can't love yourself, no one else will.

That's a hard lesson to learn, but something many of us had too.

What to do ? Start by accentuating your positives. And yes, we all have something positive to like about ourselves. What do you like about yourself ? start there.

ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/18/14 11:29 A

Lol Happy Belated Birthday!

Yes I want to love myself I really do. I'll get some professional help

Thanks for the hugs! :)

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (243,678)
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4/18/14 2:16 A

Ahhhh, what it is to be young :-) I was 60 last month!

We need to learn to not only LIKE ourselves, but to LOVE ourselves, too ..... warts and all! When we can do that, then others will be able to pick up on the positive rather than any negative aura that may be carried around with us. A Therapist will definitely be able to help with that.

BIG hugs,
Kris xxx

ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/18/14 1:46 A

I'm 23

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
4/17/14 11:07 P me, please...your gonna kiss many a frog before you find that prince. C'est la vie.

At my age....Christ, I'm still looking. And you know what? I'm fine with it. I look at is now as an adventure.

And I know it's hard, someone my age, talking to someone your age. But there is an old saying, and Lord knows it's true: "If I knew then, what I know now (I'd be different)".

Aye...I know it's hard. I remember being that age.

But listen.... Your overwhelmed. Your stressed. Your a bit depressed. And it's ok, hunny. Graduating collage is no small feat. And maybe you've seen all of your girlfriends be happy, an you are wondering, wtf?

Listen; relax and concentrate on yourself (maybe you think you've been doing enough of that. When is it time for you?). Graduate. Revel in that no small feat. Grow from that confidence. Congratulate yourself. Do the graduation party.

Then, in time....

Your gonna meet a man (or two, or three, or four) and you're gonna knock his/their socks off.

Trust me.

Edited by: EELPIE at: 4/17/2014 (23:17)
JCOW84 SparkPoints: (9,041)
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4/17/14 10:33 P

Congrats on your huge achievement! There are plenty of skinny girls out there who attract thugs and bad boys too - it's all about mindset. I think you are doing the right thing seeing someone regarding your self image, and once you are able to love yourself, no matter your size, nice guys will be coming around. emoticon

LOVEXAVIE SparkPoints: (42,806)
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4/17/14 10:28 P


If it's tough fitting that hourglass shape, consider using a tailor!
I'm not as lucky as you - I only have the bottom half of the hourglass.

Get your dress to fit you well where it counts, then have a tailor nip it in at the waist and, depending on the length (you are way younger than I), the knees.

You can accentuate a lovely hourglass shape properly and tastefully - no thug-inviting, "too-tight-over-exposed" stuff going on. You'll look like it was made for YOU, and in a sense, it is.

Go rock that party!!

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (243,678)
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4/17/14 9:46 P

Can I be cheeky and ask how old your are? This can obviously impact on how we think of ourselves, at times.

Kris xx

ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/17/14 9:41 P

That's a beautiful love story. It makes perfect sense...maybe that'll happen to me one day but its not looking good right now.

ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/17/14 9:39 P

I am being shallow I'm sorry. But the overweight guys be just as cocky as they model looking guys sometimes. I really don't know why I attract thugs..I guess because thicker bodies you desired in that Rap/Hip Hop world.

ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/17/14 9:23 P

Lol well thanks. Shopping for an hourglass figure is hard. Big hips and bust..clothes just don't fit right ugh. I'm going to go back to the doctor about my self esteem and image.

Thank you I will try to have some confidence :)

LOVEXAVIE SparkPoints: (42,806)
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4/17/14 8:33 P

EELPIE, I loved that story.
To the orig poster, congrats on your graduation! I am very happy and proud of you.
Enjoy your hard earned celebration.

You are young - enjoy. I guarantee when you look back in 30 yrs at your photo, you're not going to say, "Oh! I was fat!." Rather, you're going to say, "Oh! Look how young I was!" And you will see yourself through a kinder lense brought to you via wisdom.

Now - about those thugs!
If you are truly attracting these types, you need to find out it the shiny new grill you're sporting or that neck chain w/ the huge dollar sign? Ha-ha!
Maybe put more distance between where you hang out & where the thugs hang out.
Just a thought!

Now go and enjoy your graduation and CONGRATS!

BHENDRICK2 Posts: 1,207
4/17/14 8:02 P

i want to say don't lose weight to fit others idea of pretty you are awesome just the way you are instead focus on being healthy and making good food choices :)

EELPIE Posts: 2,700
4/17/14 6:39 P

Oh hunny. Why is being size 0 of any importance to you? Is it because it's what is touted in the magazine's?

They say grass is greener, and it must be I wish I had an hourglass figure.

I think...I hope...that when you get older you will realize what beauty is, and where is comes from.

I'm 45 (lol, my son is probably around your age)...but I'd like to tell you a true story, ok?

My ex was about 75-80 pounds over weight, and mostly bald. I remember our first date. He seemed nice...but....

Anyway, he really was nice, and had a great personality. So we went out again. And again, and again.Then I fell in love with him.

And he became the most beautiful man on the planet. Oh sure....there were hotter guys, but none did for me like he did.

He became beautiful to me. Not attractive. Not good looking. Not hot.


Does that make sense to you?

LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 4,690
4/17/14 6:22 P

Firstly, you need to start being kind to yourself. Stop hating your body and stop calling yourself fat, referring to yourself as a fattie and stop thinking you're not attractive because you are overweight. Stop equating being skinny with being worthy.

There most certainly are smart, attractive, men who are not so shallow as those men who just want skinny women. You are right. You are better off alone than with a shallow, superficial jerk of a guy who only cares about how you look or about your weight. As time goes by, these sort of guys will find fault with you as you gain weight during pregnancy, when your body changes as a result of pregnancy, when you get grey hair, wrinkles, etc. These are the sort of men who will cheat on you, blame you for it, divorce you, marry a younger woman and abandon you and any kids you've had with them (or, at the very least, they won't want to pay any child support).

You say you are currently attracting thugs and "fat guys." Well, if you are attracting thugs, you need to ask yourself why. Maybe it's due to your own low self-worth. So far as the "fat guys," I have to say that this is a rather mean way to think and talk about people. Not only do you need to stop calling yourself fat, but you need to stop being so mean as to call others fat and you need to stop judging the worth of other people by their weight. Just because a guy is overweight does not mean he's not a worthy person, a good person, attractive and smart (a person's weight does NOT affect their intelligence in any way). That overweight guy who you so easily discount may well be someone who would make an excellent boyfriend and, perhaps later, a wonderful husband and father. You're being just as superficial/shallow as those guys who you say only want skinny girls.

Edited by: LOVE4KITTIES at: 4/17/2014 (18:40)
SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (243,678)
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4/17/14 6:20 P

My Sweet - I can assure you that at your size, AND with an hour glass figure, your body is perfectly normal. You are NOT large by any stretch of the imagination.

I think that you may benefit from talking with someone who can help you with your mindset. Perhaps you could ask your Dr for a referral to someone who specializes in this sort of thing. They will be able to help you change how your mind perceives, etc., which will help you to be in a much better place.

As far as guys and weight is concerned, take a look around you. Look at women your size and over. You will find that YOUR rationale is way off base. Men DO go for a variety of shapes and sizes of women. It is the personality that works, and if a guy is to only go with women because of the woman's size, then I wouldn't want to be anywhere near the guy re relationships. They are shallow.

I'm glad that you found a nice dress :-) Wear it and STAND TALL with pride emoticon


ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/17/14 6:05 P

After all the replies I've decided not to do the Lemonade diet. Thank you for your input

ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/17/14 6:04 P

I've done this to myself. I've always equated skinny with beauty and I just can't get there. It just makes me obsess over food and size. That's how I developed the disorder. I want to be happy about graduating but I'm still fat..I hate it. I'll always be larger( size zero is never gonna happen) and it makes me so sad. I'm not even that big(size 12-14 with a hourglass figure) but still I hate it. I want the attractive, smart guy but they all want skinny girls, all I get are thugs and fat guys trying to talk to me. I don't like that. I'd rather stay alone than be with guys like that. I just want to be happy but I don't know how to accept this. It doesn't matter how many people say I'm beautiful I just look down and see fat :'(

I'm sorry I'm ranting/venting.....

Anyways I bought a nice dress for a woman my size and will try to feel good about myself on my special day. I'm happy to be graduating and moving on to the next phase of my life. I won't do the diet. Thank you

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (243,678)
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4/17/14 6:02 P

Detox diets are NOT the answer, and are often very unsafe. Below is a link to an article "Do Detox Diets Work" written by our own Dietitian Becky. Please read it, and then DON'T do this or any other detox.

If you feel you must appear slimmer, then buy a good undergarment. There are WONDERFUL for giving the impression that we are a size or two smaller :-)


JAMINURSE Posts: 3,932
4/17/14 5:20 P

No, no and no! Don't do it. The concoction sounds horrible. Not to mention the fact that you could cause some electrolyte imbalances. Detox's and fasts don't work. Enjoy your accomplishment and take care of your body.

SIMPLELIFE2 Posts: 707
4/17/14 4:02 P

What a horrible shame that you have been so brainwashed into believing how you look matters more than who you are or what you have accomplished. It's unfortunate that society and the media perpetuate the myth that a woman's worth is based on the size of her body. It's also sad that we buy into this message, even at the risk of are own health.

YOU ARE GRADUATING COLLEGE! What an amazing accomplishment. You stuck with it, worked hard and made it happen. Graduation is all about celebrating this milestone. Whatever your weight right now does NOT diminish this achievement.

No quick weight loss scheme is worth risking your health. You already had an eating disorder. Are you willing to risk your future with the possibility of a relapse.

I says put your focus on making the most of this milestone. Enjoy the parties. Network with professors and classmates. Focus on lining up that job. I'm not saying to ignore your nutrition and exercise plan, just not to make it a focus right now. Enjoy this moment. You earned it. Don't destroy it with some extreme dieting scheme bound to make you miserable.

Find a figure-flattering outfit, put your best face and smile forward and celebrate your graduation. Be proud of yourself for this, which has nothing to do with your size or weight. It says something about your mind and your character, both of which are much more important than a number on the scale.

You can continue to work on your weight loss and becoming healthier in a sensible manner that won't put your health in jeopardy.

4/17/14 2:56 P

That 'diet' was around when I was in college, and that is about 30 years ago. Didn't work then, won't work now. If you've already had an eating disorder, please focus on getting a healty normal eating pattern over weight loss. I very much agree with the others: get yourself a beautiful dress and be PROUD of your accomplishments! You have every right to!

B-LESS-ED SparkPoints: (27,960)
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4/17/14 2:28 P

The "drink" is just a fig leaf on the fast. You have seen that fasting is dangerous. There is no magic in the maple/lemon/pepper combo. You have spent years reaching the goal of graduation. Be proud of who you are RIGHT NOW. If the next thing that you set your mind on is getting to your ideal weight, that's great. Just remember that this is also a goal that will take time and effort.

Congrats on your graduation!! Woo Hoo!!! Good on you!!!!!

LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 25,752
4/17/14 1:19 P

"do you think that would be a good idea for fast weight loss that stays off"

Nope, because such a thing does not exist.
People who take it off fast put it back on fast.

Please don't do this!

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (195,824)
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4/17/14 1:15 P


I know you're feeling low right now, but that lemon detox WILL NOT help you lose weight. In fact, it will help you GAIN weight later !!

Doing this diet might help you lose weight by your graduation, but I guarantee that you will regain every single pound back plus extra. it is not a healthy way to lose.

Weight loss is a slow steady process that takes time. Realistically, if you do your best to eat right and watch your portions, you might lose 6-12 pounds. this assumes a 1-2 pound loss per week. Mind you, you may not lose anything and that doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

You can't force your body to lose weight. If you do, you'll be sorry. We all did this at your age. We all went on the quick fix diets and what happened ? We all regained the weight and ended up in the vicious cycle of gain, lose and regain.

What to do if you don't lose weight ?

My advice would be to buy a dress/outfit that flatters your CURRENT figure. don't buy something in a smaller size thinking you'll lose weight in time. You won't without damaging your health. Instead, buy something that flatters your figure now.

You know who Queen Latifah is ? How about Jennifer Hudson (when she was larger) or Mary McCarthy ? These are large women, but they know how to dress for their size. They don't wear clothes that are too tight. They wear flattering clothing and so should you. Wearing clothes that are too tight makes us feel fat. Wearing clothes that are too big makes us feel like a frump.

Wearing clothes that suit our figures will make us feel like a million bucks !

So, instead of spending money on some ridiculous diet that won't work, spend your money on a really nice outfit. And buy some SPANX or foundation undergarments. wearing the right undergarments will also help smooth out any lumps or bumps. Lots of women wear spanx or undergarments.

In short, don't ruin your health trying to lose weight fast. Instead slowly take off the weight so that you can go to the graduation with the glow of good health even if you're not the size you want to be.

ONLYBABY90 SparkPoints: (5,968)
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4/17/14 12:20 P

My college graduation in right around the corner(May 17th WOO) however I'm hating my body. I've only lost 2 pounds and right now I'm desperate. I don't want to look like a fattie in my graduation dress. I asked my thinner friend how she loses weight so fast for the summer she said she does the Lemon Maple syrup diet: fasting for like 10 days and only drinking this weird concoction of lemons, cayenne pepper and maple syrup. I want to do it but I'm scared I don't know what it'll do to my body. I tried "fasting" before but it was terrible and landed me in the shrinks office with a eating disorder and a bigger waist line than when I started it. However I don't plan to fast, I wanted to supplement 1 or 2 of my meals with the drink and you think that would be a good idea for fast weight loss that stays off

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