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Learning to take a compliment



 
 
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RENATA144
SparkPoints: (79,586)
Fitness Minutes: (27,544)
Posts: 29,117
4/20/13 1:28 P

I think that compliments add year to my life ! emoticon emoticon emoticon



BLUENOSE63
SparkPoints: (99,187)
Fitness Minutes: (75,820)
Posts: 2,932
4/20/13 9:12 A

I find it very difficult to accept compliments but am working really hard to look the person in the eye and just say thanks! Guess it will come with time



KKKAREN
SparkPoints: (210,615)
Fitness Minutes: (87,276)
Posts: 11,536
4/20/13 8:09 A

I also find it hard to take a compliment but love to give them. I try to compliment the sales clerk with a pretty blouse or the waitress with a nice haircut. If it brightens their day, it brightens mine.



JO88BAKO
SparkPoints: (157,109)
Fitness Minutes: (95,460)
Posts: 6,946
4/19/13 9:49 P

I find it hard to accept a compliment also



EOWYN2424
SparkPoints: (116,699)
Fitness Minutes: (18,505)
Posts: 5,666
4/19/13 9:11 P

I'm learning to take compliments too!!!

I always compliment other people! I'm always genuine but some people still can't take it!



RENATA144
SparkPoints: (79,586)
Fitness Minutes: (27,544)
Posts: 29,117
4/19/13 8:47 P

I LOVE complements !!!



TACDGB
Posts: 6,081
4/19/13 7:35 P

when I get a compliment I feel it's God's way of disputing all the awful things my abusive dad filled my head with. It's God's way of showing me the real me.........



BUNNYKICKS
Posts: 2,293
4/19/13 6:45 P

Nice post, Umbilical! emoticon



UMBILICAL
Posts: 11,281
4/19/13 6:31 P

Takes practice - bring on the compliments!!!!! LOL



ICEDEMETER
Posts: 698
4/19/13 4:44 P

Just something to think about --- what inspires you to compliment someone else?

I'm one who is comfortable complimenting friend or stranger, and it's always genuine. It could be because their attitude is so bright that it brightens mine, it could be because they are doing something that I admire, or it could be something about their looks or their attire jumped out at me and made me smile. I see a compliment as basically thanking someone for whatever attribute it is that added something positive to my day, really not much different from thanking someone for holding a door for me. From my perspective, it's just good manners to thank folks for being positive in my life.

If you look at it that way, you might feel a bit more comfortable in accepting a compliment.

Take "your waist is looking very trim" as an acknowledgment not of how you look, but as "I admire all the work you've been doing and it's inspiring me - thanks".

Really, most of us are pretty good at knowing which are the genuine (if sometimes awkwardly worded) compliments and which are the creepy, "I want something from you" manipulations. Most of us are also a lot more comfortable accepting compliments on what we DO as opposed to what we look like.

When you receive what you know is a genuine compliment, then maybe see if you feel better about accepting it as an acknowledgement of all of your hard work, and not as a direct comment about strictly your appearance.



SHERYLDS
Posts: 11,621
4/19/13 4:03 P

I think if you've been bombarded by toxic people trying to attack your self esteem, you start to internalize that talk and you do it, before anyone else gets a chance to (as if to get it out of the way....yeah yeah yeah, I know I'm fat). But when we start doing it often enough...it gets hard wired into us.

Love yourself at any size, but celebrate every thing you do that makes you feel good about yourself, and focus on those victories, not just at the finish line ... but all along the way.
And as for compliments...think of it as someone waving a flag of encouragement.



BUNNYKICKS
Posts: 2,293
4/19/13 3:58 P

I have been *really working at it* for at least a year... to just SAY THANKS AND ***STOP***.

The background chatter in my head ("ohhh this ratty old dress? pssh i look awful not good! well i suppose i'm not as ugly as a hairless chihuahua") still plays. I just don't let it exit my mouth.

What helped me to learn to take a compliment was trying to remember the feelings of the person giving it. If they give a compliment and you shuck it off, it feels bad for them. So out of courtesy for the compliment-giver, I let them enjoy the experience of *offering* the compliment by accepting it graciously with a thanks, and not dismissing it with my inner-dialogue of "thanks, but..."



BUNNYKICKS
Posts: 2,293
4/19/13 3:53 P

KJ i think it is always "odd" when a stranger offers up a compliment. I mean, if the sales clerk says "cute purse!" as i'm pulling out my bank card, ok. "Thanks!" But if she commented on my personal physical characteristics, it would feel strange. "You've got such great eyes!" errrr... uhm. hm. Thanks? And if she were a he, and the compliment was regarding my personal appearance - it really doesn't matter WHAT the guy looked like... "hey there ma'am, those are some nice legs you got there!" 0.0 yeaahhh ok then kthxbai!

If the person is KNOWN to me, then a compliment regarding physical appearance is generally fine (though - like the OP, and most of us - it's hard to learn to "take the compliment gracefully!"). But when it is guy-complimenting-girl and you mean it as a compliment-only, not a flirtation or trial-balloon-for-flirtation, it is best to stick to general appearance ("nice new haircut/great colour on you/looking good!") and not specific body-parts or anything that could be interpreted as a come-on. Unless you're trying to make a come-on! I wouldn't be put off by a "fat ugly" guy complimenting me! Unless he was doing is kinda Psy-style, all "heeeeeeyyy sexy lay-deee!" -facepalm- just no.





KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,787
4/19/13 3:40 P

It's EXTREMELY hard for most folks to take a simple compliment.

That said it's also hard to give one to a stranger....okay, let me rephrase that, it's hard for an ugly fat guy to give a compliment without seeming "creepy", how's that!?

I remember one of the first times I accepted a compliment with a thank-you from a snarky co-worker who did the classic "mean girls" thing and scoffed saying, "Well now, aren't WE confident." She's an idiot but I laughed anyway.



FEDGIRL4
Posts: 1,887
4/19/13 3:06 P

We all have those reactions or days or weeks or...

If you see her in the gym again, I would approach her to maybe apologize. You could say, "When you said "XXXX" yesterday, I'm sorry for my reaction. Thank you for your compliement. I really do appreciate it." Wish her a good work out, turn around, and go do yours.

Thinking good about your body is challenging especially if you have thought negatively for so long. Even when we start to look good, lose weight, have smaller clothes, at any minute now we will fail. Then you have to keep it up, lose more weight, get even smaller clothes, tone more, or people will think you're a loser.

Take a picture of yourself at your highest weight and biggest clothing size. Then a picture of yourself today. You may suprise yourself at how good you are doing.

Some people start with a positive image and good mental attitude then lose the weight. Others need to start with the other end to gain that positive image about themselves.



KENDILYNN
SparkPoints: (9,741)
Fitness Minutes: (13,023)
Posts: 648
4/19/13 2:54 P

I know I'm not the only person struggling with being okay with myself and my body as it is today, but why is it so hard to take a compliment?? I work hard every day to stay healthy, but I have a hard time receiving recognition for what I've accomplished. Today a woman at my gym told me my waist was looking very trim, but did I say "Thank You"? Nope! My first thought (which I blurted right out, btw) was, "Oh that's just because my a$$ is so big, anything would look slim by comparison." And the worst part is that I really do think of myself and my body that way. I would never look at another person and think that about them, so why is it okay to talk to myself that way? I really need to learn to see myself through other people's eyes, shut my trap when it comes to the negative, and learn to say "Thank You."



 
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