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Fitness Minutes: (7,114)
39 2/14/11 9:04 P
I can relate. I have 2 kids from my previous marriage. But they know their dad is a load of BS. I never talk about him or say anything bad but they caught on by themselves. We have joint custody too but it's only enforced (on his part) when he's got a girlfriend to prove things too. I get the same thing that I take all his money (funny because he doesn't even pay child support).
We are cordial with each other and that's great, but my ex is VERY fake and manipulitive. My son is almost 5 and just knows that he loves us both. I am a product of divorced parents and I never saw my dad, so I don't want that for my son, but I take a page from my own mother. I NEVER say a negative thing about my ex to my son or around him. I think it's wrong to put kids through that bs. I just tell him that he has 2 families that love him so much and how lucky he is because some kids only have one house and he has 2. I'll never stoop to that level because my son deserves better than that. I know I won't always be the popular parent since I don't spoil him like my ex, because when he's older, he'll realize that I did what was best for him.
Fitness Minutes: (2,801)
573 2/10/11 6:37 P
My friend is going through something kind of similar. She just filed for divorce from her husband and she already sees how the kids get put in the middle and how they've changed. I hope you and your ex can work through this for your son's sake.
Fitness Minutes: (52,208)
304 2/10/11 6:12 P
I can totally relate! My son'd dad tells him stuff like I take all his money and I bleed him dry, and usually when they say that stuff it's because they heard it recently. My son's dad tells my son that I don't really love him and that I am a horrible mother. My son is 8 and he understand what is and isn't true, but he ALWAYS has an attitude when he comes back from his visitations. It's rough, I've dealt with it for 8 years now.
I also have a step-son, whose mother is a real witch and she tells my set-son the most horrible things ever...like his dad is going to die, and that he should hate me because I wasn't there when he was conceived so I don't really love him, etc.
You just have to not talk badly about his dad, be the bigger person and remind your child how much you love him and how important he is to you. Show him how important he is to you by spending time with him, talking to him, being there for him. He will understand that you don't talk badly about his dad and he will appreciate that! My son has told me many times how grateful he is that I don't put him in the middle of things and talk badly like his dad does.
I've had joint custody of my son with my ex for the past 3 years since we split up. My son is quickly approaching his 5th birthday and I'm noticing things that make me scratch my head. I know kids at that age try to test the limits of their parents, but it seems like he doesn't listen to me as much as he usually does when he's been at his dad's house. The other day he told me that his father told him he doesn't have money because I took all his money. I was upset, but then my fiancÚ reminded me that my son remembers everything and really has no concept of time so it may have been quite a while ago that he said that. My son has also been referring to his dad's house as home which is odd since we tell him he has a couple of homes and how lucky he is. I may be reading too much into it, but I just worry that he has too much pressure on his little brain. I also don't want to stir the pot unnecessarily because that seems to cause more issues with my ex which seems to bleed over to my son and that is the LAST thing I want for him. I want him to be a happy and well adjusted munchkin.
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