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A lot has happened over this last weekend. I broke up with my fiance. The total devastation hasn't hit me and I don't know if it will or not. Maybe I haven't felt it because I feel I made the right decision or maybe reality hasn't sunk in, I don't know. I feel a little numb and I'm hoping I can just stay numb because I don't tolerate negative emotions well, but who does?
I am not eating much, maybe one meal a day. I know it's not healthy but I am just a little wound up tight right now and don't feel like eating much. And what I have been eating is not healthy. But tomorrow, I am going to stock up on some healthy food so I can turn this back around!
I was watching this documentary tonight on Amazon called Vegucated. Needless to say, I may never eat meat again after watching that. After watching the torture they put those animals through just so we can eat them is disgusting and horrible! I was crying my eyes out watching it! It is very very sad that people can do such horrid things to innocent animals without even thinking twice about it. I'm sure there are more humane ways to kill an animal then what some of those factories do...it makes me sick! I really don't know right now if I can honestly say I would never eat meat again but I can say I will probably have those images in my head for the rest of my life and it will effect the amount of meat I will eat, if I eat any.
Today I went to the gym and ran for 20 minutes straight on the treadmill. I was so proud of myself and it felt great! And the results of my running are showing up everyday. Today I was strutting around in a pair of high heels admiring my legs. That may sound a little vain to some but in fact, it's very therapeutic for me because sometimes we all need to admire ourselves and love our bodies just to get us more motivated to improve on it some more!
My Dad's double bypass surgery is tomorrow morning and I'm pretty scared. I know it's routine anymore to get heart surgery but it's still my Dad, who I love and I hate seeing in pain and sick!
I will keep you all updated!
I have burned over 1600 calories already this week! That is awesome! My eating has a lot to be desired though. It's not that I'm overeating because I'm not, in fact, I'm not eating enough. I started out eating every 2-3 hours but it gets so cumbersome to figure out what to eat and to make something to eat and to have stuff on hand to eat...I just don't want to do all that! Plus, when I work nights like I did last night, I didn't even get out of bed to eat until nearly 4pm. It seems the more frequently I eat, the more I think about food. I know I'm not doing myself any favors but dang... Right now, we don't have any money for me to go get healthy snacks, basically, we are just eating whatever leftovers and whatever we can find. We just got done eating the rest of the Thanksgiving food last night, I made a turkey casserole dish. It is so hard when you barely make money to live...uugghh!
Right now, I'm reading Fifty Shades Of Grey. It's a very popular book right now, as all my friends are reading it. I don't know if anyone of you has ever read or heard about it but it's an erotic novel about "a relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM)." -Wikipedia description of the book there. I like the story, I don't really get into the sex scenes that much and I don't like how it's written at all (it sounds as if a 16 year old wrote it). It's a lot of repeat so far but I'm only about half way through it.
I'm finishing up week 4 of my virtual 5k training program. I must say, my endurance is getting better and better. I did say that I could run 10-15 minutes straight on the treadmill before but I started to just follow the training program again. Some days my legs burn so much, it's crazy. I do it almost everyday and I think you are supposed to do it every other day. But I love running! Plus, I don't stretch at all and I know that would help! I get so stuck on doing one type of exercise. Well when I go to the gym and work out for 45-hour, with cardio, you think I really want to come home and do more exercise, like stretching and toning. UUGGHH...I think I already spend enough time and burn enough calories as it is. I do really want to tone up though and I think after I lose more of the fat that is covering up any muscle that I may see if I toned them, I am going to start doing my 30 day shred everyday. I just don't have the motivation to do it right now.
I haven't officially posted my weight but in the past 9 days, I've lost 4 more lbs. I really believe it's because of the running! Because I was losing pretty slowly before I started doing it. I've increased my calories to be burned from 500-1000 and since I've been doing it, the weight is just melting off! I can actually see it, too!! I'm getting smaller and smaller! I LOVE IT! All my clothes are fitting me/or falling off me again! I can't wait to go shopping!!!!
I love seeing the muscles in my legs and every time I walk by my full length mirror, I stop to see them! hahaha, it's funny but I think it's fabulous!!!
I have to stop saying I want changes and just DO IT! All my life, I've had all these dreams and goals but they always seemed as if they were only fantasies that could never come true. But as I look back, there are things I wanted that I pursued and I got! In fact, if I really wanted something, REALLY wanted it...I always got it! I think it's just a matter of believing in it and taking ACTION! I really believe in the Law Of Attraction. If you have never heard of it, it basically states that your thoughts (which cause you to be positive or negative) attracts like energies. So, if you are a negative person, you attract negative people, events, circumstances and things and vice versa. Have you ever noticed how negative people always seem to congregate together, how when you are in a bad mood, you tend to walk into other people who are in bad moods and your entire day goes bad? Have you ever thought of someone that you haven't seen or talked to for a long time and suddenly you will see them or hear from them? That's what I'm talking about. If you have never watched "The Secret", you should. That movie made a huge impact on my life. Here is the first 20 minutes of the video, you can watch it on youtube. It is also on Netflix.
It will make you go back and think about everything in your life that you have attracted. I went back and realized that there was a time in my life that I blamed everyone for my life. I used to blame friends, my parents, my boyfriends...anyone and everyone. I went to counseling for years for depression and anxiety and all I could do was point fingers at others about how I was treated and this, that and the other. But one day, I looked at myself in the mirror and I realized that by blaming everyone else for every catastrophe that I went through, I was running away from the true person that caused every single negative thing that happened to me....ME! I chose my life, I made my own choices, I stuck around and let people treat me badly when I could have walked away, I chose my reactions and my own feelings and thoughts about every situation..it was ME, MYSELF AND I! And once I realized that, it hurt, it hurt real bad that I was doing that to myself! I couldn't hide from myself anymore, I couldn't point fingers at anyone else. It was hard to deal with that because I really didn't want to believe that I would cause myself so much turmoil but it was true and I had to face it. We have a choice of how to think about things. We don't have to dwell in our own misery, we can take advantage of the fact that we have other paths to walk down besides the one we are on! We have total control over only ourselves! Isn't that a blessing that we have control over our own destinies!! If you believe that, you can take your power back from every person who ever tried to take it away (because in reality, no one can do that)! Where you are right now is right where you walked to yourself! No one else put you there. And where you go next is totally up to you! Wow, I am glad I blogged about this because it just gave me a new perspective on my life! Whoop Whoop! I wrote on my Facebook status a quote that I came up with myself "If our lives were always easy, we would never find our own strength" and it's true, we are going to go through some rough times in our lives but it makes us stronger because we can reach inside ourselves and find the courage to push through those times.
I'm still on track with my food and exercising! Everyday, I love running more and more. It really makes me feel strong and I love seeing the new muscles showing up in my legs! Oh and I keep forgetting...you know one of the ways I can tell I'm losing weight? I can wrap my towel completely around my body! WHOOP WHOOP!
Everyone have a great week!!!!
I had a great night at work last night and today, I woke up and went to the gym and worked out for an hour. I walked/jogged on the treadmill for 35 minutes, burning 278 calories and 30 minutes on the elliptical, burning 222 calories. Notice they equal to exactly 500 calories, I may have had something to do with that...lol!
I'm having a problem today with one of my close friends. I am not going to go into details, but her and I have been friends for about 10 years now. We grew apart for awhile but recently, we have started talking again. I just don't know how I feel about our friendship anymore because anymore, it just seems like she likes to cast stones. I don't know how to take what she says to me sometimes. At times, I feel like she doesn't try to understand my side or see where I'm coming from, when I talk to her about my troubles. She tells me exactly what she thinks about it but it comes with, what I feel, is a judgmental attitude. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind being put in my place if I need to be. I will take advice and try to see it from the other person's point of view. But I'm taking her truths very personal and my feelings are hurt. Sometimes it feels as if she likes to see me suffer. Maybe I am crazy. I haven't told her how I feel because I don't even know if what I feel is founded or I'm being too sensitive and I want to tell her how I feel without pointing fingers or accusing. Some days, I feel as if friendships are not worth the trouble. I just don't know if people are being real or true, I basically have no trust in people. I don't even want to talk to her anymore about any of my personal life because I'm afraid of how I will feel later when she gives me her "opinion" about it. Because her opinions feel more like a chastising to me than a friend being concerned. Does anyone have any advice as to how I should handle this. What I really want to do is just run away from it all...just let the friendship die. That's the reason I stopped talking to her the last time is because I felt the same way but I really miss her and I miss having a friend to talk to. I love her but I just don't know what to do. When the situation is reversed and she is having a problem that she is going off about, I always try to redirect her in a positive way. I always try to make her feel as if ,even if I don't agree with her, I am still here to support her, I'm on her side and that she will get through whatever problem. I don't feel I get the same from her. I don't know how else to explain it all without going into detail and I just don't want to get into my entire personal life. Any advice or people out there who have experienced the same thing, that would be great.
Even though I'm feeling a little emotional today, I haven't stuffed my feelings with food, thank God for that! Exercising really does help with emotional stuff.
Talk to you all tomorrow
JIBBIE49 Posts: 69,378
11/26/12 1:00 A
Watch the lectures on Youtube by RICHARD JOHNSON MD "The Sugar Fix" and also, WHEAT BELLY by William Davis MD. They are both very helpful.
Today was good. I walked to the track, walked/jogged for 30 minutes and walked back. I stayed within my calorie range, actually still under right now but I work all night so I'm saving some for later when I get the munchies!
I've noticed that since I started running for exercise, the numbers on the scale are going down a little faster! AND, I'm starting to see some muscle definition in my legs! It's not much, but there is a indention in my outer thigh, it's so exciting to see it! It's just a hint of what's to come and I'm so ready for it!
One of the things I need to work on is getting out there and doing more activities. I have no life. I go to work, I come home and sit in my room until I fall asleep. My kids all live with their Fathers. My fiance and I don't ever do anything. We never have extra money and my vehicle has been broken down for weeks now. This summer, we went fishing almost everyday, but when it's cold, we just lay in bed all day after work. It's depressing! So, going to the gym is something I look forward to everyday. I'm going to start taking my kids swimming there a couple days a week, too. I would love to have more to do with my life but I live in a very small town in Kansas and there just isn't much to do here. I do go to the library every week and try to read 2 books a week. I've been walking everywhere to run my errands and to work since my vehicle is broke but it's getting colder and I hate cold weather, with a passion! I wish winter would just be over with already...I want to get back to fishing and camping! That's what I love doing the most! If I lived in a larger city, I'm sure there would be all kinds of free things I could do but here, there isn't much! Anyone have suggestions?
I am a cosmetologist and I do hair at a nursing home 3 days/week and I work 2 nights/week as a c.n.a. at the same nursing home. So, basically, I am at that nursing home every single day except Saturdays. I am at a point in my life where I want a change, a change of scenery, a change of jobs, a change from my safe and boring life. I want to step outside of my comfort zone for once and get out there and take a risk. I don't know if I'm just going through a midlife crisis or what but I just feel as if I am all boxed in, I feel safe and comfortable, but I feel as if I am going to go insane because it's the same thing everyday. I feel like I just go through the motions, like I feel numb. One of my goals I want to set for myself when I get my body where I want it, is to enter a fitness competition. It's something that I would never do. I don't like attention, I don't like being in front of an audience...I just want to do it, even just once, just to say I did it. I want to face my fears and feel uncomfortable...just to know I'm ALIVE! Anyone else have similar goals or want to do something unfamiliar to you? I'm scared just thinking about it and I'm nowhere near where I need to be to even enter one. I guess, in the meantime, I need to research the different competitions, talk to people who have done it or are doing it, and really work on my body to get it into the best shape I can. If anyone has some good advice, I'm willing to hear it!
Well, I better get ready for work. Talk to you all tomorrow!
I'm hoping that keeping a journal here, plus being actively involved with Sparkpeople's many many features on this website, will keep me motivated and remind me of my goals! I'm just going to jot down my feelings, goals, frustrations, achievements or whatever else I feel like getting out! It may or may not have to do with weight loss but everything in life is connected, right? I mean, if I'm having a problem at work, it will probably effect my mood, which in effect will effect my eating, exercising or motivation!
I love Sparkpeople! This is the best website for motivation and weight loss, I've ever come across! The people on here are so helpful and positive! You always get good advice and no one is rude or mean! Everyone is so supportive of one another, it's awesome! Even though I've been off and on with my weight loss goals, I always come back here first when I'm ready to start up again!
I'm ready to keep up this lifestyle this time. My Dad is having a double bypass surgery sometime in December. The thought of this scares me to death! I know they are common surgeries and I know he will be ok but it scared me enough that I started thinking about my own health. I never want to be the one up on that table with my chest split open and my beating heart in the hands of someone else! I want to take control of my health and make sure my heart keeps beating on my own. My Dad has lived an unhealthy life. He drank most of his life and has never ate healthy or exercised (outside of work). I know he is regretting his choices now. He is on dialysis and now he is getting heart surgery and soon maybe a kidney transplant. He tells us all the time to take care of ourselves, he wished he had. I am doing that now. I don't want my kids to be scared for me, I want them to know I'm doing all I can to stick around for their lives as long as possible. I am happy that I have that choice now...before it all goes downhill. I still have time to reverse any damage I may have done by eating healthy, exercising, and taking care of me, not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I have suffered with anxiety and depression most of my life. I am also trying to manage that without medication. I meditate and try to stay positive. I've noticed that the anxiety is less since I've starting eating healthy. Sugar and processed foods does really take a toll, not only on my physical body but my entire system! You can see all the effects that sugar and processed foods have on you, here.
Now, I'm not saying I have cut out all processed foods and sugar just yet but I have definitely cut down and I feel a huge difference. It's hard to eat clean but I am slowly making better choices everyday.
I overdid myself for Thanksgiving. I didn't track my foods exactly but I estimated and still came up with over 4000 calories. But I'm not beating myself up. I got right back on track the next day with tracking and eating within my calorie range and I went to the track today and walked/jogged for an hour! I'm pretty proud of myself for that and I feel even better!
I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and weekend!!!
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