It will be very difficult to parent a child that is actually your brother in law. However, it is probably in the child's best interest to be with you guys even if it's temporary. Hopefully his dad can get treatment so he can be an appropriate father.
Thank you so much everyone for your words and advice!
Fitness Minutes: (36,989)
7/28/13 8:50 A
I am very sorry for the stress your family is under. I hope your MIL's prognosis improves. No matter how this particular crisis turns out, clearly this is an issue that needs to be confronted. We all should have end-of-life plans for our children if we have them, even if we are currently young and healthy.
If I were in this situation, I would take in the boy (if the worst happens with your MIL), because it seems like you are the most stable choice. But you should have a firm plan in place for respite care. Either the rest of your in-laws should step up, or you should look at the family services resources in your area. Maybe his school nurse or teacher could suggest some resources. The school should be aware of the situation anyway, because I'm sure it's causing a lot of stress for your little brother-in-law.
You don't sound selfish. You sound pretty honest and self aware and kind of in the middle of a tough situation. Sounds like everyone around you has a lot on their plate so yes, they should have asked you but they probably don't have the presence of mind to do so. You should have a heart to heart with your husband. Tell him how you feel. I bet he has a lot of feelings about all of this too. A mother with brain tumor and an alcoholic dad, I bet his feelings are just whirling and their is a lot of old garbage floating around in there. If your talk doesn't go well, visit a counselor together. This situation just sounds complicated, sometimes a neutral party can help. Good luck to you!
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.-Dalai Lama
Fitness Minutes: (1,970)
7/23/13 3:50 P
You are certainly in an absolutely tight spot. I can appreciate where you are at given that we took my nephew in for a very short stay. First, I think that your feelings absolutely matter. Having a child of that age join your home when you are not accustomed to it, is very difficult. Especially one that will have just lost his mother. The only thing that I will say to you is that you should sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband. Make sure that you understand both of your views. Your husband may be having similar feelings to yours and will appreciate the honesty.
Whatever you decide, you should do so together. Do not let this break up your relationship. In the end, you should look at this as more of an honor. She has picked you both to watch out for her child. As a mother, this is a huge thing.
7/22/13 11:45 A
Let me make sure I am understanding the situation. Your mother-in-law is dying and wants your husband to be the guardian to his young brother when she dies. This child has other siblings, but none are either in a position to take the younger brother in or they do not want to. You do not want to take him in either. What does your husband say? What would happen to the boy if you and your husband choose not to take him in? Would he be in an abusive or neglectful situation? Would he feel abandonned by his own family as his mother dies? Would he end up in foster care? Yes taking in a child and raising him is a huge responsibility but you are presumably in a stable relationship and you are certainly old enough for the job. Only you know the dynamics of your family and this situation, but it would a an absolute tragedy if this child were to have to face the death of his mother and the neglect and abandonment from his family at the same time. If your home is the best place for the boy, then your husband needs to take his baby brother in. If however, foster care or another guardian is better, then your husband needs to say so now so his mother can make other arrangements for her youngest child. There are probably legal matters to attend to since the father is in the picture and would probably be granted custody by unless he were proven to be unfit.
7/22/13 1:42 A
Hello, I am 26 yrs old, I been married for six years and still don't have any children.. My husbands mother have been living with cancer for the past four years and things are not going so well for her. Her doctor recently found a mass in her brain and they do not know if its a tumor. She is going to have surgery soon but mentioned several times that she is afraid of dying. She says that she has accepted Gods will but doesn't want to die just yet, she still has a 10 year old son and is afraid her husband will not take care of him once she dies. My husbands father is an alcoholic, and doesnt care much other than him self. Even though, they my husband has more siblings which are all grown now, they dont want to become responsible for that 10 year old kid. So she wants my husband to take care of him once she dies. I understand his family is going through alot right now, but no one bother asking me is if I want to. I get it maybe I have no choice, my husband is the only responsible one but do I want to have a child now? Or act like a parent to someone that is not my child? I don't know what to do... Do I sound selfish? What should I do about this?
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