Today is Tuesday which means my 6 year old daughter has gym. It's cold so she needs to wear pants and sneakers to school. None of her school pants fit her. She's been increasingly getting her toddler belly back. No big deal, we'll just go buy her a size bigger and she'll go to school late.
They don't have the winter school uniforms out right now. All we found were boys pants and my daughter fit into a size 8 HUSKY boys pant. She started to cry a little bit. She said I know I'm fat and need to go on a diet. My beautiful, brainy, sweet caring daughter just told me she's fat and needs to go on a diet.
I just stood there, with my daughter on the verge of tears, my husband next to me and it hit me! I need to change the way I talk about myself, I need to change the way my family eats. It's nothing my daughter has done, she shouldn't even know about the word diet, she shouldn't even have a thought that she's fat. The fact that I've let her hear my negativity towards myself is terrible. The fact that our family has been dealing with some things and haven't had time to sit down for a regular dinner recently doesn't mean we can't eat healthy.
I've recently been undergoing painful physical therapy and haven't had the energy or strength to make a full fledged healthy dinner so I've fallen into the evil routine of picking something up on the way home, or making spaghetti which is quick and easy, then laying around with my daughter and watching TV or movies (if homework is done).
All this came to me standing in Target trying to figure out what to do about my daughter and looking at her beautiful face with tears in her eyes.
I put down the boys size 8 HUSKY pants and told her this "I'm sorry. You are by no means fat and that is not a word you should even know! You do NOT need to go on a diet! You are beautiful and wonderfully perfect just how you are! We do need to start making better choices about what we eat and that starts with mommy."
I called the school, told them they don't have winter uniforms out and what should I do about my daughter who has had a growth spurt. They said she can wear a skort so long as she has tights underneath and wears sneakers. I went and bought her 3 pairs of cute tights, new sneakers and sent her home with her dad to get dressed and head to school.
Seeing in my daughters eyes all my fears, negativity towards myself, my laziness, my lame excuses of pain and fatigue showed me I need to stop it! I can spare 2 hours prepping veggies into small containers that my daughter can grab when she needs a snack and I'm hurting to much to get up and get her something. My husband and I need to make a meal plan for at least a week so that whether it's me or him, we know what is for dinner and it gets made. Fast food, junk food, candy and all that fit in that category are being thrown out tonight.
All it should take is one good grocery shopping trip, an hour to make a dinner meal plan for the week, prepping healthy snacks, and trying to be more active when I can!
I don't ever want to see that look on my beautiful daughters face again! There are just no excuses for it anymore! It's gone above me caring for myself or worrying about what I look like or whining that I hurt too much to exercise or cook a real meal. It's affecting the best thing I've ever done, my daughter, who should still see magic and innocence in everything.
It starts tonight!