Hideously rude. I deal with people who speak different languages, I myself use various languages to communicate with different people. When you are listening to someone who is not speaking your native language, it is natural that you may need something repeated. It is NOT rude to ask someone to repeat or rephrase, it is MORE respectful because it shows that you actually care and want to know what the person is saying. Also people who have hearing loss may need to hear something twice. *because they want to hear you.* How on earth can that be construed as rude?
Maybe I'm sensitive because I am often the foreign speaker and speak foreign languages daily but I just can't imagine a world where we can only speak to other people who speak our own native language. What a small worldview.
9/28/13 1:42 P
I would feel this was very obnoxious and would stay away from them if I could.
To much effort to talk to some people? Yeah, some people are distracted and communication may be challenging. Do we know why the person is distracted and seemingly requiring extra effort? Did something happen in their lives recently that is causing it? Death? Serious illness? Tragedy? Or do they have an unseen disability that you don't know about that causes that person to seem distracted and unfocused?
I guess I would not be so rude as to command attention and refuse to repeat myself because I don't perhaps know all that is happening to a person. In a situation like Toastmasters, it should be assumed that people are present to listen. A speaker starting with such a rude disclaimer would cause me to not listen. Who knows, I may even walk out.
This is just a thought, technology seems to play a role in folks being so distracted. Your blog didn't necessarily make me think of a class room or lecture setting. It makes me think of going to lunch or visiting with friends that can stay away from their phones, iPads, tablets, etc. I have considered making a suggestion to friends that we put away our phones while we're visiting, but I would never say I'm not going to repeat myself. Just a thought....
My reaction...OMG, I think I am already done! I feel bad this person's experiences have been So negative, but it takes two...maybe their part played a role in others not listening!!!
9/28/13 3:45 A
It would be my last impression! I won't waste my time on people that feel their self importance should be number one on anyone's list.
People have a right to feel a certain way, but they cannot expect others to follow/behave or feel the same way.
Just as being a team leader, lead speaker, etc. You can have your own expectations of how things should go, but that doesn't mean it will become reality. You can't force a situation to go your way no matter how big of fit you throw. Sounds like baby needs a diaper.
"I do agree that in a social situation or in a circumstance where there is no reasonable expectation that those who are listening be focused, connected and alert and listening attentively that this would be an imprudent way to behave."
No, actually, it would be even MORE rude in a context where people know they are expected to be focused, etc. It's pedantically restating expectations that are already understood and shared, and naming consequences for failure to meet them. That's entirely appropriate... unless the listeners are over the age of three. Speak to adults as if they are toddlers, and the response is likely to be open hostility and/or literally losing your audience as they walk out the door. It's just not an appropriate way for adult human beings to speak to other adult human beings.
LightningLad, what's the reason behind this hypothetical? You're not actually considering saying this to a group, are you? A statement like this assumes that if anyone fails to understand you and wants you to repeat an idea, it's THEIR fault for failing to listen the way you believe they should. When I ask someone to repeat, it's almost always because they have failed to communicate logically, or they have committed an obvious slip of the tongue, and saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't understand the figures you cited about X. Could you repeat that?" is the kindest way I can think of to give them a chance to correct THEIR mistake. Keep in mind that "Could you repeat that?" doesn't necessarily mean, "I wasn't paying attention." It might just as likely mean, "Apparently you weren't paying attention to your own presentation, because you just said something really stupid and I suspect you know better. Let me gift you with an opportunity to correct yourself instead of letting people think you don't know your own topic." If I'm sufficiently casual, you might not even realize that you said 300,000 when you meant 3000, and you'll be spared any embarrassment.
When dealing with adults, especially those you have just met, I find it's always best to assume that they are NOT third-grade "problem children." If you treat everyone like that problem 3rd grader, you're going to find a huge number of problem children wherever you go.
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774 9/27/13 7:49 P
It sounds like something a teacher would say to a class. Especially middle or high schoolers. Answering questions is one thing, repeating is different.
Now, if this is adults in a social context. It'd be a look of amazement & my not saying anything and thinking later, "Did that person really say that?"
I do agree that in a social situation or in a circumstance where there is no reasonable expectation that those who are listening be focused, connected and alert and listening attentively that this would be an imprudent way to behave.
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9/27/13 12:12 P
LOL - I love SHKIRK's response! How self-absorbed someone would be to say that upon first meeting someone!
Edited by: LOUIE-LILY at: 9/27/2013 (12:43)
9/27/13 11:44 A
I would respone " Well ...I do not care to hear it once." Then I would turn and walk away.
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2,545 9/27/13 11:36 A
What a way to completely shut down communication!
If this was a non work related acquaintance my response would be along the lines of "That's too bad, I go deaf when I hear rudeness." along with walking away and not speaking to this person again.
In a work environment, it would depend on the relationship. A vendor would be reported back to their company along with a request for a replacement. A new co worker would quickly be told that such an attitude is inappropriate and will be reported to their immediate supervisor.
A new boss or director level type person would be reported to my or their boss along with the comment that this attitude is not helpful.
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9/27/13 11:32 A
Fitness Minutes: (165,143)
7,377 9/27/13 11:04 A
I'd say, "Pardon me?" I'd have them repeat it and then tell them that that attitude will have to go both ways.
9/27/13 10:44 A
My response would be, "Sorry, I can't hear you". I actually do have some difficulty hearing and sometimes must ask people to repeat themselves. It is embarrassing. Some folks are just full of themselves. How sad for them.
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1,189 9/27/13 9:40 A
They have a violent personality and don't know how to communicate very effectively.
9/27/13 8:45 A
I suppose it would depend on who said it to me. Someone I just met at a party or other social function.... well it seems rather rude and stupid. I have no time for anyone who seems to feel that we all need to hang on their every word when we hardly know them anyway. I'd be polite but find a reason to go talk to someone else. On the other hand, if it was a teacher or instructor or say, someone at work about to give a presentation on the new insurance plan.... obviously they're tired of people not paying attention. Perfectly valid thing to say, then.
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95,450 9/26/13 11:42 P
"If you want to be rich, be generous. If you want to make friends, be friendly. If you want to be heard, listen. If you want to be understood by others, take the time to truly understand them. If you want to live an interesting life, be interested in the happenings around you."
One reason I ask this is because I am a very active Toastmaster. When I or any of my fellow Toastmasters present a speech, We routinely EXPECT our listeners, watchers, observers to be well- focused, engaged and active listeners!
Thus, " I wasn't listening" , I wasn't really focused on you " or " I wasn't interested in what you told me and so I tuned you out." is, believe it or not, considered to be a severe insult and an affront.
A Question, " How do you define selective hearing?"
Fitness Minutes: (113,877)
95,450 9/26/13 10:54 P
When engaged in conversation, I find that sometimes, I need to comprehend what the person has said by interpreting back what was said to be clear. Each has his/her own way of dealing with things, issues and it leaves room for misinterpretation in which the person can come back and say, "I didn't say that!" Many of us have selective hearing. We learn to be patient with one another.
I remember once while I was serving as a Substitute Teacher delivering instructions to a class of Third Graders.. I was told, " Tell them just This, no more or less."
After I gave this instruction, A boy raised his hands and asked, " What am I supposed to do?" I asked did you hear what I just told the class." He smirked and said, " You told them what to do but you haven't told me anything yet. Tell me what I AM supposed to do."
A few classmates then told me he is a " problem child." A week or so later, I ran across this teacher when I was substituting again at this same school.. When I told her about THIS student, she simply said, " That is why I prepared my instructions to you as I prepared them."
Fitness Minutes: (49,832)
4,508 9/26/13 10:14 P
While I believe that we should generally pay attention to the people we choose to be with, for someone to say it like that at the beginning of a relationship is downright wierd and rude. He/she is making a power play in the relationship and I would probably do something to undermine it.
I would probably say,"Huh? I'm sorry, but you'll have to speak a little more clearly as I am hearing impaired and sometimes miss what people say the first time."
In reality, I am hearing impaired -- but usually do pretty well with hearing others if they speak reasonably well the first time or there is lots of background noise. I only occasionally need any accommodation. But you can bet I would "play up my difficulties" whenever I was around someone that self-centered and rude about it -- if only to annoy him/her.
To play Devil's Advocate, Some people think that being focused and being a connected and focused listener demonstrates to the Speaker/ Presenter that you respect them are on a willing and active same page with them and that you are a proactive person who wants to make things happen IMMEDIATELY."
I once knew a Fourth Grade teacher who demanded that her students be focused and a;lert listeners. She was merciless on this unless a student had a Diagnosed and On File process difficulty.
I also know that some people speak very softly, are not good communicators or have presented/ put forth a clearly unfocused and hard to unravel message. Some people my also speak far too rapidly or may be a non-stop talker. Others are far too demanding and full of themselves so not listening may be a proper challenge response to him or her.
Others may interrupt and just not give you a chance to hear clearly what they have just said.
So, There are reasons to ask someone to re4peat themselves that are valid aside and beyond cognitive processing difficulties and hearing loss..
I do know that some people, especially, middle school and high school students do use " Please repeat/ I need you to repeat what you just said" as a way to disrupt a lesson, stall for trime4, waste4 time or passively aggressively take control of a class from their instructor..
In such a case, Might " I will not repeat myself" serve, possibly, as a proper measure of classroom management and discipline ?
You just meet someone and they tell you the following, " I will not repeat myself. I expect you to listen the VERY FIRST Time. If you ask me to repeat myself, My ONLY response to you WILL BE SILENCE. "
If you are meeting this individual for THE FIRST TIME, What would your FIRST impression of her or him likely be ?
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