I think my husband is sabotaging my weightloss.

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2/6/12 1:26 P

How is it going now, Dottiea? Any updates on the sabotage?

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9/28/11 2:59 P

Could be that he doesn't realize how serious you are about the weight loss but try sitting him down and explaining to him what it is that you can and cannot have at this time or during a particular day.Don't be hard on yourself either it won't hurt to reward yourself on occasions ,maybe you can save what he brings you till your reward time.Moderation is the key.

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9/27/11 10:52 P

I hope that his intentions are good, but it is so hard to resist temptations especially when they originate from someone you love. My husband rewards my good eating habits by bringing home ice cream snickers bars! And then he is shocked when I get frustrated. Go figure......

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9/27/11 6:43 P

Husbands are so totally clueless & if you have one who is a stick man & it doesn't matter how much he eats or what he eats & hes still a stick it makes it hard when all you have to do is look at food & you feel like the weight is jumping on your thighs.
For me I have become the Kitchen BOSS I cook the meals therefore I control the meals. Helps that we live on a farm so access to takeaways is very limited, we also have a rule of no snacking after dinner & that seems to have helped. also sorting out the cupboards removing all the bad stuff apart from 1 draw which is his & the kids where they have thier snacks that they can go to if need be & because I also do the shopping the snacks are healthier than they realise ( Hee Hee ) points for me.

So hang in there & let him know that you don't love him any less when you have to tell him no.
& stick to your guns " No Eating In Bed " Good luck!!!

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9/14/11 5:52 P

My husband has been my best and worst enemy since time began! When I first got married, he would bring a pizza into the bedroom to eat while watching tv at 10 pm. And ENTIRE pizza! And what did I do? I ate with him. Problem was he stayed the same size and I blew up! During my weight loss journey when I lost 98 pounds, I had to kick him out of the bedroom but then my thyroid went ballistic! I ended up depressed and ate with him again. I finally had to say no and even when he would step through the door- I kicked him out and away! Just keep saying no. He'll get the message.

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9/13/11 12:02 A

I'm right there with you, and it's not because my husband wants to sabotage me (believe me, he prefers the thinner me!) it's just that he's clueless when it comes to calories and weight loss. He loves me, and sees these things as treats and treating me well~ the truth is that his treats really contribute to all of the weight I've gained!

I've learned to just walk away. If he makes a BIG plate of nachos I walk out of the room until he's done eating them. I go to bed before he partakes in his "4th" meal (500-1000 cals of cr@p after dinner). Since I know he doesn't get it, I prepare myself for him LOL

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9/12/11 10:11 P

Please don't feel bad about it because you are not alone. Since my husband and I have gotten together, he and I have gained a lot of weight. He was average size when I met him and now he complains that I have made him fat, because I don't want anyone to look at him (so rude!). I told him that he gained weight because all of the other women that he was with didn't know how to cook, so he d@mn near starved to death (Ha, take that!). Well anyway, I just bought an elliptical and he has been on it only once, but just tonight he harassed me for not getting on it (I was doing my homework, but I got on the thing for almost 50 minutes when I finished). But anyways, when we cook, I eat my food, and then always tries to force me to take a bite of his food, even though we are eating the same thing. I tell him that he just saw me eat and if I don't take a bite of his food, it's like he gets all upset. I told him that he won't be happy until I'm on one of those "Hover-round" wheelchairs or something. Weight, food, and eating can be very stressful to deal with, because I know that I have to fight to loose weight and eat my little packaged dinners from the store, so this might be a touchy thing for some men.

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9/12/11 9:30 P

I don't think it is as important to him as to me

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9/8/11 2:08 P

I think my husband is the same way. In fact I think he goes through more emotional stuff than I do when dieting. First he is happy then he complains that it doesn't matter, your not eating enough, then makes dinner and gives me more food than I wanted.... when he wears me down and I give in... then he's disappointed with me.

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9/8/11 11:32 A

I am in a very similar situation and I flat out asked him if he was doing these things on purpose. When he sat down and thought about it he told me that he knows that I am better than he deserves, therefore if he can keep me a little over weight then I will stay with him vs. looking for someone better.

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8/30/11 4:16 P

So what do you do when your boyfriend/father of your child/future husband IS sabatoaging you, and readily and openly admits it to everyone? He tries to convince me that his rediculous ideas of healthy foods are correct because HE weighs 148 pounds. He tried so hard last night at dinner to make me eat a second helping of homemade macaroni and cheese that my mother had enough and told him to shut up, and then on the way home he stopped at burger king against my wishes. When I refused to order anything, HE ORDERED FOR ME!!!! He has our 2 year old believing it's ok to live on chicken nuggets, pizza and cereal, along with oreos and pringles. He will tell you without batting an eyelash that thin women disgust him, and he'd be happy if I gained another 100 pounds. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with the impending threat of me having to go on insulin, either. My last exam I was 299 pounds, and was told if I hit 300 I would be put on insulin. He gags at EVERYTHING I cook, and tells me I'm hungry all the time. Yesterday I got so fed up I put the burger king on the floor and told him that's where dog food belongs, then made myself a salad. When he went to bed, I painted a wall in the living room fire engine red, and each time he shows lack of support another wall will be painted another color that reminds me of someone who does support me....I've lost 3 pounds since last wednesday...his response to my weight loss was "now you can have a double stacker from burger king?" UGH!!!! men!

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8/21/11 11:01 P

I agree with other posts. Talk to your husband first and find out if there are some underlying reasons for his actions. He may not realize what he's doing. If there are some issues, continue talking to him. It is good to hear that you are still losing weight.

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8/17/11 7:45 P

Have you talked to your husband? Have you told him how hard you're working and that you need his support?

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8/13/11 3:43 P

I think that my husband is sabotaging my weight loss because he is scared that I will leave him since he has done some hurtful things in the past. He says he will workout with me then he finds a way to back out of the agreement. Every time I give him correct information regarding weight loss he says i am wrong. Sometimes I dont know what to do, but I am still losing weight even with him always trying to get me to eat. He says that is way I am sick because of me not eating but I have MS and I am always dealing with some aliment or another. I am going to lose weight and he will have to deal with it or get lost.

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8/9/11 11:57 A

My husband does this too! Honestly, I had moments when I thought "Is he doing this on purpose? Does he want me to stay fat and unattractive?" Once I thought about it though I realized the truth. He gets these things for me to show his love. It's just what he knew would really make me happy. Imagine them as sugary flowers. :)
If it really bothers you... maybe you can come up with lower cal things he can get you? Work it into your daily calories and see it for what it is. HE LOVES YOU!!!!! :)

If you don't want to do that.... then talk to him about it. I would say "Honey, I know you love me and this is your way of showing it. But I am working hard here and I would rather you give me a back rub or extra snuggle time." Perhaps he just doesn't see it as a bad thing?

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8/8/11 8:08 A

I can relate to this- until recently I thought dh was actively working against me in weight loss. This went completely against what he was saying though. I attended Weight Watchers for a blink of an eye but gained insight. In my marriage while I was unhealthy we shared many unhealthy (for me) activities. Date night was a late night breakfast at the local greasy spoon. Family time centered around a cook out then ice cream at the local shop. Visiting family = greasy pizza, wings, and soda.

We both have to change and it is a process. Sometimes slower than what I like. But his heart is in the right place so as long as he's willing to redefine date night, bringing home fave treats, etc. then it's all good. It's my job to tell him when something is a trigger and give a reminder when he slips.

Edited by: KEEP_IT_GOING at: 8/8/2011 (08:09)

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8/1/11 8:02 P

It could be that he misses you. What I mean is that maybe you guys bonded over these nightime snacks and now he misses that. My hubby and I used to do the same thing for date night: fast food. Now that he knows I don't eat that any more he asks what I would like. Talk to him and see if you can do something else to keep that closeness besides food. I'm sure he's just human and doesn't want to sabotage you on purpose. Laying it all out there is the key-trust me as I have had to swallow my pride many a time and hash it out with my hubby. Good luck, hon!

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7/30/11 6:26 P

Husbands are human too and forget. Mine is really supportive and I'm the one trying to keep him on track with his eating. Since the weekends are our time alone, we usually share a bottle of wine and/or have a treat after dinner. The rest of the week we stay on track. Maybe if you gently reminding him will work. I don't think any ones spouse would want to hurt the other on purpose.

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7/29/11 9:02 A

I think you are the one to know your husband best! Still, give him a chance to make things right. My husband is usually eating on my back, so I don`t feel tempted. What is worse, when I see something which I would like to eat but I know I shouldn`t, I try to make him eat it! Funny, right? He doesn`t think so - it looks like I would like to get him fat! heheh :)

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7/15/11 9:57 A

Yep, definitely talk to your husband and explain how much you need him and what HE can do to help you be successful.

He could be trying to sabotage you, or he could simply (like my husband) just be clueless about how he can help.

Sometimes the hubby would see that was working really hard so he'd get treats because he didn't want me to deny myself them completely. This coming from the person who tried to convince me that Dominos pizza was healthy for you) I eventually had to explain that it wasn't healthy and that i needed his support.

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7/14/11 10:55 P

At one point my husband would make me cupcakes to help celebrate my weight loss. I don't think he was trying to sabotage me, I honestly think he was trying to be supportive of my success. I nicely pointed out that cupcakes wasn't helping me so he stopped.

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7/14/11 2:12 P

I agree ask your husband straight out! My husband was kind of doing the same thing when I finally asked and he didn't even realize he was doing it.

So it's better to communicate then to assume!!!

Hope everything works out for you!

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7/14/11 1:07 P

We cannot know what he is thinking, but HE does!
Ask him.

If you eat everything and anything he might buy, how does he know he shouldn't buy them?

I know my husband is not a mind reader... we have to have face-to-face talks about plenty of things.

Edited by: LUANN_IN_PA at: 7/14/2011 (14:40)

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7/14/11 12:00 P

I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or not. But, the starting point is having a conversation with him about it. It would be easy to bring up the next time he does it. Tell him you appreciate that he's trying to be sweet, but you're trying to lose weight, so it would be helpful to you, and you'd greatly appreciate it, if he quit bringing you the treats so you're not tempted. Then, that time, hard as it might be, DO NOT EAT IT. (Unless you have it built in to your calories for the day. There is no reason to forgo all treats, so long as it falls within your ranges.) If he continues to buy them, even after you've asked him not to, then it might be time for a serious talk about why he is not supporting your efforts.

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7/14/11 10:08 A

I need some help to decide if my husband is doing things on purpose or inadvertently to keep me from losing weight. During the day when I am at work, I do great. I stay within my goals, I do well with temptation. When I get home and after dinner, my husband will have bought a little treat during the day, that he knows I rarely say no too.

I have always been the big one in our relationship. He has been the fit one. He knows it takes a lot of work for me to get any kind of loss, and that I cannot deal with temptations, especially at night when I am weak because I am tired.

Do you think he is doing this on purpose to keep me big, or do you think he is doing it without thinking? How do I deal with this?

P.S. Will power at night is almost none.

Thanks,
D