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ACTIONHEROFOX Posts: 396
5/6/13 10:32 A

Wow~ thank-you to everyone! All of you have really made me think about what I said. I just get worried that I'll never break this bingeing cycle, but all of you are so right in what you said. I need to remove myself from these situations, boost confidence, avoid the drama, and seek the positive. Thank-you again!

VIRGOGURL4 SparkPoints: (44,189)
Fitness Minutes: (75,092)
Posts: 1,434
5/5/13 6:15 P

Those binges sure do suck afterwards. But good news -- it's over and done with. That food didn't make you feel better in the long term. It made you feel worse. It forced you into a negative cycle.

The weight loss process is a series of peaks and valleys. Some days, it's a (pleasant) challenge to eat as much food as you should. Other days, the last thing you want to eat is a salad. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

Binges happen for a reason, and will never stop until you get to the root of the problem. It appears that this binge was triggered by low confidence when it comes to dating. You feel that your present body is getting in the way of your happiness. Perhaps it's time to remove that reason temporarily. Three years ago, when I decided to lose weight for good, I eliminated going to the club and all forms of dating in order to protect my confidence and body image. That helped me tremendously because by removing situations that I would undoubtedly be rejected by most because of my weight, I could focus on the positives. Those positives -- eating healthy and exercising -- allowed me to develop inner confidence in my abilities, which in turn, improved my body. Eventually, I returned to the club and dating scene with a new and improved body, sure, but more importantly with confidence. I proved to myself that I could drop those pounds, a feat that many will never accomplish, so I didn't need to rely on clubs and dates to make me feel good.

It's all about controlling the controllables. You can't change or control shallow people at the club or on dates. You might not even be able to control how rejection makes you feel. But you can control the situations and people you surround yourself with. If rejection at the club and dating scene triggers a binge, perhaps it's time to revamp your social life for the time being. Maybe join some Meetup groups that don't involve the club or dating, such as a music club or a volunteer group. Maybe gather your friends for a more positive social event such as a trip to the movies or a weekend getaway? Additional benefits: when you start participating in activities that are not so shallow and narcissistic, you will be in the company of worthy date prospects :)

FITGLAMGIRL Posts: 2,036
5/5/13 3:16 P

Oh yeah we make those announcements all the time and then we either slip up or never make that goal we announced we would. I stopped doing that now and keep it private. That helps me not feel so bad if I don't make that public goal that I announced.

Of course you can do it. You can do whatever you tell your mind that you can do. If you tell it you can't, guess what you can't so replace those thoughts with positive self talk.

Forget about what you ate. That is done. Today is a new day. Now forge forward!

STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,346
5/5/13 12:40 P

First of all, congrats on the 16 pounds!
Don't be so hard on yourself! It happens to a lot of people-myself included! Back in February, I had announced a 95-pound weight loss, and then what did I do? I gained back about 15 pounds from the rest of February through April! Like others have said, it happens to everyone!


TANGOKATE Posts: 365
5/5/13 12:20 P

YK is wise, listen to her... When a slip up is an isolated event, you will shrug your shoulders and go on. Even if that slip up lasts a few days... shrug your shoulders and get back on the wagon. It is THE way. And thousands of us know it and at some point when you decide, you will join us. And then you'll really know how far you've come. Perfect attendance, perfect eating has nothing to do with it. It's about doing well most of the time. And it works.

You can do this.

YOGA_KITTY SparkPoints: (6,326)
Fitness Minutes: (4,175)
Posts: 195
5/5/13 12:08 P

You said you think you might be a loser.... well, you ARE a loser -- you LOST 16 lbs!! That's great!!! Listen, 1 binge day will not undo all your hard work, but a month of such days will. We've all been there, and it feels terrible. What I've learned to do is to stop beating myself up afterwards. I shrug my shoulders, put it behind me, and carry on.

You can do this, you are worth it. Don't give up on yourself!

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LOVEXAVIE SparkPoints: (29,348)
Fitness Minutes: (29,046)
Posts: 1,994
5/4/13 9:48 P

XXICYLADYXX's right! We all have our less-than-stellar moments.
You don't even want to know what I ate yesterday...Lordie!

But just stop - don't panic. Relax. One day is not going to undo all you accomplished. Literally say to yourself, "Okay. I ate a little off plan. I enjoyed it. Moving on!!" and then GO. Eyes forward. Quit looking back.

Where it becomes a problem is when you binge and then use that as an excuse to say, "See? I can't do this!" and then you eat everything not nailed down. Don't you dare give yourself excuse to fail! : )
No need to take a mere moment and turn it into a day, several days, weeks, months, years, you get the picture.

YOU are smarter and will not fall for that all-or-nothing thinking. Anyone who can lose 16 lbs is already smart in my book so just get up, dust yourself off, and onward you go.

You can do this! No more negative thinking, okay? As soon as any of those negative thoughts arise, you have to really take the effort and combat them. Replace them with this, "I may not be where I want to be yet, but I AM getting there!" and then distract yourself.

Don't let the negativity pull you down, my friend. You can do this!
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SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (133,137)
Fitness Minutes: (32,948)
Posts: 21,696
5/4/13 9:46 P

I have a very strong feeling that your mindset is based on assumption, rather than fact.

One that stuck out was that you said
" don't get asked out on a second date because of my weight... " You DID add the "etc." to it.

Now, here is MY take on it! IF it had been because of your weight, you wouldn't have been asked out in the FIRST place!!!!

You then go on to say
" Then I just started to think that maybe I can't do this and that I'm a loser."

I wonder if you are a 'Debbie Downer' and whoever asked you on the date has picked up on your self-negativity and may find it a bit to hard for them to deal with.

you went on a bit of a binge - o.k. - not the best idea in the world, but it is done now. Treat that as your pity party (don't wish to sound rude or un-sympathetic) - now is the time to pick yourself up and start again. We all go a bit overboard on the food at times, me included, but so long as it is only once in a while and not frequent, you can still reach your goal. Many of us are living, breathing proof of that!

Below are some links that you may find helpful:
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_art
icles.asp?id=1703


www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_arti
cles.asp?id=693


www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_arti
cles.asp?id=1396


Take care,
Kris

XXICYLADYXX Posts: 92
5/4/13 8:37 P

if someone says they have never gone off their diet in a binge or in an emotional flare they are lying! the people that are successful are no different, but what they do that sets them apart is accept the mistake and move past it as quickly as possible. Its hard to do but you just have to say to yourself, i know I didn't do my best yesterday I can do better today and always continue forward

soon you will have way more good days than bad and the scale will show it!!!!

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (140,908)
Fitness Minutes: (210,980)
Posts: 20,767
5/4/13 6:58 P

ACTIONHEROFOX,

You're being much too hard on yourself ! I give all new members and anyone who will listen to me one piece of advice and it's this,"Don't look at good health or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality". If the only healthy think you did for yourself today was drink 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction.

One over indulgent meal or even one whole day of overeating WILL NOT make or break your healthy lifestyle. Remember, you're trying to change habits learned over a life time. that's not going to happen overnight, a week, a month or even a year. change takes time. thus the need to be patient with yourself and your body.

I know the road seems like, but you're already made a great start. As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". give yourself credit for all the positive things you do for yourself and don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. No one is perfect. you don't have to be perfect to be healthy.

Do you know member INDYGIRL ? read her spark page. join her spark team. at her highest weight, she weighed over 460+ pounds. two years later, she's lost almost 250 pounds. If anyone knows how long and difficult a journey can be, she knows. But, she is making a difference and so can you !!!

You just have to have a little more faith in yourself that you will do the right things. Will you do the right things every day ? NOPE. You're human. we all are. this is a learning process and there is a lot to learn. thus the need to cut yourself some slack and stop beating on yourself.

www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.asp?id=~indygir
l


ACTIONHEROFOX Posts: 396
5/4/13 6:21 P

I had just announced my 16 pound weight loss here on spark by blog and all of a sudden a whirl of negative thoughts came in. I thought about how people sometimes think I'm pregnant when I'm not, no one wants to dance with me at the club but will go out of their way to make fun of me, how my jeans fit tight, how I don't get asked out on a second date because of my weight... etc. Then I just started to think that maybe I can't do this and that I'm a loser. After that last thought I ate. I ate a bag of corn nuts, a chocolate fruit pie, a lemon fruit pie, a taco, and 5 pieces of general tsaos chicken. Which just reaffirmed I cannot do it. If I cannot stop myself from eating how can I lose weight?

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