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BONNIEBONNEAU SparkPoints: (29,211)
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Posts: 1,382
11/13/11 6:54 P

I wish I knew what to say, my sister told me 3 days ago, that her doc wants her to go into a hospital for her depression. I do not know what to say to her sometimes, I think her boyfriend - who lives off her - is the reason she is depressed, she has no money cause she pays for the lights, food..etc. and i do not want to scold her.. so i am stuck. Its very difficult for the family, cause you want to help, but dent know how...i feel your pain emoticon

NRHYMES Posts: 108
11/7/11 9:47 P

Depression is a hard thing to go through. For both spouses. When I was depressed...the best thing my husband did for me was hold my hand. He didn't leave and he didn't judge.

I think that's what you need to do for your husband. Have him tell you how he feels. Seek treatment for him. Being sad or dissapointed is one thing, being depressed is another. Depression does not go away on it's own. And you may not understand why he's depressed--heck, he probably won't know why he feels like either, but just be there for him and help him get treatment. And this isn't something he will overcome in a night...it's a journey.

HAWTLIKEME SparkPoints: (21,277)
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Posts: 894
10/30/11 11:35 A

Wow!! You have alot on your shoulders right now. I can only imagine how difficult everything must be on you. You are no doubt shouldering all the household responsibilities as I'm sure he has no get up and go to contribute. As someone who has suffered through depression and currently wondering if I'm on the verge of another, I can relate to what you're going through as a couple. I supported my sister through her very severe depression earlier this year and seeing someone you love in such pain and feeling that sense of responsibility to keep them alive (she was suicidal) is indeed very demanding and exhausting.

You need to take care of you. Demand and take the time to do the things that help to give you strength. Work out, go for walks, eat well, get adequate rest and most of all, reach out to a support group. You need people who you can count on to talk to right now. You may feel comfortble talking to friends or family or you could find a mental health support group in your area. We have an organization called the Canadian Mental Health Assn. here and they offer one on one counselling for the families of the individuals suffering from various conditions and illnesses. You should see what is available for you. It is somewhat like alanon and it can really help you to understand what your husband is going through as well as how to care for yourself through the difficult times.

Take care of yourself. Be patient and forgiving of yourself. You've got a tough job and you just can't know how long it will go on, but hopefully your husband is receiving treatment (both medication and talk therapy seems to help), so it will get better. Just know that it will get better. Keep the hope alive.

JJJJ14 SparkPoints: (2,745)
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Posts: 7
10/28/11 8:31 A

Is there something specific that is making him depressed? I know that a few years ago, my husband went through a difficult period of depression when he lost his job. Many men define themselves by what they do, so being without a job left him feeling kind of worthless. I know there were many days I would get so frustrated with his "down" moods, because in my head I was thinking "Geez, must be nice to sit around feeling sorry for yourself". Through lots of discussions, I was able to gain a better understanding of why he was feeling the way he was and patience to deal with it, and he was able to understand why I was frustrated.
I hope things get better for you soon.

JENNY_BILLOT Posts: 1,634
10/28/11 12:29 A

My husband is depressed and I've having a really hard time dealing with it.

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