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I need a male perspective.



 
 
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GRAVELRIDGEBOY
SparkPoints: (29,460)
Fitness Minutes: (33,431)
Posts: 462
7/2/13 1:39 P

This is more of a passive-aggressive thing that seems to be going on they way you are telling it. He has shut down but since he is miserable he just wants everyone else miserable around him. I am not sure if straight out talking will do as he might take it as an attack, I had a girlfriend who was like this and the only way she would open up was through emails (even though we were in the same house...lol). Just have to figure out a way to talk to him though. Good Luck



JACOB_B
Posts: 297
6/30/13 3:08 A

Basically what the other two fine guys said; something is up and he may cool down, but it will be best to talk to him. From there, if he doesn't open up or continues his attitude, it's your call. Just remember your kids too as I'm sure you don't want them picking up his habits.



BREWMASTERBILL
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Posts: 4,110
6/29/13 5:42 P

I wouldn't describe this as 'controlling', but something is up. He's pissed off about something and has shut down. It could be directly or indirectly related to something you've done or haven't done. Basically, without an open line of communication, who knows. So your first goal is to try and have a rational discussion, not a bitch fest. Maybe one quiet evening after the kids are in bed, you approach him in a very calm but concerned manner. Ask him what's bothering him and let him go on about it (i.e. don't get defensive, that will start an argument). Keep to the notion that you cannot fix what you cannot see, so try and get a glimpse into what is truly bothering him. Once you extract that, then I think you can formulate a fix (or maybe it's a deal breaker and you'll have to abandon ship).

I think all you're getting right now is noise. You need to figure out a tactful into the heart of the issue.



GLUECIPHER
Posts: 1,329
6/29/13 7:18 A

I really don't think this is normal. There is something bothering him, and he doesn't seem like the type of guy to want to talk about it (I'm bad for that too). In order to fix what's wrong you have to get him to open up and talk about it. This may come with a price. there are things he wants to say but wont for whatever reason.

You are in a tough spot. I know what its like having kids and having some one move in with you. I've been dealing with that for 10 years.

Just try and get him to talk about whats really bothering him.



TRIPLEMWF
Posts: 806
6/28/13 6:25 P

I posted this in the Cafe, but they recommended I post here as we'll for a male opinion. I reserve the right to delete this later as it is a very sensitive topic for me.



I need to put this out there to people who don't know me. I don't know if I'm making a mistake or if this is normal behaviour.

I've been with my boyfriend from almost 2 years and lived together for the last 9 months. I don't know if I'd describe his behaviour as controlling, but I'm not sure how else to describe it, but all I do know is that it has gotten worse. For example, yesterday it rained. I went to let the dog out and kicked off my slippers so they wouldn't get wet, but I guess the bottoms of my pants got wet. My boyfriend started complaining that I was going to track mud through the house, I stated that I would just take off the pants but he didn't want me to let my kids see me in my underwear. Basically, there was no right choice for me. I chose to take off my pants in the basement and I've been paying for that decision ever since. He hates my dog (which he knew was part of the package) and tells me so everyday. I fear that we are nearing the point that he's going to say it's him or the dog. Myself, as well as my kids, are super attached to this dog, and he doesn't "do" anything, I don't know why he hates him. I tried to talk to him last night about how ridiculous he was being and he wouldn't talk to me, so I went to bed. He came to bed a few hours later and made a ton of noise waking me up just so that he could b&*$h at me some more.

I packed his lunch last night and this morning he threw it all on the counter saying he didn't need anything from me (I pack his lunch every day). Also, at some point last night, he threw out my kids candy because he didn't think it belonged where I had put it.

He's now not speaking to me at all. I'm at a complete loss. I swear, I have no idea what I did to make him so angry at me. I love this man with all my heart and I am so hurting right now. He has never once in our entire relationship apologized to me, and I don't expect him to. I just need to know if his behaviour is normal or if I have somehow, yet again, gotten myself into a relationship w/ a controlling jerk.





 
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