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R383CC48 Posts: 1,022
8/7/13 2:32 P

Have you told him these things? He may be so caught up in his own things that he may just have no idea how the things he is doing are affecting you and the way you feel.

I would definitely sit down with him and tell him how you feel and make a plan so that you can have some time for you.

And if your kids are of an age that they can help out with family chores (laundry and cooking dinner etc) maybe that can be a way to alleviate some of your stress as well.

P.S. Good job doing so well under all this pressure!

Edited by: R383CC48 at: 8/7/2013 (14:34)
KENDILYNN SparkPoints: (11,070)
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Posts: 727
8/7/13 11:40 A

It shouldn't be a competition between you and him, as his personal success in no way demeans your progress. The only person you need to be competing with is the person you were yesterday. Honestly, your journey *should* be all about you, and his should be all about him. You can't hold another person accountable for your motivation, your success or your failure.

Now, I DO understand that you need the time to get your workouts in. Have you actually asked for that help from him, or are you expecting him just to know what you need? I have a wonderfully supportive husband, but he can be a little dense. He will work on his hobbies for hours and never think to ask if I need help. But if I told him, "Hey, I'm going to the gym. Can you keep an eye on the kids and pop the casserole in the oven before I get back?" he would think nothing of it. I know I sometimes take on too much and forget to ask for help. If you're kids are a little older, they can help pick up the slack too.

Sorry if this sounds a little blunt. I really do know where your coming from, and I hope you can figure out how to get the help you need/deserve.

ANNROW0354 Posts: 603
8/7/13 8:53 A

The suggestions from the other posters are great but I think you might be feeling left behind and all alone on your own personal health and fitness journey. First of all, give yourself the credit for inspiring your husband to start his own fitness journey and in turn, getting your children interested in running. You were the catalyst for all that so hold on to that when they go out for a run and you are off to do your walk. You can cheer him and the kids on and go out and take your walk and build up your speed and endurance and the more confident you get with your body, the more you will be willing to take it up a notch and start doing a new activity.
It's not a competition although it can feel that way sometimes. Remember why you are doing this and I would bet that being a more healthy and active wife and mom was one of the reasons.
How about signing up with everyone for a charity run/walk? There is usually something for every fitness level and they are always a very supportive atmosphere.



JHITCHCOC Posts: 113
8/7/13 7:56 A

Can you swim or cycle? You can do a triathlon as a relay, let him do the running part of course.

Be careful of the negative verbiage in your head about what you can and can not do.

Also ALL road races need volunteers. There is nothing more fun that working a finish line at a race. Look at the races your husband is planning to go, contact the race director and offer to volunteer. Volunteers are every bit as vital to the race as the runners are.

Most races also have walkers doing a shorter distance. Run your own race. We are not attached to our husbands at the hip.

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (142,852)
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Posts: 20,966
8/7/13 6:27 A

JUNKDRAWER,

I stinks, but there is hope. While you may not be able to run as a family, find an activity you can all do together. If you can't run, go for family hikes. How about riding a bike ? You may not be able to run because of that injury, so how about cycling ? I've run off/on for years. Right now, I'm running again. However, when I was recovering from an injury, I did kick boxing as well as cycling. How about martial arts ? That's pretty exciting as well as something your entire family can do.

Your husband is in a groove. I've seen this before in men and women. they get so fixated on their own goals that they don't realize that they are alienating their friends and family. Let him do his own thing. Now, it's time for you to do yours. There are lots of different things you can do. Find something YOU can be passionate about.

How about an obstacle course ? The Spartan Sprint is a 5K obstacle course. I did one last year for my own personal challenge. That could be something you can do.

There really are lots of options. Don't count yourself out because you can't run. These things happen. The wife finds one thing, the hubby another. I do feel you need to talk to the hubby about doing something as a family though. Have you taken the time to really talk about how you feel ? If not ? Time to open the lines of communication so that you don't feel excluded.

COOL_STUFF SparkPoints: (3,726)
Fitness Minutes: (2,961)
Posts: 93
8/7/13 5:45 A

One thing you could do, is ask if you could go on the runs with him, and he could treat it like a fartlek. He can walk/jog slowly with you for 5 mins, then sprint ahead as fast as he can for one min, then jog back and walk with you. This is really good speed training, and means that you can do work together. If he refuses, tell him you're really happy that he has picked up exercise again, but you feel as if the support that he gave you, which you appreciated and thrived on, has diminished somewhat, and you're finding it hard to be motivated about getting fitter for yourself, him and your kids. If that doesn't work, you're probably going to have to find people outside of the family unit, OR find another exercise that you can do without him. Swimming is a good one I hear.

xoxo

Edited by: COOL_STUFF at: 8/7/2013 (05:46)
JUNKDRAWER Posts: 1,110
8/6/13 9:22 P

I worked my tail off and have lost a tiny piece of me. My husband started feeling guilty about sitting there while I was working out and decided to start running again. He's tall, he's super skinny, never had to worry about what he shoved in his mouth in his life etc. So now I feel like he's showing off. Honey, I busted my time from my last run, I'm going to enter all these races. blah, blah, blah. And out went the support for me, and now everything is focused on his goals and how fast he is. He used to go walking with me, not anymore. He's already done his miles for the day. I can't run due to an injury and now he's got our kids all excited about running. Something I can never do or be a part of, and I feel left out.

I guess it just feels like we have the same career that he's more successful at (as in I have to work another job so he can have his) and now something I was doing well in has been upstaged and taken over by him and what he wants. He's busted room in his schedule for him, but now I don't have the time for me anymore because I have to carry the load to support all the things he's doing without me.

So I've been watching my eating, but not so close, and it feels pointless to try to squeeze in excercise between all the things I take care of so he can have all the things he wants in his day. I know I should feel supportive and like its a great thing for HIM, but I feel shot down, put out, and that my needs don't matter anymore. I'm tired of feeling like everything is a competition and I always loose.

Sorry, just needed to vent that somewhere and see if someone could help me think about it differently. He is a good guy and a good father. I just wish something was for me and not always fouced on him.

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