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FAWNZIB SparkPoints: (10,643)
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Posts: 3,491
5/13/13 12:03 A

Hey Dyan Thanks for update. I think I would flip out if my son was in this situation.

DYANE357 Posts: 260
5/10/13 10:18 P

UPDATE: My son decided he couldn't miss his prom tonight, took a girl in his class! No, "the boss" didn't like and asked him to bring her to the office to meet her! (I thought that request was out of line) He didn't do it. He hasn't been at the office much this week because these are the last days of school for him, graduation prep is underway and he's got a renewed interest in college!
He seems less interested in "boss lady" so this is probably just running its course. But she does call him a lot. She's one of these that doesn't believe men and women can be just friends.
I did have a bit of a "run-in" with her this week because of another text message she "accidentally" sent me. I told her there is no way she could get my phone number and my son's number confused and as far as I was concerned, her sexy little messages were meant for me to see. I asked her what did she think could be gained allowing the 'Mom" see sexy texts from any girlfriend!
I found out this is her pattern of behavior at this office. Any single man that is in the place goes out with her. I didn't ask for any further details but I think it is ridiculous. Apparently nobody else does. I guess I am just old-fashioned but this sort of stuff seems unprofessional to me.
I hope I jumped to the wrong conclusions, saw catastrophe and overreacted. I do know I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut and sanity intact had it not been for my SPARKS FRIENDS and everyone's insight. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

FAWNZIB SparkPoints: (10,643)
Fitness Minutes: (6,671)
Posts: 3,491
5/10/13 10:03 P is this going? That would be hard to even deal with !! Hope he is moving on and away from that.

I am hoping he is leaving this behind him!

Edited by: FAWNZIB at: 5/13/2013 (00:01)
SIMONEKP Posts: 2,760
5/8/13 2:13 P

Boy, people are really judgy on both sides of this coin.

First, It is possible that they are just friends. I'm 34 and I have a several young men 16-24 that are my friends, they talk to me about stuff they don't want to or can't talk to their parents about. I try to give them the best advice and to help them develop their decision making skills. I'm friends with some of their parents, others I don't really know. When I was a young girl I had lots of older friends of both sexes.

Second, if they are in a relationship or fooling around, trying to tear them apart is going to make the bond between them stronger. It is the norm in our society for men to date younger women and no one blinks an eye even if they are multiple children. She could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to him. All you can do is talk to him about the relationship and try to get to know her so that you can form an informed opinion of her rather than just hating the idea of her based on stereotypes.

1GROVES2 Posts: 10,391
5/6/13 3:16 P

I think maybe there is a possibility that they are just friend....really! He could have ask her to Prom if he really wanted to go.....but... where does he work? Cause she must have a boss to answer to, and you could speak to her boss.
I really hope everything works out. My 23 yr old dau left her fiance and 2 yr old to move in with a man that was 23 years older than her (Yes, thats right, he was twice her age and 3 years older than me, 2 yrs older than her dad)....they lived together and I tried like heck to get along, but....She finally realized she was not what she wanted and got away from him after 5 yrs. She then had to build back a relationship with her son....Mother & son are getting along good and he moved in with her 2 yrs ago (He will graduate HS next year).....but it was a stressful and very unhappy time for a lot of us!
Best Wishes

TIME_TO_SHINE1 SparkPoints: (12,974)
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Posts: 437
5/6/13 12:57 P

when I met my husband I was 18 and he was 28. and he had a 3 years old son. We will be married 11 years on Thursday. My bio-father hates him to this day. We have not spoken to him in 10 years, he has never seen our two youngest children. I have reached out several times and I have finally given up. My father has never given a good falid reason for not liking my husband other than the fact of age difference. My advise would be to try and get to know the lady and then find out if you really don't like her or did you jump to judgement. I don't want you and your son to end up like me and my father.

CORTNEY-LEE SparkPoints: (67,852)
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5/4/13 6:24 P

That is a tough situation. I have been on both ends of the equation.

When I was 18, I hung out with an older guy... jobless, convicted felon (drug charges), dropped out of school in 9th grade, and a host of other things. My parents HATED him with a passion, but I wouldn't listen. It took me a while, but I figured it out on my own eventually before any major damage was done.

I am also been on the receiving end of a lot of negative vibes from a young man who I dated parents. I was several years (about 8) older than this young man, and we had a bit of a fling. I don't see what was quite wrong with me since I have a full time job, no children, no drug or alcohol problems, never been in jail nor arrested and come from a pretty decent family. For me, being with him was fun and made me feel good in a really bad time of my life. For him, I think it was a chance to learn about a world outside of the the area where he grew up in among other things that I will not mention, but I am sure you can draw your own conclusions.

I would hold off and see what happens. You never know... he may grow bored and want someone his own age, or they could have a long lasting relationship.

LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 4,690
5/3/13 2:50 A

I agree with you. This does sound like a catastrophe in the making. A grown woman with three children dating a high school kid (even though he's legally an adult at 18) eight years her junior really is outrageous. No, she's not a nice woman. No nice woman would do this. I would be really worried that she would end up pregnant again, this time by your son.

Unfortunately, I don't know what you can do to put a stop to this. All I can say is that, if he were my child, I'd want to put a stop to it too. You might want to get some professional advice on this (e.g. a counselor, psychologist, or even from a tough love group). One thing to remember is that your kid is still subject to your rules while he is living in your home whether he is 18 years old or not. But, if you're not careful, he may decide to move out of your house and move in with the 26 year old woman.

Edited by: LOVE4KITTIES at: 5/3/2013 (10:19)
MCFHARPIST SparkPoints: (62,128)
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5/3/13 12:20 A

Hopefully your son will simply move on in time. There's nothing you can do except hope and and pray.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/2/13 7:11 A

Right. And he might just not be ready for college! Prom is way overrated and expensive. I went, but I could have done without. I didn't go to college after high school right away. In fact...I really didn't have interest in hitting the books until 2010. I got my Associate's last year (I think...maybe it was 2011?) and now I'm working towards my Bachelor's.

DYANE357 Posts: 260
5/1/13 10:57 P

Thank you for your words. You are exactly right. I am holding her responsible for my son's lost interest in sports, deciding not to go to his prom or college, spending all extra time with her and her kids, etc. I even anticipate catastrophe because this woman is his boss. I am also trying to tell myself that I'm making this all about "me" because "I" wanted him to go to college; "I" wanted him to go to the prom; "I" don't think he should be involved with his boss; "I" should've never let him talk to her when she kept calling the house and so on. But as you wrote, all I can do is be there to support him.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
5/1/13 7:35 P

Advice how to cope, and some support. Mom, I will give you some tough love.
Eighteen year old's are legally adults, so you have to respect his decision to hang out with this woman.
You don't know the story behind the "two different fathers." She very well may have been in relationships with them, loved them, etc. and things didn't work out. You don't look at married women who have children with one relationship, and then get remarried and have a child with that man, so you're wrong with judging her because she's got three kids and two different fathers. Stuff happens. I'm sure she didn't grow up believing that is what was going to happen.
Why do you hate her? Is it because she's 8 years older than your son?
That's not fair, either. What about her makes you hate her? Do you even know anything about her other than she's already a mother?
It MIGHT be a stressful situation, but maybe it's time to let go a little bit, and trust that your son is doing what he thinks is best. Just be there for him if he falls on his face. That is our job as mothers once our kids grow up and become teens/legal adults. We have to cut the metaphorical umbilical cord and allow them to be friends/lovers/mates with whomsoever they choose.
My kids are only almost 11 and 7, but I remember being a young adult still. My mother, my grandmother, my father, my younger siblings...could not STAND my kids' father when we first got together when I was 20. I'm thirty five now-and we're still together. My younger brother and younger sister have already been divorced...My younger sister has since remarried, and my brother is dating here and there again. So...maybe there's something in her that he sees that you can't see yet.

Edited by: GLITTERFAIRY77 at: 5/2/2013 (07:15)
EBETHET Posts: 254
4/30/13 8:19 P

I am not there yet, my oldest is 15 but I understand the stress. Are you turning your emotions inward? Last year I lost my father, and I stopped logging my food and thought I was too tired to work on my weight. But when the crisis was over, I found that I regained a few pounds. Perhaps there is another way for you to vent your frustrations. A long walk? A warm bath?

Does he babysit for her? Sometimes there is no better birth control than a screaming child.

DYANE357 Posts: 260
4/30/13 12:19 P

My 18yr old son's 26yr old single mother of three (by 2 different fathers) boss at his part-time job after high school has been spending far too much time calling, texting and spending time after work with him lately. When he comes home, he claims they were 'just hanging out.' She claims they are just friends. I think they are both lying. Meanwhile, I see disaster on the way and yep, am hitting the comfort food. Just here looking for some support/advice etc.

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