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I feel so alone in this struggle



 
 
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FITJANE6
SparkPoints: (13,900)
Fitness Minutes: (10,640)
Posts: 301
8/27/12 10:11 A

You're doing great! 11 pounds (now 12) is great! Hang in there! The bad days can be really bad, but sticking with it, you'll have more and more good days! We're all in this together!



MICHELLEXXXX
SparkPoints: (6,026)
Fitness Minutes: (5,730)
Posts: 1,734
8/27/12 7:17 A

I am proud of you. I think 11lbs is a great loss. God bless.



SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (120,606)
Fitness Minutes: (32,354)
Posts: 20,993
8/26/12 4:55 P

My sweet, sometimes our minds play nasty tricks on us and LOOKS for the negatives rather than acknowledging the positives. SO WHAT you took 2 weeks to lose that weight - it is gone now - no longer being carried around. It sometimes took me a couple months to lose that but I looked at it as a gain ..... yes, A GAIN! It was a gain in my war against obesity! Overall it too 16 months to lose just over 50lb. You can see that it obviously didn't come off evenly all over that time - there were times it was faster, but times that I gained slightly, too! Look at my weight-ticker and you will see I am now at my goal, and have been maintaining for a long time (still weigh my food and use the nutrition tracker to stay maintaining).

Don't look for negatives because really there aren't any - instead CELEBRATE the fact that you are winning :-)

Kris

Kris



BHSKITTYKATT
SparkPoints: (80,119)
Fitness Minutes: (82,478)
Posts: 383
8/26/12 2:59 P

11lbs in 2.5 months is EXCELLENT!

And, you put the candy back! You realized it wasn't worth the guilt. You didn't lose, you WON!

It is an emotional and mental battle, and you have extra challenges to overcome. It isn't easy. But as others have said, you can very much reframe this as a SUCCESS story! You were an emotional wreck, but in hindsight you can turn that around!

So, go take a nice hot bubble bath. If you can afford it, treat yourself to some new clothes (new workout clothes, perhaps?). Or get some scented candles or something. REWARD yourself, because you just proved that YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR CHOICES!
emoticon



FIREMOM31
SparkPoints: (15,697)
Fitness Minutes: (3,488)
Posts: 939
8/26/12 10:17 A

I am no longer on the steroids, thank goodness, but I am on Synthroid and a few other meds. Except for the obvious thyroid/autoimmune disease issues, I don't think any of my other meds cause weight gain or water retention. I do think my thyroid autoimmune issues have slowed my metabolism greatly, though.

I am actually in counseling, and it does help, but nothing takes away those moments completely. I think I have a hard time seeing a success for what it is. Just this morning I weighed in and had lost another pound for a total of 12 down so far. At first I was excited, but when I put it in my tracker I saw that it had taken 2 weeks to lose a pound and my excitement disappeared and was replaced by wondering what I'm doing wrong. I plan to address this with my counselor this week.

Thanks so much for all the support, you guys are awesome!



SLIMMERKIWI
SparkPoints: (120,606)
Fitness Minutes: (32,354)
Posts: 20,993
8/26/12 5:10 A

Well, my thoughts are that you deserve a HUGE pat on your back ! You have done really well to lose the weight you have, especially considering the serious health issues you have faced. Are you still on medication which can contribute to weight gain? I noted in your SparkPage that you were taking steroids! There are other meds which can cause this, too, including for depression or related issues. Apart from the motivation articles in the Healthy Lifestyle section, I wonder if you could do with some Therapy to help you cope with this. It is a form of Eating Disorder, and often health/emotional issues will compound the issue.

The other thing I will mention is that you are working long hours. When I mentioned to my Dietitian that when I am really tired I tend to have quite a sweet tooth and want to eat more, she said this was very common, and to try to increase the protein a little instead. ( I NEVER had a sweet tooth prior to weight-loss.)

Now, hopefully those tears are dried, and have been replaced by a beautiful smile, basking in the knowledge that not only are you not alone, but that you are actually doing really well!

Kris



POETICJUSTUS
Posts: 2,787
8/26/12 3:13 A

Farmgirl you are not alone. Yes 11 pounds is GREAT emoticon You're my S'hero girl, weather you felt like crying or did actually cry nothing taste as good as healthy feels. You ROCK! keep on keeping on. I'm with you. emoticon



FARMGIRL1968
SparkPoints: (3,236)
Fitness Minutes: (2,409)
Posts: 172
8/25/12 7:27 P

I think 11 pounds is great! I have days where I'm strong and there is no problem saying no. Then comes the day where i just don't have it in me. I understand where u r coming from! I was at water aerobics yesterday and i really didn't want to b there but i was keeping up w the class. After class one of the lady's brought in a huge birthday cake for the instructer. It was filled w cream and covered in choc covered strawberry's.i knew it would put me way over for the day but i was holding back tears the entire time they were cutting and serving it. Then i felt really stupid for wanting to cry over a piece of cake. It is a constant struggle for me too.



KOMTRIA
Posts: 347
8/25/12 5:00 P

I think you are amazing and strong. Anyone could have resisted the candy when they were on top of the world. You were struggling and put them back. That took strength. That is amazing. You should pat yourself on the back.



FIREMOM31
SparkPoints: (15,697)
Fitness Minutes: (3,488)
Posts: 939
8/25/12 3:28 P

Thanks everyone for all the support, it really does help.

MICHELLEXXXX, I did belong to OA many years ago when I lived in the city. Now that I'm out in cow country, I don't have the time or gas money to go. I may look into seeing if my employer is interested in starting one up (I work for a hospital). Thanks for reminding me how helpful OA was in the past.

ARCHIMEDESII, I do allow myself treats if I can eat them and still stay under my calorie limit. Unfortunately, the peanut butter cups would have put me over, that's why I put them back. I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself because I even have to worry about it.

I'm going to focus on not being so hard on myself, though.



ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (135,654)
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Posts: 20,172
8/25/12 2:35 P

FIREMOM31,

You are not a bad person or a weak willed person because you wanted to have a treat. Spark People isn't about deprivation. It's all about moderation and portion control. I can't imagine living a life where I wasn't allowed to eat something because I was worried I'd gain weight. That's not healthy. Yes, a reese's peanut butter cup or even a donut CAN be a part of a healthy life style.

Don't look at good health or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality. If the only healthy thing you were to do for yourself was to drink 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction.

Now, while a safe weekly weight loss would be 1-2 pounds per week. there may be weeks you don't lose. There may even be weeks you gain ! And that doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. This is not the Biggest Loser. the weight doesn't magically drop off the minute we decide we need to lose. Weight loss really is a slow steady process that takes time. I know we'd all love for the weight to be gone over night, but it's not that simple. I wish it were.

So, don't beat yourself up because the weight isn't coming off as fast as you'd like. You really ARE making excellent progress !!!

Also, it's okay to have a treat once in a while. If you deprive yourself, you're just going to make yourself miserable. Healthy people (and I count myself as being pretty healthy now), have occasional treats. Yes, I've been known to eat a donut. Although, I prefer the reese's peanut butter cups too.

As long as you don't eat them every single day, there is absolutely no reason you can't have one once in a while. And smack your hubby upside the head for me. He should know better to make statements like that. Weight loss really is a lot more than just putting down the fork. In fact, in order for a person to lose weight, they should be picking up that fork more often. I know this is going to sound strange, but a person has to eat in order to lose weight.

Eating too little can hinder a person's loss, not help it. While it's true that most Americans eat too much and need to eat less, the problem is that they are eating too much of the wrong food and not enough of the right food. Quality of the food you eat has a huge impact not only on your waistline, but your health too.

You really are doing just fine, give yourself more credit. And definitely cut yourself some slack. You're not a machine. You're trying to change habits learned over a life time. that's not going to happen overnight, a week, a month or even a year. Change takes time. Thus the need to be patient with yourself and your body.





HONEY777
Posts: 185
8/25/12 2:06 P

Hi Firemom,
I agree with the others, you should be proud of yourself for what you accomplished!
You beat temptation, that makes you a stronger person. This is an amazing site for all of us. We can get so much information on motivation, diet, exercise, support and so much else.
I like to look at the motivation stories. You know what? You motivate me. Yours was a success story! Louise



MICHELLEXXXX
SparkPoints: (6,026)
Fitness Minutes: (5,730)
Posts: 1,734
8/25/12 1:50 P

Have you ever looked into OA meetings?



YELLOWDAHLIA
SparkPoints: (82,826)
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Posts: 11,640
8/25/12 12:46 P

I'll tell you how I get through the grocery store without buying "goodies."
I never go grocery shopping when I'm hungry- ever! I only shop once a week and I go after eating my big "splurge" breakfast on Saturday morning. I'm so full that the candy, cookies etc... don't even look good to me.
That's what works for me.



BRITOMART
Posts: 7,357
8/25/12 12:33 P

Hi, Firemom...you "only" lost 11 pounds in 2.5 months? that's perfectly on target. Congratulations for that (and for managing the hashbrown hurdle.)

Healthy weight loss isn't 'biggest loser,' it's more like AA--one day, one bite, one choice at a time. Sorry you feel you are alone. You aren't. And...maybe see it as an adventure where you are heroically doing battle against all these tempting enemies of "too much" and "just one more bite." I find that mindset is much more useful (when I can remember it...my brain tends to flip the rolodex at inconvenient moments) than thinking success or failure.

Good outcomes to you!



FIREMOM31
SparkPoints: (15,697)
Fitness Minutes: (3,488)
Posts: 939
8/25/12 10:49 A

Thanks, Emeraldware, that helps more than I can tell you. I guess I need to turn my thinking around and see the fact that I put it back as "I won" instead of feeling sorry for myself. I managed to get through cooking hash browns, toast and fried eggs for hubby (while I ate grapes and yogurt) this morning. Hah! Cholesterol and fat did not win this morning either! Thanks again :)



EMERALDWARE
SparkPoints: (11,176)
Fitness Minutes: (2,173)
Posts: 134
8/25/12 10:39 A

I know it's not the same as having people to talk about this face-to-face, but you always have plenty of people here who TOTALLY get where you are coming from. Candy at the checkout counter definitely has a siren call! I struggle with that every time I go shopping; sometimes I am the victor and I don't buy it, and sometimes I give in (although as time passes, I am the victor more times than not).

Rather than seeing this as a failure, see it as a SUCCESS. You were tempted; most people would be. But in the end you did put it back and that is awesome. You don't have to be perfect 100% of the time, but each time you make a healthy choice it means that those choices will eventually become easier to make in the future.

I know how easy it is to get emotional over things that seem so small to some others. It makes me feel weak and powerless and dumb for being controlled by candy. But you know what? Every time I don't give in I realize that THAT is the true success; simply feeling temptation is not a weakness, it's an opportunity to show what you are made of!

I'm proud of you for making a healthy decision, even when it wasn't easy. That means a lot more than making healthy decisions when it IS easy. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are awesome. :)

PS. You say you've "only lost 11 pounds", but I would say "Holy crap, you lost 11 pounds! That's awesome!". :)

Edited by: EMERALDWARE at: 8/25/2012 (10:40)


FIREMOM31
SparkPoints: (15,697)
Fitness Minutes: (3,488)
Posts: 939
8/25/12 9:51 A

I had a bad experience at the grocery store yesterday that left me fighting back tears. For a little background - I have been tracking every scrap I put in my mouth since mid-June. I have been exercising 5-7 days a week. I work 10 hour shifts, 4 or 5 days a week at a desk. I get up as often as I can and walk, stretch, etc. I have degenerative disc disease and Hashimoto's, and take Synthroid following a thyroidectomy two years ago. I work alone all day. My husband is usually the only person I interact with, and he is thin with the metabolism of a rabbit. His idea of weight loss is "put down the fork". Since being back on SP, I have only lost 11 lbs. I have found this very frustrating and thought perhaps my thyroid meds needed adjusted. My wonderful Dr agreed and I had them checked yesterday morning. They came back very good. Obviously having normal labs is a good thing, but I felt such a let down, because that means my lack of progress is my fault. Again, no one to talk to about my feelings about this. After work, I went to the grocery store. I kept looking at the candy, donuts, and other baked goods, and I swear I could taste them. I passed them by until I got to the checkout. I tried to focus on how good the grapes in my cart would taste, but ultimately picked up some Reese cups and put them in my cart. I could feel tears welling up as I dropped them in the cart. Just before I got to the register, I grabbed the candy and put it back. I wanted to cry the whole time. I came home and told my husband about it and it was obvious he had no understanding at all. He tried, telling me he was sorry, but I needed someone who understood what I was feeling. Not his fault, he just doesn't get it. I really have no one to talk to who understand the awful relationship I have with food, Most days I can deal with it, but yesterday was almost more than I can stand, and I don't know how to shake it off today. I need an attitude adjustment in the worst way. Thanks for reading...



 
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