Thank you very much to everyone that commented on my post. I have found a psychologist that can help with this specific problem and will start seeing her in the next two weeks. I will keep everyone posted on what the verdict is. I also think it is a great idea to go to the doctor to get a full check up. Thanks again to everyone.
Definitely talk to a professional, because... You know what? They might say you don't have a disorder. There are some questions they'll need to ask, but since it sounds as if the situation hasn't gone on very long, it's entirely possible that you're just still dealing with the physical (and to a lesser extent emotional) effects of one bad diet experience. It's not necessarily abnormal to desperately want rich foods after several months of starvation-- it's a survival mechanism, in fact. Don't let the fear that something's "wrong with you" stop you from getting an exam that might reveal that you're fine.
And make sure you get a physical check-up as well as one with a counselor. Medical issues like anemia and vitamin D deficiency can cause some of the "I don't want to do anything" symptoms that you're assuming are emotional.
I'm not saying that you don't have some sort of eating disorder; that's why you need a professional evaluation. I'm just saying that the situation probably isn't quite as scary as it seems. You will probably come out of that consult feeling MUCH better than you do right now, so get it taken care of as soon as you can.
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I agree, you should talk to a doctor. If you're looking for support, however, Sparkpeople has an eating disorder community set of message boards, and if I recall, it's for people in all sorts of stages with all sorts of concerns. I came across it while I was exploring the website a few weeks back so unfortunately I don't remember where to find it, but if you do some searching, you'll probably be able to find it. Good luck.
As someone who has struggled with eating disorders for more than 25 years, I can assure you that without GOOD advice from a doctor, you're going to continue to struggle. That being said, not all doctors are created equal. Be sure to get one that specializes in the issues you face.
The one piece of advice I can give you is to start thinking about WHY do you this. It's not about the weight loss. That seems like the obvious answer, but it isn't. Often personal perceptions about control or a lack of control are what fuels this sort of obsession. Try to figure out what other parts of your life you feel the need to control...and if you are obsessing in those areas as well. For me, it was school. Anything less than perfect was unacceptable for me.
I think it's great that you're talking about how you're feeling, and you should never be ashamed of what's going on. The important thing is that you recognize there is a problem, and you want to do something about it.
SparkPeople is a great place to get support as you work to get healthier. But we aren't a replacement for that professional, one-on-one help that it sounds like you need. I would strongly recommend talking to someone who specializes in eating disorders to get their take on the situation. Eating disorders come in all different forms and varying degrees, and a professional can help you get a handle on what's going on.
Here's an article about recognizing the signs of an eating disorder that I'd also encourage you to read:
I am gonna talk about this here because I am too ashamed to talk to anyone I know about this. I think I made a mistake. The beginning of the year I decided to make changes in my life. I was about 13kgís overweight, lived off chocolates and junk food and hardly ever exercised. My job is very demanding, so I used it as the excuse for all my bad habits. The New Year came and I decided all at once, to stop every bad habit I had. I quit smoking, went on a VERY strict diet and started full on exercising again. I did really well. In three months, I had lost over 10kgís, was feeling fantastic and skinny again, I followed everything sacredly. The diet I was on, was very limited and everything I ate had to be weighed. I could only really eat green vegetables, was limited to game or chicken and no way was I allowed to have any trace of sugar or fat. Also carbs was the bare minimum. It is the one where you inject yourself with HCG and it speeds up your weight loss. Towards the end, I didnít have enough energy to exercise anymore, so I stopped exercising. Then I had a few binges on the diet, all I wanted was a bit of variety, change, something other than the same stuff every day Ė but it turned into a complete overload. I gained weight when I did it and then dieted to get rid of it. I can literally almost count on two hands what I was allowed to include in my diet, but I was obsessed so I couldnít stop. I weighed myself every morning and when I didnít lose anything, I panicked and limited myself even more. I felt horrible, got sick and stayed sick for about 3 weeks and through two courses of antibiotic. My family and friends started telling me to go back to normal because they could see I was so unhappy and it was reflecting in every part of my life. It got to the point where I realized what was happening and I just stopped it completely to save myself from disaster. The diet had other phases that I had to do to maintain the weight loss, but even those were so limited that I couldnít do it. I knew that I would gain the weight back, so I made an appointment with a Dietician to help me at least maintain the weight loss I had worked so hard to achieve. I felt happy that I made the decision and I also had enough energy to start exercising again. Here is my problem. During this ordeal, something shifted in my mind, or changed. I see food in a different way completely. I can never stop thinking about it and all I want to do is stuff my face with chocolates, and binge completely. I am trying all the healthy options sometimes, but I am completely out of control now. I know exactly what to do to avoid it binging or sugar cravings or any unhealthy feeling, I know all the tricks of avoiding these binges, but somehow I just canít stop doing them. Al of a sudden Iím impulsive and I canít say no to myself, even though I know what I am doing is wrong. I want to be able to eat all these things that I wasnít allowed to. I have all the tools to live a healthy lifestyle and be the best I can, but my head isnít playing along. And itís not only the eating. I make excuses in my mind not to exercise, not to do my work properly, not to care about anything and be a moody lame person. Anyone that knows me, knows that is not who I am. I strive in everything I do. I am a top performer. Does anyone have any advice for me. I think I am unhappy because I am obsessed with my weight now and at the same time obsessed with food, and I know what I am doing is gonna make me gain weight, but then I donít care at that moment, only regret it later. I think I am getting to the point where I want to eat what I want and stick my finger down my throat. I donít want that. Please help.
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