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KKLENNERT809 Posts: 10,742
12/30/12 5:58 P

Going thru life alone, isn't always a bad thing. I am in a marriage to an alcoholic who refuses to get help. We are, I say WE, because it affects me every day, at rock bottom. I am out of self esteem and confidence, but I am going to get a plan to get out of this way of life. I long to be alone so I don't have to go thru this living hell every day.

TACDGB Posts: 6,136
12/30/12 5:56 P

so are you looking for a partner in life or someone to take care of you........? If you are looking for a partner get yourself out there....... And children are not ment for taking care of you. Children are a blessing.

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,334
12/30/12 5:48 P

Set yourself up to be as independent as possible and develop your confidence level. Make a plan for your future and set out to enjoy life whether you marry or not. Develop close relationships regardless of marriage status if you do not want to be alone. Be a good neighbor, mentor younger people, and be a good listener.

Make friends with people with common interests. Look for friendship with many kinds of people first. Try new things, do volunteer work, travel, join a club or take a class and just meet people.

Be open minded and friendly. Don't reject people as not being right for you based on appearance or age. Rethink your priorities. Really get to know a man before deciding he is right or wrong for a relationship.

Why are the guys you are attracted to too young for you? How big of an age gap is it? I think you should consider maturity and responsibility level rather than age.
I married a man who is 6 years younger than me and at first I felt a little odd being the older one but he was mature, responsible, we had common interests and a lot of his friends are older. We have been happily married for 13 years and the age difference doesn't really matter.

PIKA1319 Posts: 127
12/30/12 10:50 A

Would you rather be alone or trapped in an unhealthy/abusive relationship? Because that's where most people end up when they get desperate - they'll cling on to the first person that shows the slightest interest. Abusers watch for and know exactly how to take advantage of that! Just saying, be careful what you wish for...

Also, from your post, it doesn't really sound like you want a relationship, it sounds like all you really want is a caretaker. (Not trying to be rude, but that's how it read to me. And if I misinterpreted that, others will likely also).

Like others have said, stop focusing on it and just live your life as best you can. You do have to put forth some effort (going out places, etc.), but don't overly focus on it.

HEALTHY-SPARK SparkPoints: (43,082)
Fitness Minutes: (49,983)
Posts: 1,073
11/11/12 11:16 A

I completely understand where you are coming from (I'm 39 and still single -- can you believe it?! lol). Anyway, I think you've just got to get out there and do things that you enjoy and focus on living life. Since I just moved to a new city where I know absolutely no one, I've made it one of my SP goals to "do something social three times a week". So I've joined a bunch of groups/clubs and get out hiking and meeting people. For now I'm just trying to concentrate on building my local circle of friends.

JICKEE Posts: 586
11/11/12 10:47 A

I have been married 3 times, #1-Divorced after 3 years, #2-Widowed after 17 years, #3-Happily married for 11 years now. I was 51 years old when we got married. It is never too late.

FIRECOM SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (11,796)
Posts: 5,855
11/11/12 10:37 A

It will happen. We have been married for 55 years and at this point in my life, I cant imagine being single but should that occure, I sincerely doubt that I would seek another. Tough to improve on perfection which I have enjoyed for these so many years.

Maybe, just maybe, your are looking too hard. Relax and let it flow.

SHARBEAR2012 Posts: 125
11/11/12 10:00 A

Good advice, Sirensongs! I thought I was destined to be overweight until I (re)discovered Sparkpeople this summer. Now I'm trying to get down to goal weight asap so I can start dating again. I want to get as close to my goal as possible because I don't like dating 'chubby chasers'! The ones I've dated in the past don't want me to get too thin. (what???!!!) That's wrong for so many reasons - but mostly health and physical problems (knees, ankle, back pain, inflammation, heart issues, sleep apnea, etc).

SIRENSONGS SparkPoints: (57,040)
Fitness Minutes: (28,206)
Posts: 2,002
11/11/12 9:27 A

You can't give up! At the same time, you can't stop living your life just because you are single. My advice would be, yes, get out there and do things, but don't have expectations everywhere you go. Just be yourself, and the right person will gravitate to you eventually. I have always met the best men when I was least expecting. Just trust in the universe. You will meet somebody. You just have to be patient.

KELLIEBEAN Posts: 6,127
11/11/12 8:47 A

I agree with MLAN! You have to get out there. Find volunteer opportunities, maybe at a hospital or facility that treats people on dialysis. You meet people that experience or understand people with your health issues.

After my divorce at 36, I thought this is it. Nobody will want me with two kids and I was living with my parents for financial reasons. I'll just watch my kids grow up and be satisfied with that.

I met the man of my dreams at a wake of all places six years ago. You just never know. Keep your mind and your heart open. You deserve happiness.

MLAN613 Posts: 17,766
11/11/12 8:07 A

Online Now  • ))
I understand! I am the same age as you just about. (I turn 40 in December.) And I have been married just 2 1/2 years. I honestly thought I'd never, ever be married. My only suggestions is to get yourself out there and participate in life. If you want to meet someone, I imagine you will someday.

NWLIFESRC Posts: 9,316
11/11/12 6:38 A

I don't think anyone does

EOWYN2424 Posts: 9,108
11/11/12 4:33 A

Hi, I'm 40 year old woman and still single. I'm not unattractive and I'm a nice person. But I still don't have a boyfriend. I had a boyfriend when I was in Uni, but he ended up marrying someone younger and he's now in another country far, far away from me. Since then, I haven't found anyone that I cared for as much.

Most men in their 40s that I know of don't attract me (pot bellies, smoker etc). Those that do attract me, however, are too young for me. And most attractive men are already attached, I find. I'm just so afraid that I'll have to walk myself to an old folk's home when I can't take care of myself anymore!

I just wish I had a hubby, and possibly some kids (most probably adopted as my health won't permit my own pregnancies) that will take care of me when I'm too old to take care of myself. But I don't think anyone wants me because I'm getting old now and I'm perceived as a burden because I'm on dialysis.

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