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I didn't know where else to turn... (long post)



 
 
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JESS-B-CAUSE
Posts: 72
1/2/12 6:15 P

I just read your post and I was wondering how things are going??
I just have a few questions...
The self esteem issue, why? is it all due to your skin condition? Or other things? May I ask what your skin condition is??
Remeber that there is always someone out there that is worse off. Did you wake up and open your eyes this morning? Could you see all the beautiful colors? Could you hear the noises around you? Did you get out of bed or did you have to be lifted?? These are all things that we need to focus on and stop worrying about the little things that really ( in the long run) don't matter. I am sure you are a beautiful girl.

As far as your relationship with your mom?? I am sorry that things are the way that they are!! Just remember that she is as musch of a person as you are. You both have issues to deal with, as we all do. Give her space. Ask her to talk about your feelings with you. Be grown up and have a real conversation. Take turns. Listen, don't interrupt. And if she stil wants to play mind games and give cold shoulders.... maybe it is best that she is not talking with you right now. Maybe you need to distance yourself from that negativity.

Find a support group of some kind in your town. Get out, become your own person with your own friends!!! 19 is young!!!! You have a whole life ahead of you!!! xoxox Good luck and feel free to sparkmail me if you wanna talk.





BRENNA84
SparkPoints: (45,108)
Fitness Minutes: (50,652)
Posts: 1,857
12/26/11 6:05 A

first of all, exercise or join like a dance class. You do get self esteem from seeing what your body can accomplish.

tell your mom to please be patient with you and that right now you're just too sensitive to take jokes in stride right now.

make up. its worth it.



TINA2OLD
SparkPoints: (4,617)
Fitness Minutes: (3,454)
Posts: 202
12/14/11 11:57 A

Great advice from everybody!!! That is definently the best solution is to walk away before things get to bad, Don't let things bother your and this is not an easy task but you can sure do it with some effort!! There is never a good reason for bad behavior and we all do slip some times but don't let anybody treat you badly, you don't deserve that! I have 2 daughters that had low self esteem and I recently put them both in Karate class and they have both perked up so much just in a month and not only that, they are getting great exercise on top of the self esteem!!! Keep your chin up you can do this!



GABBYSAPPHI
Posts: 38
12/4/11 9:21 A

Thanks for all of the replies, and sorry for my late reply, I wasn't getting any emails for this thread. Reading all of the replies was really lifting and didn't make me feel so alone :) I'm learning to just walk away or let everything go when I get upset. It's really difficult for me but at least I'm making a conscious effort because it's too draining to get upset at people who can't understand me.

Thank you!



ANDREADAV
SparkPoints: (10,837)
Fitness Minutes: (9,140)
Posts: 151
11/20/11 9:22 A

I have to agree that walking away before you get upset and setting another day/time to talk is a very good idea and also finding positive people will help. Also finding a support group for your skin condition will probably help so you can talk about how you feel and have others that understand you.



PEGSTOLZ
SparkPoints: (10,687)
Fitness Minutes: (17,105)
Posts: 208
11/20/11 2:33 A

You are already doing a great job in putting yourself together as an adult!!! It takes a few years to really get started on that, emotionally, and it sounds like you will be making some good friends and learning at the university, very soon, if not already.
Politely but firmly and kindly (!) tell your mom that you will need to call her or talk to her on another day or time, (you can even set the time/day) but you are busy with _______ right now, whenever she begins the negative comments. Walk away from it before it gets too bad, or you get upset. I know that making a plan to talk at another time works, because I am a mom of 2 daughters who are both just a little older than you are! We moms often mean well but we do need to back off sometimes, and sometimes parents don't realize you are growing into your own person and it takes a lot of fits and starts.
When you are away from the situation, calm down, make sure you are doing something else that is positive but that helps you get your mind off that situation, like sports, working out, going to a movie, reading, studying, working, volunteering, etc. Think of talking to your mom about something else, when you get back to talking, so that the emphasis is not on that which hurts you but maybe something you both enjoy. Hopefully, she'll realize how much you love her and your relationship will continue to grow and change in a healthy way. I'm sure she needs you as much as you need her. Hope this helps you - I really could identify with your situation and have found that I needed to grow and learn more, as a mom of adult children, as well as they needed to grow as adults!!!



PEGSTOLZ
SparkPoints: (10,687)
Fitness Minutes: (17,105)
Posts: 208
11/20/11 2:07 A

You are already doing a great job in putting yourself together as an adult!!! It takes a few years to really get started on that, emotionally, and it sounds like you will be making some good friends and learning at the university, very soon, if not already.
Politely but firmly and kindly (!) tell your mom that you will need to call her or talk to her on another day or time, (you can even set the time/day) but you are busy with _______ right now, whenever she begins the negative comments. Walk away from it before it gets too bad, or you get upset. I know that making a plan to talk at another time works, because I am a mom of 2 daughters who are both just a little older than you are! We moms often mean well but we do need to back off sometimes, and sometimes parents don't realize you are growing into your own person and it takes a lot of fits and starts.
When you are away from the situation, calm down, make sure you are doing something else that is positive but that helps you get your mind off that situation, like sports, working out, going to a movie, reading, studying, working, volunteering, etc. Think of talking to your mom about something else, when you get back to talking, so that the emphasis is not on that which hurts you but maybe something you both enjoy. Hopefully, she'll realize how much you love her and your relationship will continue to grow and change in a healthy way. I'm sure she needs you as much as you need her. Hope this helps you - I really could identify with your situation and have found that I needed to grow and learn more, as a mom of adult children, as well as they needed to grow as adults!!!



ROWER03
Posts: 109
11/19/11 3:49 P

Sending you support! We are who we are. Please choose to love who you are.

It is difficult for people who are deep in problems to help others. So, you can wish them well, stand on your strengths, and meet solidly-grounded people; for example at your university.

You can begin by choosing kind/compassionate people to surround you. Fortunately, the world includes so many different personalities/temperments. Find the support you need by meeting new people. I agree with the other poster, that a support group is a good place to express emotions about your skin condition.

Edited by: ROWER03 at: 11/19/2011 (15:50)


NPPMOM
Posts: 595
11/19/11 10:04 A

Sorry you're having a difficult time with your mother. I personally don't think I'd deal with my child the way she is dealing with you, but my son is 4 so maybe by the time he's 19 I'll be in a different mind set:-) I do think you should try to find some way to deal with your low self esteem. Maybe you could try to find some kind of support group (I would imagine one exist for people with your skin condition) that will help you be less self conscience about your looks? It sounds like you could use some people separate from your mother for emotional support.

Good luck!



GABBYSAPPHI
Posts: 38
11/19/11 7:06 A

Before I carry on with telling my story, I should mention that I am generally an over average emotional person. I have always been a cry baby and I still haven't learned how to keep my emotions in check.

I have a skin condition which I'm always conscious of and am constantly worrying about what people will think of me. My mum told me in a joking way that she had gotten something similar to what I had and that I was "contagious". As you can imagine, instead of seeing the funny side of it, I immediately became upset and defensive and started to cry. When my mum asked me what was wrong I told her how hurt I was at being called contagious because I don't have high self-esteem or confidence. She told me how she's had enough of dealing with this kind of thing and if I wanted to take pity on myself to go and do it elsewhere. She also told me to act my age (I'm 19).

Another thing you have to know is that my mum has dealt with a lot of crap from a lot of people in her life that she didn't deserve so I can understand where she's coming from, and also there's a lot of stress in our family right now. The thing is, is that she's trying her best not to talk to me and she had only just started talking to me again after another thing happened. Am I in the wrong? I'm 19 but I'm not overly independent and I hate it when we don't talk because due to situations my mum is the only one I have.

I talked to her about it and said I was sorry I was inconsiderate and that I made her feel bad but I does that mean I can't be emotional at all around her? Was I completely in the wrong by getting emotional? I don't know how to build up my confidence and I want to be someone who isn't so affected by things. I don't know how to not care. I'm trying to talk to her like everything is normal but it's obvious there's strain and she won't talk to me voluntarily.

This is really affecting my skin condition and making me eat sugar which I'm trying to cut out because it affects my skin condition badly as well. Plus I have added stress of university work and other crap which isn't helping.

Please help!

P.S. Sorry for the long post!



 
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