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I am my own antagonist. Sort of. (See?!)



 
 
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WHISPERED-HOPE
SparkPoints: (1,172)
Fitness Minutes: (195)
Posts: 6
5/28/12 3:42 P

I appreciate the responses you gave. I am seeing a therapist right now, but not for weight loss issues. (Childhood issues.) I've shied away from approaching the topic with her, as she herself is overweight - nearly twice my own size, actually, and so I'm not sure how to complain to her about this without awkwardness. The thought has occurred to me though, that she *is* a very emotionally secure woman (you'd hope so, seeing her job choice and all, lol) so it may be something I talk to her about.

I will look into the things mentioned. I appreciate the contributions and insight.

Cheers!



SEALIONGIRL
Posts: 300
5/28/12 11:16 A

It sounds to me like you need some REAL help... not a doctor who will encourage you to starve yourself. I think an experienced nutritionist and fitness coach would really make a difference for you. You seem like you want to get healthy but just don't have the tools right now.

I also think (and don't take this the wrong way) that a therapist might be extremely beneficial for you. Weight loss is a mental battle just as much as a physical one, and working through some of those self-defeatist sentiments will probably help you get on track. All the best!



JEANINNEWCASTLE
Posts: 2,020
5/28/12 11:14 A

Believe me, I understand the desire to cry and give up. I've been there. But then I realized that self pity (which is what it is for me) doesn't help me. It's my body and my health. Here is a blog post I wrote about the very good advice one of my doctor's gave me on being my own advocate: www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_
individual.asp?blog_id=4886032


Edited by: JEANINNEWCASTLE at: 5/28/2012 (11:16)


WHISPERED-HOPE
SparkPoints: (1,172)
Fitness Minutes: (195)
Posts: 6
5/28/12 10:07 A

Thanks for the advice. I will look into the monitor system. I suppose what I had difficulty in expressing through my abundance in rambling is that sometimes, no matter what information I am presented with about my situation, I tend to focus on it very pessimistically. I do feel that I've been through some weird situations, such as my bizarre doctor visit....the stubbornness of my weight loss and my resistance to supplements.

I guess the big question is....how can I defeat myself? Everyone has struggles, problems....maybe a few of us have insane doctors, I don't know about that one....nevertheless, my point is....What do you do when you want to sit down and cry? Give up? I know....I know, the answer is move on anyway, but that is SOOOOO much easier to say than to do. In fact, most of the time, I find myself in a catch-22, because I feel guilty that I'm mulling around not doing anything, so I mull around even more, thus perpetuating the guilt over mulling, thus making it worse, thus I mull some more. And when I realized I've done nothing but mull around all day, can you guess what I do to sooth this pain? I exercise. No! I mull some more. I even had to mull about for a few days on how to get my point back on track and respond to this thread. I'm hopeless! :) Not really, but it sure feels that way some days.

I appreciate the responses, and hope that my rambling either sheds light on a similar situation so that someone out there knows that they aren't alone, or at the very least, brings a moderate amount of entertainment value to those who may have no idea what I'm still rambling about.

Cheers!




JEANINNEWCASTLE
Posts: 2,020
5/26/12 10:29 P

I am pre-diabetic. What I've found is that what my doctor told me was "ok" because it wasn't at a level that is clinically bad, was still hurting my body. I got a glucometer. I got one free online and then pay a pretty penny for the test strips, but you can get a cheap one that you have to pay for at Walmart and pay a smaller amount for strips. I was shocked to find that my ok fasting glucose levels were not the whole picture. I found that my body is insulin resistant. I am very sensitive to carbs and my blood sugar level goes up too high if I have too many carbs. When your glucose level is too high, your body releases insulin. Insulin is a hormone that is a fat storer. I am working very hard (on a low carb diet) to keep my blood glucose levels two hours after eating at 120 or less.



WHISPERED-HOPE
SparkPoints: (1,172)
Fitness Minutes: (195)
Posts: 6
5/24/12 3:05 P

Thank you for the response. To answer your question, the pill he prescribed me was "Fastin" - which is an appetite suppressant. Basically, like many people, he took one look at me and assumed I have an issue with stuffing my face. =) I also suspect that was the source of the "Starve yourself" pep talk. I'm sure he didn't want me to literally starve myself....but he wanted to me do what he assumed a glutton would define as starvation, which is eat normally. Unfortunately, he has it wrong, but I'm still so stunned by his advice and further, embarrassed of what he and others must think of me....that I have no idea what to do in regards to further medical attention. And, yes, he definitely made it clear that he didn't want me progressing to the next stage, it's just that the message was not delivered in a very tactful, nor safe manner.

Diabetes is something that runs in my family, and I have done a bit of research on it, although I am by no means extremely well educated on the topic. Sometimes, during the course of my ranting, I can oftentimes misrepresent what point I was actually trying to make in the first place.

Another thing you mentioned that I wanted to clear up: "The first thing the coaches, community members, and seasoned Spark members will say is that it is not a fad diet."

I didn't mean to imply that I thought SparkPeople was a fad diet - I didn't really think of it as a diet program anyway, actually, although, I suppose it could be defined as one. I was referring to other diet programs (probably best not to name names) but that promise amazing results by using product X.

Actually, my point was quite the opposite - that I joined this community because of my confidence in the legitimacy of it. I'm new, so I'm still learning about what resources are available.

I will look into your advice on the endocrinologist. I'm fairly certain my insurance will be a little too picky for such a expenditure, but it doesn't hurt to check it out. Thanks again!



FEDGIRL4
Posts: 1,871
5/24/12 2:15 P

My oh my, lots of information. Pre-diabetic readings are not necessarily dangerous. Pre-diabetic is an A1C of 5.7 and up. I think what your doctor meant was he does not want you to go to the dangerous level. Diabetic is A1C of 6.5 and up. Did he give you a diet pill or Metformin? Metformin is a pill they start diabetics (and SOMETIMES pre-diabetics) with to see if you can get your blood sugar and A1C numbers in check. Of course with proper food intake and regular exercise. Also, since there is so much conflicting information, A1C and blood sugar numbers are very subjective.

The first thing the coaches, community members, and seasoned Spark members will say is that it is not a fad diet. You are on track that you want to change your life style and to recognize it is a life long change. They will also encourage you to view some of the Spark videos and read the articles and blogs on where to start. The first thing is to start recording your food intake on the Food Tracker. Don't change what you eat. Just record it for a week or two. This will make you more aware of what you eat and in what portions. You can then start to make conscious changes for the better. This will also make you more aware of your trigger foods and when you consume more calories. Over time you might see that three meals a day is best for you. Maybe smaller more frequent meals are best.

Bike riding is great. Challenge yourself. Take a different route, including some hills. Incorporate that with mild strength training with small loose weights. If you want, join a gym. If not, don't.

All in all, you have to find what is best for you. As far as doctors, for thyroid and blood sugar, if your health insurance will cover it, I would see an endocrinologist.



WHISPERED-HOPE
SparkPoints: (1,172)
Fitness Minutes: (195)
Posts: 6
5/24/12 12:01 P

Discouragement is something I've felt my entire life. I have my reasons, and believe me, it'd take a novel to contain them all...but let's just say that through experience, I have learned to cope with disappointment by anticipating it's outcome, and thus not being taken by surprise. Expect the worst, hope for the best, right? Well....this approach certainly softens the blow up front, but I've learned that this thought pattern can be toxic, and has taken control of my unconscious thoughts and feelings about many things.

Back-story: I have been overweight since age 7. A long story short, my parents weren't too keen on nutrition. Most members of my family are well overweight, well over 300 pounds, so I've been used to being the "small one" at a petite 220 (I'm only 5'3.) Yeah. I know.

I'm a bit cynical when it comes to fad diets, and I know there is no true short cut if you wish to obtain real, long lasting results. It just seems that no matter what I do, though, this stubborn fat just won't budge. It's like, fate has decided I'm going to be overweight, and no amount of blood, sweat and tears are going to change it. See what I mean? Right there.....I just proved my own point. I know can be a bit of a pessimist, and I think that any success I might obtain, I end up rooting out before it has a chance to really grow.

I think something is wrong with me. And most likely, it is THAT thought that destroys me. I mean, is it possible to will yourself into not losing weight? Like, somehow, my thinking it's all a ridiculous sham, or that only OTHER people can lose weight somehow grants permission for those annoying little fat cells to stay full?

To sum up why I'm discouraged; I have had a rotten time trying to lose weight. I absolutely adore vegetables, and I love riding my bike. I've ridden since I was a child. I can easily go for hours, walk all day if I'm of a mind to. I'm pretty flexible...even though I am so huge I can't see my own feet, I can surely bend strait and touch them....I can keep up with my energetic daughter. THIS it what discourages me. It's not like I'm laying around drooling on myself, stuffing my face with junk food and wishing I were a size 2. I feel like I actually make effort to do the right thing, but to no avail.

I finally got fed up with this anomaly and went to see my doctor. I let him know what was going on. He ran some blood tests, (thyroid, diabetes, etc) and found that everything was *normal* except that I am *nearly* diabetic….whatever that means. (Apparently, my blood sugar levels like to just dance right around the line where it would be considered dangerous, and I guess they classify that as Pre-Diabetic.)

He prescribed me a diet pill which very nearly gave me a heart attack. When I went back, he sat me down and said "You really need to make this your obsession. You have to just starve yourself. You NEED to lose weight if you are going to avoid becoming diabetic." Okay. Wait. Red Light. Did my DOCTOR just tell me to starve myself and become obsessed with losing weight? Hmm....okay. All hope is lost. The one person who should have all the right answers just told me something that I know is wrong. So NOW what?

Diet....exercise.....not seeming to work......at least the way I'm doing it. Now, suddenly I have a doctor's permission to become anorexic. Yeah, not happening. *Throws self onto pillow and cries*

I'm at a loss here. I'm really ready to just admit that I'm never going to see a "1" on my scale unless it is preceded by a 2 or even a 3....and just throw in the towel, and just forget the whole mess. It's STRESSFUL and now even more discouraging than ever.

How do you deal with such overwhelming discouragement? I am a spiritual person, and I believe that God will help those who help their self.....It’s just that I'm trying to nail down the exact definition of helping one's self to the point of actually losing weight.

I hope my rambling made some sense. Trying to organize the crazy going-ons inside my head can be quite the task some days. If anyone has any thoughts on this, I’d love to hear from you. Cheers!



 
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