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CLRWILLIAMS25 SparkPoints: (32,663)
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Posts: 1,079
12/14/12 2:23 P

Taking the first step is always the hardest step. There is a lot of emotion and uncertainty tied to the first few steps (can I do this, what if I fail, what if it doesn't work etc). Once you go for a few walks or lift weights a few times, it becomes easier to keep doing it and to develop a routine. I think most of us have had major lulls in our motivation at some point or another, and a lot of people have also talked about how hard it is to get started. It will also be helpful to have a good support system. I have found my husband to be a good workout buddy (when our schedules allow it) and an extra incentive to meet at the gym even if I don't feel like it.

SNOWDESERT Posts: 762
12/13/12 7:41 P

I get it. It's good to be honest with your feelings. It's not selfish to want to take care of yourself first (as long as it's not at the expense of others). You have to take care of you first, before you can be any good to anyone else. That's why they always say to put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting others, when you are on an airplane.

With that said, just keep in mind that setbacks are temporary. Make adjustments with your plan and actions, if what you are doing isn't working. If it's an option, get a personal trainer, dietician, life coach, some other professional, or even a close friend that you trust to help when you need advice, coaching, or even just vent.

BRITOMART Posts: 7,451
12/13/12 6:46 P

You don't need to apologize; looking down the pounds is very daunting; realizing this is a one-thing-at-a-time choosing (it would be SO much easier if we could just lose the weight like having a tooth pulled; even without anesthetic, it would be over so quickly...but not) is hard to face.

But you already recognize...it is about choices, lots and lots of little changes that you will make into good habits. It sometimes takes being down before you can find the core flame you need to change...and, if you wait to start until you get rid of the negative thinking, well, that's not realistic. We all have times of negative thinking, but life goes on needing to be lived.

Hope you find yours...one change at a time...

Edited by: BRITOMART at: 12/13/2012 (18:50)
BARTICLESE SparkPoints: (561)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 6
12/13/12 5:52 P

I am generally a very happy person. Always goofing around and stuff. The only time I get these very negative feelings is when I start thinking about something that I feel I can't change. My weight and my parents' relationship with my wife (very strained) are about the only two things that make me feel this way. The latter is kind of hard to avoid this time of year. My weight is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore as my pants get tighter and it becomes more difficult just to bend over and tie my work boots (sad isn't it?). And maybe it is a girl thing for people to tell you that you don't need to change a thing, but people in my life don't seem to shy away from telling me that I am at an unhealthy weight. No one pretends that I am not fat. Anyway, I don't think that I am depressed. I just need to make myself do this. Being able to talk about it and even the venting of my negative feelings I think helps. Maybe I will get all this negative thinking out of my system and do something about it. I think I just need to keep it in the front of my mind that this problem is not going to go away and needs to be dealt with or will just keep getting worse. No more just not thinking about it. If I can get in the right mind-set then maybe I will start to do something about it. Once again, I am sorry to be so negative. I think once I start getting control of this that will change. Thanks to those of you who care enough to listen and talk to me about it. I hope that maybe one day I will be able to tell someone that is in my current position "if I did it, so can you" and be that positive voice and influence.

DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (57,056)
Fitness Minutes: (14,252)
Posts: 9,646
12/13/12 4:22 P

Barticlese, I have a serious question for you right now.

Have you talked to a counselor about your feelings? What you're describing right now sounds a lot like the symptoms of depression. When you're suffering from depression, it's almost impossible to do anything that's good for you.

Don't apologize for sharing your feelings; this is a board for staying motivated, not necessarily motivating others. You're allow to ask for help!

I strongly encourage you to talk to a doctor about your feelings, and seek treatment if possible. And get moving... exercise did more to help my depression than anything ever has. It doesn't have to be much... try just going for a brief, 10 minute walk, every day! That's all!

BARTICLESE SparkPoints: (561)
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12/13/12 3:54 P

I was just being honest about how I feel. I think different people are in different places in their respective journeys and are able to maybe give a little more or perhaps less. I just don't know how to help someone else up out of the dumps when I don't even know how to help myself. Of course I am always willing to listen to somebody and give them my two cents. It may not be the most positive feedback since I am not really in a very positive place myself. But, misery loves company. (I am sorry to be that way. I really am a good person. I am just being brutally honest right now about how I feel. Sometimes it gets VERY tiring to keep putting on the happy face.) Also, I am not asking anyone to do this for me. I know that it is something that I have to do by myself. I keep telling myself that I am ready and I feel ready. I just can't seem to get motivated. I mean I love my wife and I want to live a long and healthy life with her. I also want to be the man that she married eight years ago. It's not fair to her for me to have become the way I am. I feel like that should be all the motivation I need. But why then is it still so hard? Some people just get tired of trying to pick themselves back up. Or maybe they just don't have the strength. Some people just give up altogether. That's not how I want to be, but it is how I feel sometimes. A lot of times.

Edited by: BARTICLESE at: 12/13/2012 (16:00)
STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,346
12/13/12 2:00 P

Hello BARTICLESE!

I've been on this journey for quite some time, and to be honest, I thought I wanted people to tell me what to do, and hold my hand. I even asked my fiance 'keep me in line' and 'remind me" to work out 5 days a week, but it really didn't work at all. He was very supportive of my efforts, but at times became very frustrated with me when I didn't want to work out-even though I ASKED him to make sure I do it every day. I very quickly learned that I can't simply "hire" him to keep track of me. What about when I'm at work, or out with friends? He couldn't be with me there, so I had to rely on my own self control. Because I felt like I needed him in order to be successful, I wasn't. I'd give in to the peer pressure and eat at potlucks, and while out with friends.

There's a reason why it's taken me 3 years to lose this weight (and I'm not even done yet!) I felt ready, but I wasn't. This is about me and only me. No one else is going to care whether or not you lose weight (how many times have we all heard "oh, you don't need to change a thing!"?) It's completely 100% up to you to be motivated enough to get up and do something about it. As for my fiance, he's still very supportive of me, but it's different. It's better.

I'm not trying to be rude, but I'm seriously only speaking from experience. It took me quite a few falls while holding someone's hand for me to realize that I needed to learn how to pick myself up by myself.

Definitely get an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on. Build your support. That's extremely important when making such a change. Just remember that this entire process needs to start with you, and the results are solely your responsibility.

Edited by: STARDUST2K4 at: 12/13/2012 (14:19)
NERDINPINK SparkPoints: (1,346)
Fitness Minutes: (55)
Posts: 43
12/13/12 1:49 P

Unfortunately, I think it is very unlikely you'll find someone exactly like that if you're not willing to help them out in return. What I do think you can do is find the tools here to help you be that person for yourself. If you really need someone, you might need to look into getting a personal trainer.

DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (57,056)
Fitness Minutes: (14,252)
Posts: 9,646
12/13/12 12:33 P

Gaining a little weight can be perfectly normal when you're starting out! Did you start exercising as a part of your healthy lifestyle? If you did, there's your culprit! The body will hold on to water as it adapts to new exercise, and can cause a temporary upward shift in weight. It will even out as you get used to it, though, and it's not REAL weight... not fat!

SUMMERSHORTS Posts: 200
12/13/12 8:40 A

In my opinion, losing weight (or constantly trying to!) is so difficult because it is something we have to do every single day. Saying no to temptation and always making the right, healthy food choices is not easy (and never feel bad for not doing this 100% of the time) but it does all come down to choices. I have felt more encouraged and able to stick to healthier foods by telling myself I COULD eat something (cake, biscuits, whatever) if I WANTED to but instead I CHOOSE not to eat it. I think the most important organ to have along as our healthy choices buddy is our brain, it needs to get with the programme first before any other part of the body! I have been a Spark member for YEARS with varying amounts of success (for that read: lost a bit, put it back on, lost a bit ... repeat) but this time I am trying to focus on the positive (health) rather than the negative (self-denial) and it is working better for me. I would be happy to share your journey and try and encourage you if I can.

REBCCA SparkPoints: (267,672)
Fitness Minutes: (156,358)
Posts: 20,526
12/13/12 7:51 A

BARTICLESE Hello,

Being very honest with ourselves is a big step to seeing how to make changes needed to reach our goals. Be your own best friend and you always have support and encouragement. It worked/works for me to imagine the advise I would give a cherished friend who wanted to achieve a healthy lifestyle and then Just do it. When in doubt make the choice that leads you to your goals. emoticon

BARTICLESE SparkPoints: (561)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 6
12/13/12 7:02 A

To be honest, I am not too good at encouraging others when it comes to weight loss. So I am not on here to do that. Rather, I need encouragement. I have been back on SP for almost two weeks now and have actually gained a little weight. I have a hard time telling people "you can do it!" when I don't feel I can myself. I am like a baby when it comes to this. I am going to need someone to check in with me frequently, encourage me, help hold me accountable, listen to me gripe and complain and be very negative (at times), all while not expecting a bit of that support back. Like I said, I am know I am being a bit selfish here, but I have had no success and just don't feel that I have it in me to be that person for someone else while I am concentrating on myself. Sorry.

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