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PAUL_MFC SparkPoints: (232)
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Posts: 23
9/26/12 1:31 P

Break this down into two parts; are you afraid to ask for help or are you not quite sure how?

In the fear department, just remember that the absolute worst thing that could happen when you ask anyone anything is that they say "no." That one little word can throw you for a loop but its impact on you actually comes from you. Any feeling or emotion we ever have starts with a thought and the cool thing is we have complete control of our thoughts!

If you're not quite sure how to phrase the request, first think of your desired outcome then work backward. For example, let's say you need help on your car. Instead of asking someone to fix your car, what you really need is to complete some initial steps. Ask for help troubleshoot or diagnosing the problem. It seems really subtle but when you ask for help on a smaller, more concrete thing it doesn't seem like a big request to the person you're asking and they'll be more likely to help...and they'll likely keep helping.

FATBASTICH Posts: 782
9/25/12 6:28 A

I had a very similar problem. I was willing to help others, but reluctant to ask for/accept help from anyone. Then my marriage fell apart, and through that process, the subsequent divorce and the rebuilding that took place afterward (and is still taking place), I had very little choice but to rely on the help of friends and family. And you know what? They were all willing to help.

Just ask. I think you'll be surprised.



JADOMB SparkPoints: (98,470)
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9/24/12 12:51 P

I have found most people are very willing to be helpful if you are asking in the right way. It is a turn off when someone asks something and then argues with that person when they give their opinion. You also have to realize, that there are many different opinions, so you will have to take what is given to you and research it to see if you agree or if it works for you. You may find some folks that you find you agree with 100% of the time. That can make it easy to listen to them, but can really mess you up if you are BOTH wrong. LOL Just because you don't agree with someone, doesn't mean they are wrong, so respect ALL knowledge, but check it out before running with it.

PATTERD707 SparkPoints: (21,760)
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8/28/12 10:41 A

Totally agree with everything in this thread so far.

Another way to look at this is: do you value other people? do you feel them worth listening to?

THEN WHY NOT YOU?

NHOYLE1 Posts: 351
8/27/12 11:16 P

I was/am the same way, but the thing that made it easiest for me to ask people for things, or help for things was seeing research that said that people are more likely to have a positive opinion of you if they do something for you. It is a cognitive dissonance issue, that they wouldn't be helping you if they did not have regard for you, so they believe they must hold you in high regard. I took that as a positive sign, and have been working on applying it in my daily life.

DCARRAN SparkPoints: (3)
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Posts: 1
8/27/12 7:17 P


Hi all, I just wondered whether any of you guys have any tips? I want to excel in my life and the first part is throwing off my shackles that hold me back I guess. I am afraid to ask for help as when I was younger I got shouted at by some crabby teacher with the punchline 'you should have been listening then!' the thing was, I was listening to her, every word.

I want to get rid of this, build my confidence and step up to the world in a new light. I have big plans and want to carry them out. Has any of you guys got any advice?

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