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I am SAD, literally!

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SparkPoints: (3,240)
Fitness Minutes: (2,172)
Posts: 14
3/4/13 10:15 P

Disappointment happens to everyone. Take the things you don't like and figure out how to change them. I teach at a college. Everyday, I speak to young women who are alone due to loss of a mate in death, break up, military, and etc. You are not alone. One thing my students do is stay busy. They are sad but they do not let it overtake them. Prayer is important. Pray to God (Jehovah) is his name Psalms 83:18, outline your issues and ask for help. Work in harmony with your prayers. 1. Go back to school. Choose a career. 2. Give yourself time to heal and reconnect with old friends. 3. Set reasonable goals for yourself and celebrate reaching them. 4. Stay on Spark People, you have a support system here. 5. Get help and do this 1st if your situation is extreme. emoticon I wish you all the best.

Posts: 1,856
3/2/13 4:51 P

Can't offer advice, just want to say I'm sorry you're struggling.
I think that if you start by setting some small goals like eating more vegetables, and joining some group or class, you will hopefully get back some of your confidence.

SparkPoints: (13,321)
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Posts: 137
3/2/13 10:13 A

There has been great advice so far. All I can add is

Eat healthy foods to make sure you are getting nutrients. Vitamin D is important when you aren't getting out much.

Get enough sleep. You need energy to get you through this difficult time.

Re-connect. It's hard, but pick up that phone and ask for company. I bet you have friends who would LOVE to get together and miss you. Once you do get together, focus on the positive.

As hard as this is, you have to be the one pushing these things through.

Good Luck emoticon

SparkPoints: (135,753)
Fitness Minutes: (204,410)
Posts: 20,187
3/2/13 5:56 A


It sounds like you're at a crossroad in your life and feeling a bit anxious and confused. Getting over a break up is never an easy thing. It takes time to mourn for the loss of a relationship. But you know what ? You ARE a strong young woman ! There are lots of great guys out there who will appreciate you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. We've all gone through breakups. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong and should stay in the house as punishment.

Are you on facebook ? If so, why not start talking to some of your friends that way. Get together with them for lunch or maybe a trip to the movies. Facebook is a great way to RE-connect with all those friends. Don't isolate yourself or you will end up more depressed.

If you don't feel ready to go outside and face the world yet, start interacting with the Spark community like you did today. Keep responding to this post so that you know you are NOT alone. Do you have siblings or cousins near by ? Why not get together with them ? Being with family can be comforting. Do you go to church ? Going to church can help you get over these feelings too.

There's nothing wrong with feeling sad or even a little depressed. You just don't want to let yourself get stuck in a rut. Getting out of ruts is the worst because when we're in ruts, we tend to neglect our health. I know, I've been in these places before too. That's why I'm trying to urge you to get out of the house to take regular walks, to meet with friends or family, to even go to the library to read. It's a way to help you start feeling a bit better about life in general.

And I definitely agree that this is the most important time to eat right. Don't neglect your health. If you eat crap, you're going to feel like crap. Do your best to eat healthy foods that nourish your body. Eating good foods can also help improve your mood.


SparkPoints: (120,766)
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Posts: 21,005
3/1/13 11:32 P

Hi BROWNCHICA - It could be that grief is still at part to play. We can grieve for many things apart from someone's death - loss of work; loss of friends; loss of relationships and loss of our health are just some of them. Below is a link re that, that you may find helpful:>

I think that the BEST place that you can start is to have a chat with your Dr. Tell him/her just how you feel, etc. Sometimes there are some medical issues which can exacerbate our emotional state. If need be ask for a referral to a Therapist. If finances are an issue then there are many ways of getting help much more cheaply, and even for free. Just message me if that is the case and I will provide you with some links!

It is also possible that your Dr may do some bloods etc. to rule out medical things which could be impacting on your energy and thought processes. As far as the zero energy is concerned, you comment that you eat a lot, but do you eat a lot of healthy stuff? OR is it heavily processed stuff - empty calories. We can eat heaps but still starve our bodies of the nutrients that it needs to help maintain our health - physical and mental. Ensuring that you get a good, balanced diet, and get some exercise in is a great start. The exercise would be best done outside where you can get some daylight (Vitamin D) because this can help mood considerably. I know that you mention the difficulty in getting outside and facing people, but I always remember something my Psychologist told me a long time ago .... "Avoid avoidance!" She prescribed this to me - "go to a Cafe once a week for a coffee." The rationale was that the staff would recognize me as a regular, and strike up a slightly more personal conversation rather than just "Hello" and "Have a nice day!" I went mostly the same time of day, and same day of the week. In time I realized that there were others doing the same and it because much easier to talk to them. I could watch the people coming and going and it took my mind off my issues. It really WAS very therapeutic. You could do the same in a library or a park. The first time might be hard, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes and my life has now returned to normal. This is why "Avoid avoidance!" If you give in to those thoughts then you become even more of a prisoner and often in your own home!

I hope that you find a resolution to your SAD!

Take care,
Kris xxx

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 3/1/2013 (23:38)

SparkPoints: (7,173)
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Posts: 178
3/1/13 10:02 P

The advice the other members have provided for you is really great- Im not sure I have more advice outside the ones suggested but I agree that posting on here- was a great step and everyday is a new start- every minute is a new start- and you are in charge of how you want to change your life- you can do it! Maybe practicing yoga- and breathing exercises as well as mindfulness can help- I know it helps me stay calm and centered- good luck on journey :) emoticon emoticon

SparkPoints: (28,036)
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Posts: 1,940
2/26/13 9:16 P

The other posters have some great points. Only you can determine when it would be wise to seek some extra assistance (from the student health ctr, etc). You sound like a smart person.

Having said that, there are always things you can do to make things better (or worse).
And that's empowering.

Don't let yourself wallow in isolation. Getting outside, taking a walk, doing something nice for someone else, taking a class in something just for fun (an art, cooking or exercise class, etc) can help to get you "out of your head," if you know what I mean. Perhaps volunteer somewhere to help at an event. The surest way to have a friend is to be a friend. The possibilities are endless.

Can you get in touch w/ any of your former friends? There's no shame in admitting that you made a mistake in excluding them from your life. You certainly aren't the first girl to do that. Men may come & go, but good friends are forever (or can be). They may be happy to hear from you. There's a saying: Sorrow never leaves you where it found you. You are learning from this and other things ever day. What never fails to help me when I've been down is to take pen to paper and write out all the things I'm grateful for, even if they sound mundane (one time my list included street lights, of all things!).

Lastly, you are young and break ups are part of living and growing and learning...about the other person but also about you. As you grow through this, be kind to yourself. Do at least one good for you thing a day - whether that's drinking your water, eating more veggies, putting on some good tunes and dancing your face off, getting enough sleep, etc. If you start taking better care of yourself mentally & physically, you might find you have more energy.

I hope you are feeling better w/ each passing day. And this is the perfect place to post if you need a little friendly encouragement from your fellow Sparkers. Promise you'll seek additional help if you need it. In the meantime, get busy w/ doing some or all of the above.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Posts: 547
2/26/13 8:16 P

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time.

It's really hard to get your equilibrium back after a break-up. It can be crushing to your self-esteem.

There may be a student counseling center on where you go to school. They may be able to help, and it might be free or cheap.

Can you try to do some small things for yourself? Call a friend. Do a little exercise.

SparkPoints: (158,833)
Fitness Minutes: (112,042)
Posts: 46,222
2/26/13 6:03 P


Asking for help or even recognizing that there may be a problem is a big step. Unfortunately offering specific help for these types of questions is outside the scope of advice that our members and experts are qualified to assist you with.

Do you have health insurance? If so, you may want to see if the insurance will cover this type of care--many do.

If you do not have insurance you may want to contact your local health department to see if they can assist you as to where you can go to get some help.

Take care!

Coach Nancy

Posts: 14
2/26/13 5:57 P

I even hate to admit this, but when I first started dating this guy I put everything in my life away and just focused on him. Now that he is long gone, I found that I am lonely. My friends are graduating from college and getting married and I havent had a full conversation with them in almost two years. I am sad not only for my ex to break up with me, but just that I litterally hate going outside and facing people. There is a disorder I think Social Anxiety Disorder. I am not saying I have that, but some of my symptoms match. So, the result of this is that I eat alot and have zero energy sometimes. I am sorry if this is not the right place to post this! Can anyone help me?

Edited by: BROWNCHICA at: 2/26/2013 (17:59)

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