For me to lose weight means I have to be responsible for myself. It's a fascinating journey to see how I've literally built up barriers in the form of my excess weight. The weight has been a nuisance as I found it appeared as though I didn't take myself serious and respect myself & so others responded to me with disrespect. I was in a viscious circle eating to comfort myself from the world & was hiding my inner light from myself & the world around me. With the weight going I am feeling freer & freer. I've observed others in the same boat. I sound like a born again person & I suppose I am. And I've also wondered if by getting fat I was learning lessons that I mightn't have learned if I'd remained slim & fit all my life.
I can identify with your post a lot. To me when I look back on it, I think my weight represented that I was very unhappy (emotional issues from childhood) and no one noticed me or cared that I hurt so I didn't care either. I cared (that part of me that wanted to be an attractive woman) but if no one else could see my hurt, why should I try to face it or try to solve the pain if no one was willing to help resolve the hurt that was going on and only wanted to continue hurting me?
Food was a crutch for me, an emotional outlet to help temporarily calm the hurt inside of me. It never actually did calm it though and only made me feel worse about myself.
Edited by: KISSFAN1 at: 1/26/2012 (07:24)
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1 1/26/12 6:34 A
I know that it is hard to be open with your feelings because I too feel that way. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us all on this deeply emotional and personal post. Your woords have touched me more than you could ever know. Good luck to you on your journey, wherever it may lead!
You've reached a milestone in your journey. Marvelous! I finally last week was able to express to my husband that deep within I was "afraid" to lose weight. He seemed so very shocked. When he asked why I was FINALLY after all these years able to tell him that when I reach a certain level of weight loss, men start to really notice me again . .. and that's usually where it starts falling apart for me. I was able to tell him that he seems to be the ONLY one who doesn't notices and/or takes it so ho-hum. I was able to tell him that I really needed HIS attention and support. It was hard ... but it was a HUGE milestone!!!! We have to hold onto these things and remember that "hard" is sometimes better. Nothing spent ... nothing gained!
I know all of our journeys to better health take on different views. Thank you for sharing what your current issues are on your journey and helping others in the community who are looking through the same window right now. I wish you all the best as you discover the real YOU and all the things you are able to do not the things you fear.
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4,067 1/26/12 6:04 A
What insight and thoughtfulness went into your post - thank you for sharing it. I may not have as much weight to lose as you do, but I think you're streets ahead of me in your self-understanding. I wish you well in your 'journey'. God bless you.
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1 1/26/12 6:03 A
I completely agree and actually have said the EXACT same things to people around me. The mental has been so hard for me. I hid behind my weight for a long time, and I was genuinely unhappy.
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9,531 1/26/12 5:50 A
Wonderful blog! I can relate to what you wrote. You are peeling back the layers to find the "real" you mind and body. Even if you feel exposed and naked to the world you have determined that you will risk any pain that you might encounter along the way. It takes courage to do this, but you will succeed! Remember you are never alone in your journey! Looking forward to your next blog!
You are dead on. People are generally terrified of change and use their current situation (whether good or bad) as a security blanket. For me, the hardest thing about losing weight was the hump.
Everyone can talk a good talk about the food they're going to eat and the exercise they are going to endure. Some people talk about it, but never start. Others are so motivated that they simply do it. And others (like myself) do it for a couple days, maybe a week but can't seem to get over that hump.
Well after years of fighting I've finally managed to get over it and let me tell you that it's a lot easier on the other side of the hump
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77 1/26/12 5:08 A
You can do this. It's for you and no one else! I believe in you!
I understand your thoughts and feelings on this one. For so long I've hidden behind my weight gain and have been scared to lose weight because then I would have no more excuses as to why I'm. It living up to my full potential. I've started working out and eatin healthier, and though the inner me wants to self sabotage, I'm fighting the urge, because I am ready to step into a healthier better me.
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1,837 1/26/12 4:59 A
I'm so happy you have had an emotional breaktrough. It's amazing how our self esteem starts to come back with every effort and achievement and even sometimes fallbacks we make during our weight loss journey. Kudos for sharing your pain with others who share the same feelings you do.
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45 1/26/12 4:54 A
It looks like you have awakened to the realization that this turning point in your life is not about another diet but a real life change. Difficult as that is REJOICE in your awareness. Stay in the now, stay in today and you will be successful.
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1 1/26/12 4:51 A
Hi dear, Read your post and could relate a lil cos I felt almst d same way abt 2yrs ago. But believe me hon,keep at it. Losing weight does wonders for your self esteem. Yes its hard,n yes dre are days wn u look in d mirror and forget where you're comin from becos you'r so worried about how much you stil need to lose.... Seeing yourself as an attractive changes a lot of things abt our perception of ourselves as well as others. You'r not alone and I so look forward to reading your victory note.....Sincerely,qmina
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136,734 1/26/12 4:28 A
take it one day at a time
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2,450 1/26/12 4:20 A
You can do it, believe in yourself and take it one day at a time.
Losing weight is hard. Maintaining weight is hard. Staying fat is hard. Choose your hard.
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4,351 1/26/12 3:15 A
Your words make me feel like you have been walking around in my head.
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17 1/26/12 3:14 A
Hi there, I don't think there could be anyone else that could put it so plainly and beautifully! I recognised myself in those few lines. Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. Lots of love and support from me in Glasgow! xxx
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60,431 1/26/12 3:11 A
Very interesting observation, and all too true! Good luck with meeting ALL your goals.
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1,838 1/26/12 1:55 A
You should be proud of how far you've come and know that you can build on your successes!!
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70 1/26/12 1:01 A
I, too, used my weight as a shield...against my rapist, then against a stalker, and finally against a husband I didn't love. I was insulated against the pain of having to open myself to others and risk getting hurt. Healthwise and self-esteem-wise, my spirit was pretty much on the floor. I got so tired of hearing "But you've got such a pretty face!" After 20 years of yo-yo dieting, I finally devided on weight lods surgery at the age of 56. I would do it again in a nano-second. My surgeon has given me a second chance at life - a chance to keep up with my grandchildren, and even do Zumba, not to even mention.being able to walk more than 50 feet without having to stop and rest. Loosing weight, how ever you do it - opens up unlimited possibilities for you, and I wish you sweet success!!
You express that so well. It is not unique to overeating. Much of what you said seems to resonate with what I have seen and heard others go through with substance abuse, being a workaholic, sexaholic, etc.
There is real growth in learning to go with the pain and finding the light in the darkness...the inner strength that will emerge and bloom into lasting change and the new real you! You are an inspiration...keep on keeping on and recording your insights! Also agree with Soukicavill...reward yourself by crossing off fun things on your bucket list along the way!
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341 1/9/12 9:39 A
Soukicavill; loved your honesty. Thanks for it! Don't wait to be skinny, thin, or 25lbs later to live like you are. Think about things you are waiting to do and start doing them along the way.
I absolutely loved reading the Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl by Shauna Reid. It was a great read, honest and motivational.
GOOD LUCK. IT does take time, remember the days will still go by with or without you exercising and being healthy.
I agree with LUV2GOLF7 -- I looked at your pictures and you are stunning! You deserve all the happiness in the world. Keep your focus on small goals that you can attain and feel good about on a daily or weekly level, like drinking enough water, tracking your food or exercising 10 min/day. Overtime, those small goals will add up!
At least you recognize your barriers (It can be very hard to do). I hope for you that once you let them down you will see that the happy things way out weigh the painful ones. Without the painful things we would never know the blissful ones.
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34 1/6/12 8:49 P
What you posted took a lot of courage. I get what you say. Yes, it is scary but just the fact that you put it down for others to see indicates you are already well on your way.
I looked at your pictures and you are stunningly beautiful. I believe that shortly the outside and the inside will both reflect what others see as you sound ready to experience the world pain and all.
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3 1/6/12 5:42 P
You shouldn't let your weight be a barrier between being happy and not being happy. You need to learn to love yourself. If you do that, then losing weight isn't hard at all. :) Just try to remember you DO deserve to be happy and you ARE beautiful, no matter what size
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390 1/6/12 2:49 P
I absolutely feel you. For years it was just easier being me, letting everybody else take the spotlight while i enjoyed the view from outside. But let me tell you, it's so much more fun being inside! :D
I haven't lost a lot of weight, but just changing my mental attitude (i read a lot of the Motivation articles here in SP under healthy lifestyle i believe). I've also done yoga and just being open and approachable has made me different :D
I hope you do jump away from the safety net, because there's a whole community here to catch you.
Because weight is the weight of every time I've suffered. My fat is a painful, visual and important reminder of every time I've doubted myself. Doubted life. Felt like crying. Screaming Felt dissatisfied.
To lose the weight would mean to allow myself to hurt. To lose weight would mean not numbing myself anymore. It would mean experiencing pain to its maximum. It would also mean experiencing happiness. I tend to forget.
My weight is a barrier between me and others. I've allowed it to define me because I am afraid of defining myself- and being disappointed. To lose weight would mean to experience. To lose the weight would mean to break down the walls that have protected me for so long.
To lose weight also means living in the present. To accept your failures and go for your successes. It would mean leaving the realm of "when I'll lose weight" and enter that of "Today I will".
It is difficult to be thinner because it would entail in living. And life is scary. And life can hurt. And when I prick, I bleed. And I am afraid of bleeding. But I will find the strength to lose this safety net I have made of my body and allow myself to be for the first time in a while ...
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