Good Luck to you too! The knees and the arthritis are a difficult thing to deal with. I know both of these personally too. Now walking with a cane, I want to put off having a total knee replacement on my 2nd knee. I move my exercise bike into the living room so I could ride part of the time we watch tv in the later evening. I am hoping that will assist me as it is easier than walking. Take Care. Laura
The biggest thing I can say is each day is a new day. the choices we made in the past cannot be changed. You have to work on the day you are in. Do not feel overwhelmed with what seems impossible, just keep your eye on what you want!
Fitness Minutes: (731)
23 5/22/12 9:59 P
NZAAHWAY, please know you are NOT alone in your struggle! I am 41 and have struggled my entire life with my weight. I went on my first diet at 9 (losing 14 pounds). In 2003 I went from 166 down to 134 only to gain it back and more to reach 175lbs. At age 36 I had a heart attack and then losing weight became more than just wanting to be a size 8. It became about getting healthy. I began another diet, lost 25 pounds, and again gained it back and more. So, here I sit at 190 pounds disgusted with myself and afraid for my health. I can't bear to look at myself and only do so to apply makeup in the morning. I also refuse to be photographed. I have no desire to remember myself or be remembered at this weight. This time I'm confident I will lose the weight and keep it off because I have the support of so many people who understand and can relate to my struggle.
I'm so glad you've found this site and have reached out to other members. There is so much help and encouragement here that I am certain you will lose the weight and be able to feel great about yourself. Don't get frustrated if you don't see immediate results. The weight will come off. Stay focused, eat healthy and vent on the message boards when you need to. That's what we're here for!! Good luck and please let us know of your progress.
Fitness Minutes: (610)
35 5/22/12 9:23 P
hi NZAAHWAY,i know how u feel two i started out at 196 lbs
i hate the way i look and feel about myself. i had a accident 4 and half years ago and injured my knee , I've just had my op 7 weeks ago . know been give the ok but been told have start of arthritics and have to get down to 144 lbs :( or i could end up really over weight and half crippled I'm only 31 have my whole life a head of me )
i feel my husband finds me gross,he has even chatted up other women as i am so depressed with my weight so I'm not interment with him ,
i am not going to let this weight recked my marriage or my mind I'm thinking positive now and going to give it my all.
no one ever said loosing weight is easy other wise will all be size 8 and what fun would that be, been there done that and got the shirt. i was size 8 till i had my first son ten was size 18 down two a 12 then back up to 16 then 14 now 16 again .
we can all do this together, I've lost 5lbs so far and i have a long way to go but we all will get there were on sparkspeople and every one is so helpful and friendly.
NZAAHWAY - I know exactly how you feel! I had the same weight issues - At the same exact weights you did. My highest was 170, I lost a down to about 130, then settled at 150 - 160. I am now trying again! I have been working on eating better and working out since Jan. I haven't seen much movement on the scale, but because of my efforts I have seen a huge change in my appearance. I'm not where I want to be by any means, but I am seeing progress and that keeps me going! Just take things one day at a time and before you know it, things will snowball. I am in a better mental state than I have ever been in - and it's because I am leading this healthier lifestyle and feeling better about all aspects of life.
Take a deep breath, take it one day, one step at a time. You can do this and you can be happy with your body!!
Thanks for your response. I too really need to lose 50 lbs to be healthy; but am hoping to lose 20 before my knee surgery and going to our family reunion. Cost is another aspect I struggle with. It costs a lot more to buy healthier foods which my family and I enjoy eating! My husband and I both work more than full time and there is never enough funds to go around. Talk to you soon. Laura
I can totally relate to E V E R Y single word you are saying - I feel the exact same way, just that I'm not 20 lbs overweight, more like 50 lbs. I used to weigh 120 lbs at 5'2 tall, a year later I weighed 160 lbs after my pregnancy, and now, almost 5 years later I am at glorious 171 lbs, and I can't seem to shake it. Within those years, I have tried any diet you could possibly think of, even pills, not eating at all, exercise like a crazy woman, and again, eating like there's no tomorrow. I have lost and gained, lost and gained - now, regardless of all my failed attempts, I'm here, again, and this time it is going to happen, because it is not going to feel any better if I don't try.
My husband loved me when I was 120 lbs, my husband loves me at 171 lbs and he says it everyday, but doesn't understand that it is ME that has to love me again. He sometimes gets annoyed at it and asks "who do you want to be pretty for, you are perfect to me". So he doesn't quite understand who I wanna be pretty for - it is myself. Our love life suffers from this, and not little. I can tell he is upset about it, of course, who wouldn't be. He also says that if losing weight is what I want, he does everything to support me. Still, some days are worse than others, and since he has a 45-hour work week, I can't seem to get enough of his support (not his fault).
Anyhow, just like you, I hate the person I see in the mirror, it doesn't even seem like it's me when I look at it. I hate going shopping for things that cover best instead of buying things I would love to wear. There is a million more reasons why I want to lose weight, it would be an endless list...
Here I am, offering you my friendship. Maybe we can pull through this together. You can message me if you want.
I also feel like I am at my worst and yet want to make it my best! I weigh 222lbs and am 5'5''. I have started a few times in sparkpeople but have not stayed consistant or dedicated. I signed my pledge card today and I really want to do this for me. I am 48, I have had one total knee which was successful but now the other one needs to be done and I would like to be 20 lbs or more lighter prior to surgery. I have started walking with a cane as I have so much pain in my knee that needs surgery. I am usually the person who motivates or carries others and I just can't anymore.
Yeah, I had a recent weight gain, too, and it feels pretty bad.
Here's something interesting I noticed. You have lost 17 pounds from your heaviest weight. You say that you have never felt worse. It can't be entirely the weight that is making you feel bad, or you would feel worse at 170 than 153. I wonder if there is not something else going on in your life that is making you feel bad.
You are not disgusting, either at 170 or 153. You are just a normal human being.
Maybe making more time to bike or run would help reduce the stress and make you feel better.
Take care of yourself...
Fitness Minutes: (220,360)
21,527 5/20/12 2:36 P
Don't look at good health or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality. If you do, you really are doomed to failure because this isn't about dieting. Diets are a short term solution. You want a LONG TERM solution and that means life style change. Because what happens once you've lost the weight on a diet ? Do you go back to your old eating habits ? If so, that's when the weight will pack right back on. If you want to take the weight off and keep it off, all the healthy habits you adopt today, you keep for the rest of your life. Not the amount of time it takes to lose the weight. there are no fast ways to lose weight. I wish there were, but there aren't.
Remember, you're trying to change habits learned over a life time. that's not going to happen overnight, a week, a month or even a year. Change takes time. thus the need to be patient with yourself and your body.
What to do ? I'm going to recommend to you what I recommend to all new Spark members. Start with some simple changes. Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated. Set some simple goals. Example, if you're not used to eating 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and veggies each day, then set a goal to eat 2-3 servings each day for one week. If you're not used to drinking 8 glasses of water, set a goal to drink 2-4 glasses each day for one week. If you're not used to regular exercise, don't try to workout for an hour a day, set a goal to take a 30 minute walk each day for one week. Once you've achieved those goals, then you set new ones.
And that's how good health starts. It starts with eating your veggies, drinking your water and taking a daily walk. Don't believe that walking can help you lose weight ? There are spark members who've lost 100+ pounds just by walking and watching what they ate. If they can lose 100+ pounds, you can lose too !!
But, you can't expect miracles overnight. You must be patient with yourself and your body. Weight loss really is a slow steady process that takes time. Learn good nutrition. Learn to treat your body with respect. Don't beat on yourself because you think you're a failure. you're NOT a failure because you've gained weight. As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Give yourself credit for the positive things you do and don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy.
If you have questions or need to vent, the spark community is here to help you out. But, you've got to start helping yourself. What simple things are you ready to do this week to help you become a healthier person inside and out ? because if you don't learn to love your body now, you're not going to love it once you've lost the 20 pounds. you'll just find something else to be critical about. and that's not healthy.
I am sorry you are feeling this way. We all get this way one time or another. You have 20 lbs to lose...that's about where I am right now. My largest was 188. I am looking to get to 150.
I don't really know how to tell you to get motivated other than to do what you can to eat healthy and exercise. I'm not the best at giving exercise advice. I'm still at that "not liking it" stage, but trying to get back motivated to it.
As far as diet, I have digital food scales that I use to weigh my food. I see you have no public food journals on your page, so I can't tell what you are eating. I weigh my food, try to stay within calories and fat grams sparkpeople has set for me and try to get a high amount of protein. I try to drink as much water up to 8 glasses a day, I have eliminated alcohol for now (as these are empty calories,) but when I add a glass of wine back in when I get closer to my goal, I will log it and totally take accountability for having it. I have 1 splurge day a week (although this week I had several things going on), and I usually have it for a good restaurant meal (not mcdonalds.) It really helps to log my food; i lost 38 lbs that way. And it really helps to stay in contact with the SP community. There is a ton of useful advice you will get from various members and the SP staff.
Hang in there! Get your mojo back! You and only you can make it happen!
Edited by: LUCYGODDESS at: 5/20/2012 (14:12)
Fitness Minutes: (85)
6 5/20/12 1:44 P
I have never been a part of these message boards..but, I have no where left to turn.
I am twenty pounds overweight, and have been for at least two years. Four years ago I went from 170 to 135. The thinnest I've ever been, and I want it back. Now I am roughly 153. I cannot get my mind back on track, as strict as I once was. I run or bike ride when I feel there is time, and I am constantly thinking about my diet. But I feel disgusting. and because of this, I dont make the best decisions.
I have never felt worse about who I have become. I am not happy spending time with people I love...I am embarrassed. Just yesterday I saw very recent photos of myself..that was an eye opener. And I can't shake how depressed I feel because of it. My fiance and I are having troubles because I am so insecure. Thats what kills me.
I just want to feel how I used to, and to be happy when I look in the mirror. But I can't get there for some reason! I've been trying to find my inspiration and motivation...but I am so lost, and alone in this.
I need this site, I suppose. I need people to turn to and to help me. I am so sick of this. If anyone has advice..or friendship to offer, I'm all ears. Again, I have never done this. And this venting of mine may not seem to flow..but its my thought process alone. candid.
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