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I'm trying not to get aggravated with her BUT



 
 
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SPARK_ME_IN
SparkPoints: (33)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 6
9/26/12 11:35 A

A disrespectful child always needs to be corrected. I say this because if they are not corrected then they will have a hard time respecting authority and rules later. Jail is a terrible place to live. Respecting elders is a must. in my family, and in my finances family, My boy knows.



ANDILH
Posts: 1,151
9/26/12 11:17 A

I can see you wanting to expect a certain type of behavior and being upset when you don't see anyone attempting to enforce what you consider to be appropriate behavior. If she only made one comment about aunts in general, I don't know that I would truly consider that "dissing" aunts. She said something in the anger and self-righteousness that only teenagers can have even when they're wrong. Telling all to her parents/guardians is not the way to endear yourself to her. She's just likely to get into trouble and be even angrier and disrespectful later. Has this girl had any counseling after the death of her mother? Maybe she needs therapy not discipline.
Frankly, what a person posts on Facebook can easily come back to bite them. My cousin was denied 2 jobs based on what her employer saw on her Facebook page. A transfer to a different college was also postponed based on her Facebook. Your niece is almost old enough to have to worry about potential employers and colleges looking through her page and deciding whether or not to offer her a place based on what they see. Teenagers don't realize the long term consequences of their actions. They feel they are invincible and untouchable. That attitude can and usually does change as they get older. But taking everything a person, who is essentially a child, says personally is not the way to make the relationship better. Comparing her situation to yours is unfair at best. The loss of a parent as a child is something completely different than being in an abusive home. It might be hard for you, but just stop looking at or asking others to look at her Facebook page.
Talking to your sister about having her receive therapy might be a better use of your time than doing what is essentially tattling over one comment. Maybe she is still grieving and has feelings she doesn't want to or can't identify. Also, after age 14 in many states it can be difficult to force an adolescent to receive mental health treatment. In the state I live in, unless there is a court order, no one can force an adolescent older than 14 into mental health treatment.



I_HEART_MY_FAM
Posts: 1,809
9/26/12 10:58 A

Fitmom- No offense taken. I love your reply and having been practicing what you wrote already. I had no plan to get after her, but to dis some of her family members because her brother told on her is not good. She is being very vulgar, rude and nasty coming off as a wild girl so her brother made his parents aware, but she is dissing us aunts. I remember when I was 14 in an abusive home and I still respected my elders. When we start making excuses for them that is not good either. I will let this go and when she yelled at me back in June, but I will speak with her if she gets nasty again.



DMJAKES
Posts: 1,571
9/26/12 8:35 A

Other than mentioning your concerns to her guardian/parents, there's really not much you can do except love her anyway and be the best role model you can be. I'd unfriend her and don't even ask others what's she's saying. It'll come back around and bite her one day....life has a way of teaching those hard lessons, you know? Is she getting any counseling? It sounds like she's been through a lot and could probably use an objective ear.

Facebook really is a pain in the a**. Give kids (and grownups) the chance to be both annonymous AND immature, and watch the drama unfold!



PUNKYPA
Posts: 3,627
9/26/12 5:26 A

ok



FITMOM1969
SparkPoints: (2,206)
Fitness Minutes: (717)
Posts: 309
9/26/12 2:54 A

I understand what your saying but sometimes we must let others handle their own children, I realize what your saying she's your niece but you didn't raise her therefore it sounds like she's not that inclined to listen to you. And yes your children and nephew are respectful but remember everyone is their own person and handles life's ups and downs differently even though they've been through the same loss of their mother. And I'm sure she knows what respect is but she sounds like she's at a rebellious stage, coupled with the loss of a parent and other things in her life she probably really doesn't care at this point because she's trying to cope in her own way (even though it's not good this is her way). So I would back off and not worry about getting her respect, which you might deserve but you can't force. Because it sounds like bigger problems her guardians have to deal with, with her. As a loving and caring family member I would gently relay my concern to her guardians if their receptive to it, then I would back off because to many people trying to handle and discipline her may just make matters worse. I understand as her mothers sister you want to do what is best for her, I think my suggestion is probably what's best even though I don't know either one of you, I can relate because my family has had some of the same issues with young people in the family. And to many people trying to tackle the situation never helps, sometimes it's better if their is outside intervention such as counseling or a church pastor depending on the problems.

And as far as facebook I can't stand it, it seems to keep drama going people share entirely to much and use it for more negative then positive. And truthfully I wouldn't really want to friend the young people in my family on a website I could only imagine what that would be like. Especially since I have a relationship outside the computer I don't need a website, and if you don't live close there is always the phone, texting, email. Computers can be impersonal and taken the wrong way especially when communicating with those closest to us, and people take the liberty to say things to you and about you on websites that they would never usually say if they know they have to face you eventually.

Hope this helped and didn't offend you in anyway, I was just keeping it honest as possible from someone who really understands what it's like to deal with young people in the family rebelling and what that's like when it's not your kid. As family we want to reach out and help in every aspect and save children from themselves and others, but at times the best thing to do is let go and let god and let them learn for themselves. I hope everything works out for the best emoticon emoticon

Edited by: FITMOM1969 at: 9/26/2012 (03:02)


I_HEART_MY_FAM
Posts: 1,809
9/26/12 12:41 A

No, other then saying her mom's sisters need to get a f"in life, I am one of her Mom's sister's . I just don't want her to burn bridges with family by beign so rude and ugly. No need for that, no matter what, w ehave all been very good ot her. Her brother went through the same as her, and he is respectful. I also had a troubled childhood and still knew to respect adults. Her dad (not biological) but the only dad that raised her from baby to now whom is my brother in law would not tolerate her behavior. He is a nice man and strict, she is just showing her butt off and apparently is blocking her parents from the nasty stuff she writes and does on fb. I want her to be part of the family but am afraid she will burn bridges with the ugliness. I am considering talking to my sister about this.



BEACHBLONDE
Posts: 2,791
9/25/12 10:23 P

s she saying something about you on facebook? You seem to be taking this very personally. She sounds like she has been through a lot in her young life and even with the most loving guardian it must be still very hard for her not to have her mom. I would cut her some slack and just love her more because she needs to know that people love her unconditionally.

I have three college age children and teen years are hard and so are college years lol. The very best child will have their days or phases.



I_HEART_MY_FAM
Posts: 1,809
9/25/12 9:53 P

A girl whom I call niece is really not behaving on fb. She is 14 and has no manners. Someone told my sister (her guardion) for the past 8 years howshe is acting on fb and she got in trouble. We are all sure it was her older brother age 19 that's in the service, because he keeps getting after her. Well anyhow she gets on fb after she blocked me but my girls see what she wrote, and she said it was probably one her her mom's sisters that told and she rude with two months ago at a party. I don't see her much as she lives an hour away, and both her guardians my sister and her husband do not come to visit much. I do feel for the girl, her real dad is not in her life that I know of, and her mom passed away from breast cancer 8 years ago. None of my other nieces or nephews are rude like her so is she about to lose her chance with family by being so rude? I can't handle ugly very well, but I must keep in mind she is 14.



 
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