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2/17/12 9:56 P

I gained a total of 6 lbs over the holidays. I know that and accept that. What's good is that it is only six lbs and I gained it because while my eating was on track, my exercise was off. I didn't feel good and I honored my body. I've gained more weight in the past. I woke up New Years day with an emotional issue that lodged into my left knee. It's gone. BTW, so I am grateful for that. Eternally grateful.

I've been on a 25 min walk twice this week. I will go a third time this week, around lake merit in Oakland. Not my idea but much better than staying at home.

12/29/11 1:59 P

I'm sad today. Just found out that a childhood friend of my younger sister was killed in a car crash early yesterday morning. She, like my sister and myself, was an actress and model. A performer. She was performing comedy in the area. The East Bay for the first time. She grew up around the corner from us in Richmond, CA. I was supposed to go to the show on the 27th, my sister and dad went. They said that she was hilarious. I didn't go because I had a consciousness session earlier in the day and was wiped energetically. I said, "Oh, I'll see her next time." So I didn't go. Apparently she was killed on her way back to Sacramento. My sister wrote that she killed it, on her Facebook page. And she was funny. I'm sad that I didn't get to see her do her thing on stage.
She performed mostly in San Francisco when she came down here. But she also worked in LA, NYC, Chicago, Seattle, she traveled and made folks laugh all of the time. It's weird to think that she walked off stage, got in her car, and died on the way home. She had a gig for last night, one for tonight, and was booked all the way through the new year. She was doing something she loved and was good at it.
She did have a lot of people in the audience so the club put her on last so that people wouldn't vanish once she finished her set. Which was smart, because a lot of the folks there weren't funny. It was an open night and she was the opener for the headliner. They made her the headliner. A wonderful way to go out??? I'm confused about these feelings.
Anyway, I haven't felt a desire to eat a lot. Usually when sad, stressed, etc. I notice that I eat lots and lots and lots of sugar. It feels like those days are over. Which is OK for me. I'm sad, and have talked to my sister about this. It is her first childhood friend to die. She was too young. 32. And vibrant. And beautiful. And funny as hell. Kibibi you are definitely missed.

12/22/11 11:52 A

Thank you for the congrats and the encouragement. Merry Christmas to you too!

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12/21/11 7:36 P

Congratulations on all events. You already have your priorities straight. Just hang in there. Merry Christmas!!

12/21/11 3:47 P

Going to walk 10 min today, just to get out the house. No longer lamenting that I'm not 179 by Dec 31st. It's OK. I've gone down two inches in my bra band width, I'm under 200 lbs, and I'm clearing space so that I can cook at home. My meals so far have been yummy. Today, I'm going to pick up a Kombucha baby from a woman I met at the store. Homemade Kombucha. I can't wait. I'm glad with the progress I've made. I'm looking forward to making more.

12/18/11 12:39 P

I've been sick for three days which means that my weekend has come to a screeching halt. Had to work (was selling soaps at a craft faire) and so today is my first day off. Was supposed to work somewhere else today, but I couldn't go it. My body needs to rest and I need to respect that.

I'm down 6 lbs and am below 200 for the first time since, a long time ago. Maybe 2004? 5? Who knows. I'm trying to eat healthier and am, but I have a thing about eating out. I think about what Geneen Roth wrote in her book about the ice cream sundae. I don't want the sunday, the dairy makes me sick (ice cream and whipped cream are a double whammy for me). And I've known that I'm lactose intolerant since I was a kid. But it tastes sooo good. But back to the quote or recap. I don't want the sundae, I want the feeling I feel when eating one. Sometimes it works, but when I see a sundae with burnt caramel ice cream, I just can't help myself. Or actually I can. But then it's going to TJ's and seeing my fav cheese and going to whole paycheck and finding out that another fav is on sale. Then I go somewhere and they have mocha's with full fat milk (lactose intolerance doesn't discriminate) and I don't want to pay extra for soy milk, and so on.

Anyway, I'm searching for the thing that makes me feel like i do when I'm eating ice cream and cheese and it's sad to say but nothing brings up that feeling for me. I wish it was hiking, or yoga, or meditation (sometimes I just hate those people) but it isn't. It was soap making for awhile but not that either. I don't know.

I started the ice cream in college. I remember there was a sale of 3 Frusen Gladje (remember them) for $5.00 at the Safeway across from my school. I bought them. Ate a little bit and put the rest in my crappy dorm freezer. The next day I went to eat some more and saw that instead of ice cream and I had very sweet soup that didn't taste as good when it wasn't frozen. Lesson learned. I wanted some more but reasoned that to get the most bang for my buck I should, ee-gads, eat the whole pint. It was sooooo hard the first time, because I wasn't used to eating that much ice cream at once. But I eventually managed to do so. I was very lonely in college so ice cream was my actual friend because I had none. Cue the violins. But seriously, that's the truth. The ice cream didn't yell at me, treat me mean, or not invite me to parties and other events. So ice cream is a lack of friend ship.

The cheese was introduced to me during my first trip to France in the mid-90's. Cheese is something that makes me feel like I'm transported to that time. I love to travel and love being in France. It's amazing how food can transport us to another time and place. It is the perfect way to go back to that place and yet, not so good for our health. Sometimes that stops me mid binge. Unfortunately when that doesn't, I become sick as I am now and have to detox the dairy. A not quite so lovely way my body stops the binge for me.

No, I'm not perfect.

12/18/11 12:24 P

Merry Christmas to you!

12/18/11 12:23 P

Good for you.I agree with you and think this is the perfect time to start. That way when the new year rolls around we are already in the habit of doing what we need to do. I'm getting as close to eight glasses of water as I can, but I'm stuck in the 5-7 range. I have had two days of drinking eight glasses, but I think it was because I was sick and wasn't eating.

Currently recovering from an overindulgence of cheese, which means I really need to give it up.Sweet things were easy but cheese is very hard. But it's becoming clearer and clearer each year that I can't process much dairy. Oh well.

Happy holidays to you and good luck on your journey! Let me know how you're doing.

JIBBIE49 Posts: 72,082
12/10/11 8:38 A

Merry Christmas

LUVS2WIN67 Posts: 1,060
12/7/11 1:15 P

I liked your blog. I am re-starting my plan and so far so good. I know it's not going to be an easy task as I am starting through the holiday time but I have to do it now.
I am trying to eat better, get in my 8 glasses of water a day and exercise. I am doing well so far but need to keep motivated.
Congrats to you for all your accomplishments to date. I am sure there will be many more.

12/5/11 2:25 P

Well, I've decided to write my goals. I have gained a small person (80+ lbs) over the last 15 years or so. I'm tired of looking at pictures of myself when I was younger and realizing how attractive and small I was (compared to now). I have decided that I want to look like I feel. I'm realizing that I don't feel good after a pint of ice cream or a cake or a bag of chips or a candy bar. I also realize that when I lose a lot of weight I feel fearful that I will be attacked. I have decided that I want to eat whole foods, mostly non-processed foods. And more fruits and veggies and deal with my plateaus (issues/sabotage) as they come up.

I am gluten free (lost 35 lbs), mostly dairy free (lost another 10 lbs) and am watching my sugar intake. Sugar is sympathy for me and crunchy things (chips) is my anger. In this journal, I am looking to vent, have a forum for folks willing to join me on this, and see how this is going. I am under 200 for the first time in ages. I will go for a 10 minute walk at least twice a day. In addition to the gym (when I go). And most importantly for me, I will not beat myself up for not doing this things. My expectation of perfectionism is something that hurts me because it leads to the downward spiral and affects everything else that I'm supposed to do. Here I get to be my perfect, awesome, human self. Let me know how you're doing.

My Goals are to lose weight, walk 40 min a day, eat or drink fruits and veggies every day, go to the gym (eventually), stretch and do yoga 10 minutes per day, improve my balance and celebrate my new invigorated self.

So, I've already started on this. I've lost a total of 7 lbs, drink a fruit/veggie smoothie everyday, and doing the Yoga stretches twice a day, and working on a couple of poses to improve my balance. Yay! Alright, so enough about me. Tell me about you...

Edited by: WRITINGDIVA1 at: 12/6/2011 (03:57)
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